When the lyrics of Ke$ha’s Tik Tok hit uncomfortably close to home for you, it’s time to take a long hard look at your life and make some changes.
I’m fairly certain I used being sick last week as an excuse to not do anything, and I’m worried that it’s going to be a trend. It’s hard to get moving on distasteful things when you’re depressed, and the thought of job hunting gives me mini panic attacks and belly rumblings. I know I haven’t really done much by way of seeking new employment, and I’m trying not to be discouraged that the jobs I DID apply for haven’t gotten so much as a peep in response .. for my own sake, I’m chalking that up to bureaucracy and not the fact that I am utterly without marketable skills and no one will ever hire me for anything let alone things I have fooled myself into thinking I’m good at and oh god I’m going to end up in a cardboard box in the alley.
See, this is why I don’t want to job hunt – every thought turns into an enormous harbinger of doom. Someone should just hire me so I can skip this part, and then everything will be just super (and I won’t have to rely on government cheese).
I need to start waking up a normal hour and forcing myself to be productive. I slept in today (being up until 3:30am doing crossword puzzles will do that to you – I’m an 80-year-old insomniac), but I did manage to haul my ass out of a bed full of cats and make two batches of muffins. Eventually I will shower, and then I will go back to the post office for the THIRD time to pick up this stupid package waiting for me. See, I’m productive! I’m busy! I’m not at all freaking the fuck out about my lack of income and the hilarious mockery of a Ke$ha song my life has turned into!