the good ship pointy dong

Yesterday we went penis sailing:

totally a penis

totally a penis

It’s a little Lara Croft circa 1996, but it’s clearly a penis. And it was totally unintentional, too – we didn’t realize the route we took until we looked at the GPS-dealie when we returned to dock. Pointy cocks: they’re always on our mind.

It was Ed’s birthday yesterday, and we spent it in an excellent fashion: on Renee and Damian’s boat, sailing around the Burrard Inlet like fancy people. Ed and I had originally planned to take the Sea-to-Sky Gondola up a mountain for some epic views and bears, but a pulled hamstring (his, not mine) put a limp in our plans. R&D had already planned to go sailing, so we asked if we could join the three hour tour.

I spent most of Saturday night chopping vegetables in preparation for the voyage and also in a misguided attempt to soothe myself with knives – after a fun breakfast and long scooter ride, our collective day went to shit via a spilled container of sour cream and a cat-traumatizing fire alarm. It wasn’t planned, but I was That Person on Sunday .. the one who brings vegetarian and vegan dishes to a bbq. Not really necessary since all ten people on the boat were shameless meatigans, but delicious all the same: Vince Dip and Mango Salsa make any occasion an extra good time.

The gondola will happen another weekend, but we had a fantastic time on the boat all the same. Ed had a good birthday, which is the most important thing – he’s not a fan of big showy displays, so a low-key penis sail was just the thing.

That being said ..

I’m surprisingly bad at shedding my cool, detached cynicism and showing genuine affection for those I love, both in meatspace and online. I am not sure why this is – probably because I am just that super cool – but I’ve been actively trying to shed my surprisingly prudish and aloof ways. So!

Happy birthday, Ed. Here are some of the reasons I love you:

  • You make me laugh even when I don’t want to
  • You bring me drinks whenever I ask, and sometimes even when I don’t ask
  • You are ridiculously generous
  • You still smell good, even after a million years
  • You never eat all of my candy stash
  • You let me have the spare room to house all my ridiculousness, even though you work from home
  • Watching you interact with the cats is adorable (but I still don’t want babies)
  • You don’t want babies either
  • You accept my nonsense as simply who I am, and you still chose to stick around
  • You care about things
  • You’re the best pigeon rescuer I know
  • I love our actual conversations, the ones we have when we’re done being silly
  • You get it. This one is harder to articulate, but it relates to the point above. When we talk about feminism, sexism, racism, and more, you totally get it and that makes me so proud of you I could burst.
  • We are very alike in a lot of ways, but the ways in which we differ make my life better and I love you for it


also: boners

One thought on “the good ship pointy dong

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s