There needs to be a universal “opt out” clause for things you don’t want to be reminded about. I say this for every person who’s ever lost a parent, or has a dysfunctional relationship with them, or hell even has horrible children who never call or write: we are tired of being reminded to buy mom or dad the perfect gift on their day. For two months out of every year, we are inundated with tv commercials, site ads, email from every site we’ve ever visited, and more – all reminding us not to forget mom on Mother’s Day, or dad on Father’s Day. We don’t forget. We remember every single day, even without you shoving it in our faces. Cut it out.
Every year, I think I’ve finally come to terms with my father’s mysterious death. I get to a point where I feel I can live without knowing what TRULY happened, but all my hard work is undone in June when every form of media seems to exist simply to tell me that dad really would have wanted the complete Stargate franchise on DVD or 43% off a set of self-correcting golf balls or perhaps this keychain with a tentacle on it. I’m sure he would much rather have those things that being dead – who wouldn’t; that tentacle is pretty cool – but since we took extreme precautions to ensure dad would not rise when the dead walk the earth, it’ll never happen. And that sucks. And I don’t appreciate the reminder every fucking year.
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Hey, I know something about mysterious deaths and parents: my mom had one, her being the parent. Careful what you wish for, there. I spent 14 years just trying to get the factual account, and had to wait until I was 19 to request the autopsy as an adult, and next of kin. That didn’t have the full story, but it told me horrible, unfortunate things. Armed with that information, my mother’s sister finally cracked, and I learned things I wanted to learn but could not handle. They are things which, to this day, I cannot accept, but which I know are true. When, if, you learn the truth: be prepared a thousand times over. And don’t pass it off as silly advice, that you ARE prepared and how could I suggest that, silly Jim Lamont.Take it from me, having lived through it — you are NOT. Know that, and at least you will be ready for what sadly will await you. Much love, Kimli!
Having lost both parents by the time I was 22, I totally understand what you’re saying. I am lucky enough to have the awesomeness of my close friends’ parents as surrogates, mostly in the mom department, but it still makes me have a sad every May and June to not have my mom around. It’d be even more frustrating to be in your position, with so much unknowing surrounding the situation. Virtual internet hugs of solidarity from a stranger to hopefully make you feel better.
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