hurts so good

I am in an abusive relationship with a bagel.

Tim Hortons (whom I’ve partially forgiven for the Router Fiasco that was my entire life several years ago, mostly for the sake of convenience) has a Various-Cheese-and-Jalapeño-Bagel that KICKS MY ASS. I don’t know why – as half a brown person, jalapeños are not spicy to me – yet every time I eat one of these things, I find myself in a significant amount of discomfort and glee. Sure, I could just not eat them, but they are mighty delicious (if a little burny). I just wish I knew why my mouth hole finds them so very spicy, when all other jalapeños are mild like kittens dancing on my tongue. Still, the burning is much better than the alternative of “no breakfast”, as I can rarely get outside for lunch these days. I am busy. Beyond busy. Working 12 hour days busy. Burny bagels are the fuel that allow me to stagger home at night!

Ed and I are off to Victoria tomorrow, for a long (long, long, long) overdue visit to see my mother. I did a solo trip in mid-January to delivery frilly underthings, but we haven’t been over as a unit since November or so. It’s not that I don’t want to see my crazy mother, but the expense of it all – not including gas or incidentals, it costs us $165.80 for a return trip to the island – fucking gets my panties in a knot. It feels like throwing money away, and that enrages me. It’s so bad that’s actually cheaper to take the ferry between Sidney and Anacortes WA, and just drive back through the states. I was actually hoping we could do that this weekend, but I’m not the only one who’s thought of it – the reservations for the noon sailing from Sidney are full, and cars start lining up at 8am to get on that boat. If we missed the sailing, we’d be waiting until 5:55pm for the next boat and I just don’t want to do that.

The more I dwell on it, the angrier I get. I should just suck it up – get through this visit, and I’m off the hook for a little while. Plus, there’s London to look forward to. I know that’s a hundred times more expensive than going to Victoria, but it’s something *I* choose to do – it’s not an obligation, which makes all the difference in the world. Fuck obligations, unless they’re cheap and all the fun. Expensive and some of the fun is not good enough. I WANT ALL THE FUN.

Okay, enough ranting. I have many, many words to cross out and then new, better words to write down in mustard yellow. ONWARD!

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