Last night we gave a lady hard poops.
(I’m on a roll today – it’s not even noon and I’ve already made two poop jokes on the internet)
A large group of friends went out for dinner last night to celebrate Renee’s birthday. After we stuffed ourselves silly, we walked back to where Ed and I had parked our bikes because I had forgotten to bring Renee’s present with me to dinner. While at the bikes, we did a number of civilly disobedient things, like:
- Laugh at the travel cards from the previous post
- Eat a lot of candy
- Stand around talking and having a good time
- Taking a group picture
While all these petty crimes were going on, a lady who looked very very constipated walked by our group and demanded to know why we were there. It was not enough we were parked there – we did not live in her building, so she told us to leave. As we weren’t doing anything untoward and she likely did not own the sidewalk, we declined her helpful suggestion. This made her angry, so she threatened to call the police. Knowing the most illegal thing any of us had done that day was to sit idly by my scooter at an expired meter, we cheerfully agreed that she should call the police. This made her angrier! She called someone on the phone, glaring at us fiercely the entire time as we carried on with our hilarious conversations and candy (there was so much candy).
As she spoke on the phone (undoubtedly to the very Chief of Police), several things happened:
- Two volunteer community “police” walked by our group and completely ignored us
- An elderly lady with a delightfully puffy dog walked by with her companion and allowed us all to pet her fluffy dog and was very sweet
- The constipated woman went into her building but stood at the door watching our every move, including whipping out her phone to film our nefarious activity
The police never showed up, and we eventually dispersed – not because she was recording our criminal asses, but because we were actually in the midst of saying goodbye to one another (there were 11 of us, it takes a while) when she so rudely interrupted us. She filmed us for a good long while before giving up, but not before warning others in the building lobby about the no-good ruffians lurking on the sidewalk outside the building.
Just for fun, our group was made up of:
- Web Applications Team Lead and Project Manager
- Lead Catherine
- Senior Administrative Assistant, Executive Office
- Senior Technical Writer and Manager, Special Projects
- Guy in Charge of #YVR
- A Social Worker who does more good on a random Tuesday at 3pm than the rest of us do all year
- Director of Ed, Sales and Analytics
- A Technical CEO
- Senior Procurement and Outfitting Manager
- Mega DBA
That woman must have had the hardest, angriest poops last night.
This seems like an appropriate place to acknowledge that although the woman was over the top in her anger and response (and to be truthful, we in our cheek and sass), we all benefited greatly from being mostly white upwardly mobile Canadians. Had we (well, they) been of colour, or in a city less Vancouver, it could have had a much different ending. I am uneasily grateful for this privilege.