I admit it. I can’t breathe when I’m wearing my mask. To be honest, it is cruel to say I must wear it in public – after thirty seconds, I have extreme difficulty breathing. I get dizzy, disoriented, and there’s no way I’m getting enough oxygen. I simply don’t understand why I have to wear the mask at all. Sure, I might protect someone else from my germs, but at what cost? My dignity, freedom, ability to breathe? No sir. I’m a proud, independent woman, and I refuse to wear my mask in public. Just look at how restrictive this is, and tell me this won’t cause me any physical or mental difficulties:

Thankfully, the face masks meant to protect from/against COVID are nowhere near as restrictive as this crow mask. I have no problem wearing a medical mask, because I am not a massive asshole who doesn’t care about other people. I mean, I’m a massive asshole, but I do care – I’m just an asshole while I’m caring, as is my government-given right.

DOWN WITH MANDATORY CROW MASKS. THUMBS UP TO MEDICAL FACE MASKS!

Seriously, wear the fucking face mask. You can get ones with sequins, or swearing. I have both! They’re great. Avoid crow* masks, though. They’re really hard to wear and smell kinda bad inside.

*: crow, horse, giant baby head – all rubber masks like this stop being fun after the first 45 seconds.