I might be too depressed to shower, but it’s equally likely (if not more so) that I am just lazy. I haven’t showered in TWO DAYS and am generally a giant mess – it may not sound like much to you, but I am usually dressed quite well and I always smell great. I’m the girl who shows up to breakfast at 9am the morning after the party looking like I just slept for 12 hours on a bed of feathers and marshmallow fluff with winged infants flapping a gentle breeze across my brow. My friends routinely comment on my varying levels of fanciness, from the “hey you look nice today” to “so what time are you meeting the queen?”. Right now, I am not fancy. By my standards, I am disgusting. Once many years ago Ed was without a job and he managed to go 7 days without showering or getting dressed – I am not that strong (or gross). The only thing keeping me from having a shower right now and getting dressed as though I were going to buy and sell people like toilet paper is the fact my bathroom has once again been hotboxed courtesy of the people downstairs (and it’s almost 1am and Ed’s asleep). Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow I will wake up, have a thorough shower, and put on clothing that does not have to be tied around my waist so that I am not in danger of tripping over myself and falling down. I will shave my regions, and I will put on a skirt. I may even put on a petticoat – if I’m going through the trouble, I might as well go all the way. I don’t have any plans for the day other than my usual job hunting duties, but I will pry myself out of the house and go somewhere. I don’t know where. Maybe across the street; maybe to Surrey (just kidding). I am tired of being at home, looking greasy, feeling sorry for myself, and staring at the internet: tomorrow I will pretend I have a purpose (outside of monitoring Twitter all day long).
Honestly, I don’t THINK I’m any more depressed than usual. My therapist likes making me Rate My Crazy on a scale of one to ten (one being I am the best I’ve ever been and exude a trail of glitter everywhere I go; ten being too depressed to shit out sparkle one), and these days I tend to hover around a 4/5 – things could be better, but I keep on keepin’ on. Maybe I’d put myself at a 6 right now, because I am increasingly convinced that I will never find a job because no one responds to any of my emails or applications (except that one guy who was so moved by my lack of skill he felt he had to shut me down immediately). I’m stressing out a little – and I’m bored out of my friggin’ mind – but I don’t think it’s the reason I’ve let myself fester in my own crapulence like this. I think I’m just really lazy. It was fun while it lasted, and now I know the limit of enjoying my own filth (2 days is too many days) so tomorrow I will clean myself up and go outside. I need an adventure. And more Diet Coke.
Wow – I was looking around for an image to post here, and ended up doing a search for myself. Apparently, some French website wrote an article on HIV and used one of my swabbing photos from Flickr. Awesome! My name is also on some Justin Bieber fan art site, because of the masks I made in ’10 for Northern Voice. How awkward for me!
Tomorrow will be a good day.