gooooooooooooooooooal(s)

I started 2013 with some pretty specific goals, and pretty much failed all of them spectacularly. My triumph is not that I got one or two things done, but that I did SO BADLY at accomplishing anything at all. This may be taking the “celebrate your failures” mantra a little too literally, but let’s hear it for all the things I foolishly thought I’d do last year:

While looking for my 2011/2012 goals post, I realized I didn’t actually write one: I was too stressed out about losing my job before NYE, and dealing with the aftermath of my cookie adventure in the days that followed. As a result, I completely forgot about my “what I did/what I want to do” post, which is probably for the best: it would have turned into a huge freakout about not having a job and my only goal would have been to fix that immediately. In April, I did just that – did it most spectacularly, actually – and the rest of the year was a great deal of fun, including my much-desired trip to London 2.0. Now that 2012 will draw to an official close in just under 9 hours as of this writing, what do I hope to accomplish in 2013?

  • MORE. ADVENTURE. 

Nope. Didn’t happen. In fact, 2013 was remarkable in that it was the least adventuresome year I’ve had in DECADES. I didn’t travel. I didn’t get arrested. I didn’t go anywhere new and exciting – I didn’t even go places that are old and exciting. As far as I can remember, nothing happened. I spent all of 2013 staring at a wall.

  • MORE. BONERS.

This also didn’t happen, but not for lack of trying. Frankly, I would have been happy with more boners OR more adventure, because more boners would be an adventure unto itself. The same can’t really be said in reverse – I mean, it could, but I can only think of a few examples .. actually, scratch that. My main example was “go see Puppetry of the Penis”, but that does not feature boners only flaccid stretchy dongs. Doesn’t count.

  • Continue to kick ass at my job.

Well, I’m still here. There were definitely moments last year where I thought “YEAH I ROCK WOOOOO GO TEAM AWESOME”, but I ended the year in a slump and I don’t feel as Xena as I have in the past. We’ve currently got a lot of downtime, and I’m always happier and more productive when there are Things Happening.

  • Get promoted.

This is something I actually did. I had originally set my sights on being promoted to Senior Tech Writer, but I actually made a bigger jump than that: I got promoted to a brand new team. My current title is “analyst” (complete with quotation marks because I don’t think it really fits what I do and I’m definitely not being paid “analyst” money). So, I guess I can cross this one out. Go me.

  • It would be pretty lofty of me to wish for time in London for a third year in a row (but oh how much do I want to be back in London – SO MUCH), so I will aim for something a little more this-continenty in 2013: it’s been way too long since I’ve been to Portland. Also, I would really like to do New York again for realz (without the crazy casting schedule and death in the family this time).

None of this happened. No London, no Portland, no New York. Our vacation plans were repeatedly scaled back until they were non-existent, which has a lot to do with my current mental state.

  • Seriously, more adventure. That means getting out of the house more; leaving my comfort zones. I want to see and do new things, meet and do new people, have excellent times that result in epic blog posts (or better yet, the dreaded bullet point cop-out because too much went on to paragraph it all up). Fun: I want to have it.

I had some fun last year, but fun is one of those things you can never get enough of. I’ll always want to have more fun. It gets harder as we all get older, because by 7pm we’re all “whoa it’s so late time for bed”, but I think we can squeeze more enjoyment out of every day activities if we try.

  • More scooting. The arrival of the Minibator meant I didn’t do nearly as much scooting this year as I have in years past, so 2013 will be a good time to fix that.

Didn’t happen. If anything, I did LESS scooting thanks to that incident with the police and the huge traffic ticket and all. Paranoia set in, and then Bad Things happened and I wasn’t able to retake my skills test, and then the year ended.

  • Um .. eat more veggies, I guess.

I guess this one happened – we eat enormous spinach salads pretty regularly, and nothing will ever get between me and delicious lovely tomatoes.

  • Be happy!

Don’t ask, don’t tell. For the most part, I was happy in 2013. Sometimes I was even giddy. However, the majority of the year (from June 28th onward) was really fucking shitty, and right now I am in a foul, foul mood which is colouring my review of 2013. Ask me when I’m in a better mood and 2013 will still have been terrible, but with some good parts here and there. At the moment, I want 2013 to die in a fire and also to smash some barrels or crates or furniture.

So, what about 2014?

  • Travel: I’m going to London. In June. This is a no longer up for debate – I’ll go by myself if I have to, but in June I’ll be 8 hours in the future and my Instagram feed will be delightful.
  • Riding: Even though Ed is a big dumb jerk who sucks, I am going to get my Class 6 license this year. If all goes according to plan, I’ll have it before summer, and then I will spend all non-London time on two wheels, going both near and far (hopefully far).
  • Kittens: I’m getting a kitten. I want a kitten RIGHT NOW (it will do wonders for this black mood I’m in), but I see the logic in waiting until After London. I’m looking to adopt a very specific kind of kitten, so we’ll see what happens – all of the adoption sites I look at don’t have the kitten for me, but should I find one, all bets of common sense are off.
  • Since I’ve conquered the world of promotions, I sure would love to conquer the world of getting a raise.

That’s really about it. It feels like I’m limiting my goals/wants to things that I know will happen so I won’t be disappointed, but maybe that’s just my Bad Mood Cynicism talking: things like fun and adventure and job satisfaction seem really far away right now. I have high hopes for this year and the future, but right now I’m stuck in a slump and can’t find a ladder, and things just keep being needlessly difficult and it’s awfully frustrating. I don’t even have a high point to end this post on. I hate doing the huge downer/first world problems/#fml thing, but goddamnit: stuff sucks. Especially today. I’m going to go home and crawl into bed and cry.

Tomorrow I will be positive no matter what, just to see if helps.

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