Mom doesn’t trust the law or her brother: “Look out for uncle’s dick!”

Mom needs to urinate: “Mummy has to go pee pee!” *leaves the door open* *pees*

Mom is worried about Tom Cruise: “He’s into a very serious religion. It’s very sad, they’re all rich but can’t find true love so what’s the point money doesn’t make you happy.” *buys $50 in lottery tickets* “I sure hope I hit the big one!”

Mom knows something we don’t: “Those busturds, they’ll kill you with no mercy. Just you wait and see.”

Mom is just like us: “I like that Trader’s Joe. So many stuff!”

Mom needs .. something: “Keem, what is that thing I bought?”

Mom channels Wilford Brimley: “Ever since I got diabetics I can only drink hot water.”

Mom wants either rice, vinegar, or an inhaler: “I want basmatic yogurt!”

Day One is complete.