I think I may be cursed.
Yesterday afternoon, I think I had a stroke. At the very least, I had something that felt enough like what I imagine a stroke would feel like that I was terrified and tweeting out my last will and testament just in case – it was really bad. In the back of my mind I knew I probably wasn’t having a stroke, but my second Google-fueled diagnosis was pretty scary too: a detached retina. No big, right? Except OH GOD WHAT
Just before 3pm, I was applying makeup in my bathroom. I had an appointment at 4, one that I needed to be more or less presentable for – and nothing says “I’m awesome” like raccoon eyeliner. It was business as usual, but something felt a little weird in my left eye. I blinked (blunk?) through the tickle, but soon realized that there were a lot of bright flashing lights all around me. Given that I hadn’t accidentally walked into a room of paparazzi with low standards, and I wasn’t in the middle of a rave, I was a little worried. As the lights grew brighter and more distracting, I started to feel nauseous and dizzy and more than a little scared – I’d never experienced anything like this before. The flashing lights were the worst part, because I couldn’t escape them: bright yellow/black/white zigzag stripes bracketing my left eye, seen in my peripheral vision when my eyes were opened or closed. I felt like I was going to pass out or throw up (or do both in one spectacular splash), and it sucked. A lot. Even more so because of that appointment at 4 that I needed to get to. I couldn’t scoot or drive or teleport, the lights weren’t going away, and I was in a right bloody panic about it all – the only saving grace was Ed’s willingness to drive me to my appointment, lights and all. Ed is awesome.
Eventually, the lights faded out of my eyes and then disappeared entirely, only to be replaced with a massive headache. When I was able to actually use my brain again, I discovered that I very likely just experienced my very first ever Ocular Migraine – not a stroke, and probably not a torn retina. I’ve never felt anything like that, and I’m not in any great hurry to try it again. If I had to leave a review of the ocular migraine, it would receive my lowest score ever: seven thumbs up (by which I mean F————–, would not buy again).
I managed to get to my 4pm appointment, but the less said about that, the better. It .. did not go well. It’s exceedingly difficult to make a presentation when you think you’re about to keel over and die from stroking.
Cursed, I tells ya.