under pressure

I bought an Instant Pot right before Christmas, but it’s still in the box because I am afraid of it.

I do intend to use it, but I’m having trouble deciding what I want to make. I’ve scoured the internet for recipes and suggestions, but I’m finding a lot of “omg best ever” lists full of stuff I would never eat. I’m a picky eater, but mostly I don’t want to have to go out and buy a whole bunch of ingredients for something I might not enjoy. Also, that whole “stuff I would never eat” thing, no matter how many moms swear that it’s the best thing they’ve ever made in their entire lives omg aren’t we so healthy and twee, such as:

  • Creamy Dairy-Free Potato and Kale Soup: If the word “creamy” is right in the title, don’t then tell me it’s “dairy-free” like that’s a good thing. If I want a creamy soup, cream better be an ingredient. Chickpea water is not cream. Also, kale is overrated and terrible. Hard pass on this recipe.
  • Lentil Tacos: no. For starters, I thought lentils were just pretentious beans. I looked it up, and it turns out “The lentil (Lens culinaris) is an edible pulse.”. WHAT. I’m not eating a pulse. If I want tacos, I will make them the way god intended: STUFFED FULL OF MEATS
  • Butternut Squash Risotto: I am not a fan of risotto, because I am Asian and rice should never be mushy. Also, this recipe is both vegan and gluten-free and that makes me cranky.
  • Paleo Butternut Squash Soup: So, is it like, law that all instant pot recipes have to use squash? I’ve been squash-shy ever since the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard incident of ’08. If I had known I was required to be some sort of squash-loving mega mom to own an Instant Pot, I probably would have passed.

The food I cook at home usually involves a lot of cheese, because cheese is life. Where does the cheese go in a squash soup? Probably nowhere. I’m sure I’ll find something to make that sounds like something we’d eat, but in the meantime, I’m clicking through a lot of internet and making stink-face at all the squash, kale, quinoa, and icky things I want nothing to do with.

I AM AN ADULT.

PS: “Instant Pot” would be a good name for a weed store.

4 thoughts on “under pressure

  1. Uh, the only way to eat weird paleo soups is by grating a whole bunch of cheese on at the end.

    Things I made with my Instant Pot since getting it a few weeks ago:
    A shit ton of stock – for stuffing, gravy, xiao long bao
    Japanese curry (http://www.justonecookbook.com/pressure-cooker-japanese-curry/)
    Hainanese chicken (http://www.pressurecookrecipes.com/hainanese-chicken-rice-pressure-cooker/)
    A made up rib meat stew based on pho spices
    Steel cut oats

  2. Hey Kimli, I’ve used a pressure cooker recently – you can do it! And think of it like a slow cooker that works FAST – then put in beef short ribs & red wine. You will love it.

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