It’s not like I woke up early one morning at the start of summer and thought to myself “self, it would be totally awesome if you completely ignored your blog for, like, DAYS AT A TIME” or anything – it just feels that way. Most likely only to me, but still. I am a neglectful monster. The internet should have me taken away.

So, what’s been going on around here? A whole lot of everything and nothing, all at once. Work is indeed better, both by design and by the amazing mental power of my own ostrich-like confidence that everything will turn out the way I want it to. I’ve been scooting a lot as usual, but the heat makes the ride less refreshing and more like riding through pudding. I haven’t managed to go to the beach beyond that first trip several weeks ago, but I’ve been keeping myself busy with friends and various things that go boop and beep.

What are you doing this Sunday? If you are free, I implore you to consider coming down to the Art Gallery at 3pm. Someone on Yelp is attempting to arrange a Bubble Bash, and we all know how I feel about bubbles (hint: I fucking love them). I’ll be there with all my bubble paraphernalia, blowing strangers until I run out of juice. I don’t care if I’m the only one who shows up; I haven’t had time to arrange a bubble picnic yet this summer so this will have to suffice. Sunday! 3pm! Vancouver Art Gallery steps, facing Georgia! BUBBLES!

It’s not at all like I’ve been doing nothing with my time – just last night, I invented Death Metal:

What did you do with YOUR Thursday night?

THE FUTURE IS AWESOME!

Reilly went above and beyond the call of duty yesterday, and scored me an iPhone 4 while standing in line for his own. You’re allowed two per customer and he was only there to buy one, so he bought the second for me and delivered it to my office. YAY! Reilly is super!

I set it up last night, and have been tinkering with it all day. I also did a mass purge of applications; scaling down to 185 from an all-time high of 215. I spent a good amount of time rearranging my icons and folders (again) to make it it a little easier to locate items. Once all that was done, I took a giant leap into the terrifying: I jailbroke my phone so I could install MyWi and My3G. These two apps will allow me to a) turn my iPhone into a wi-fi hotspot, allowing me to tether my iPad to it from anywhere and b) use Facetime over 3G. The second is really just a novelty, as I don’t really talk on the phone let alone have any interest in having someone watch me do it – but the first was the entire reason I bought the setup I have now. I have the 6GB data plan that I’ve never come remotely close to using up, and now that I can tether the iPad to it .. the potential is limitless and kind of awesome.

I am tickled several shades of happy about this all. I wasn’t expecting to get my hands on an iPhone 4 until the end of August if at all – Reilly is totally my hero of the month. Hooray for awesome people!

I named my phone Atomic Broccoli.

What?

I have decided that I am no longer stressed out. Not because it’s a special form of hell, or because I am having some sort of breakdown, or because it’s just plain no fun – no, I’m refusing to be stressed out any longer because it’s DOING REALLY BAD THINGS TO MY SKIN.

Seriously, I am tired of having wrinkles AND zits. This sucks, so I am done with it. My hair is also suffering – where the hell did this FRIZZ come from? So, no more. Everything is super; therefore, my skin will clear up and my hair will stop making me wonder what I look like bald. Hooray! I should write a book about the Power of Positive Thinking and call it something mysterious like “The Answer” or “The Ticket” – I’ll get on Oprah and make MILLIONS. I’ve found my phase 2!

I AM in a fairly good mood, though. I slept relatively well, no one looked in my windows to see me naked, and I am completely adoring the fact that Ed has been riding Oscar for the last couple of weeks. He’s waiting for his exhaust to come back from somewhere, and instead of being without wheels I convinced him to ride the Vino instead. It delights me to no end to see both of my scooters parked together when we go out. I’m still technically trying to sell Oscar, but it’s kind of really awesome to have a back up scooter to go to when one is under the weather. I know this is pretty spoiled of me, but it’s SO HANDY. I’ll enjoy it while I can – there’s nothing worse than wanting to go on an Adventure only to have Ed not be able to ride because his bike has a problem AGAIN, so this is doing a lot to keep my rage at a minimum. I am not difficult to please – I just want everyone to be able to drop everything at my whim and play along. That isn’t too much to ask.

I reverse engineered a crappy Chinese toy at work this morning, and I am feeling powerful. Fear my screwdriver!

I can’t *not* stare at this every time I get into the elevator at work:

"kind" indeed

It’s depressing as hell. I wish the building people would do something about it – there’s no reason for that one elevator to have padding up 24/7, especially when people love to vandalize it – but they won’t, so it stays. Hooray for humanity! We’ve come such a long way.

i'd rather be up there

I had excellent intentions to sleep in this morning, but the knock on my window before 8am and two guys looking in at my naked quickly put a stop to that plan. Apparently window washers do not celebrate BC Day, and are outside my third floor suite with squeegees and a hose. They were likely more embarrassed than I was about my nudity, because I was mostly asleep when I realized they could probably see a mile of tit or two – their muttered conversation of “well, they KNEW we were coming today” meant little, because a) no we didn’t and b) it’s a holiday! Who cleans windows at 7am on a holiday?

Lemon is championing us ferociously by growling at the window washers. It is cute.

Aborted sleep aside, it is a holiday up in these parts and I am not at work. This is good, because I’ve had a Weekend of Adventure and could use this one more day to collect myself and maybe sit on a beach for several hours slathered in sunscreen and sand. In addition to the relaxation, this activity would be free – it’s been a very expensive weekend thus far, so free would be good. We’ve been to the Eatery, Playland, Incendios, Granville Island and Rogue Wet Bar since Friday, and while I am stuffed with ridiculously good food I am also poor now. I regret nothing, except maybe the Eatery (so. much. mayonnaise.) and going on the Gladiator at Playland. The rest of it was full of awesome.

I wish I could have gone to Pride, but I am no good in crowds. Every year I make plans to go, then .. don’t. It’s not for lack of love for either rainbows or gay sex, but I know I’d be vastly uncomfortable in the masses and it would be full of sad. Ironically, the fix is simple – be IN the parade. I could definitely get behind being a part of the celebration in some capacity – it’s on my bucket list – and yes, I know it’s ridiculous but so like me to hate crowds so hard but long to be on display in front of them. I am complicated, but I am okay with that.

Last night Shan and I went to see the closing performance of Hair, done by the same group that put on Rent last year. It was part of my birthday present – two tickets to that thing I like – and it was awesome. I hadn’t realized that the stage version was so different from the movie, and I was pleasantly surprised at all the wangs and boobs on display – so much naked! I don’t think I could handle being a hippie, though. The clothing kind of freaked Shan out – so many patterns – but I was dismayed to note that the stage costumes weren’t really that different from the things I currently have in my closet. I’m getting a lot better, but there was an extended period of several years in which I wore things that could easily be described as “hideous” for both fun and profit: SOMEONE had to provide colour, so it might as well be me. I still have the occasional bout of paisley, but seriously I’m much better now.

I’m going to be listening to the Hair soundtrack for weeks now. Sorry, Ed. MANCHESTER ENGLAND ENGLAND ACROSS THE ATLANTIC SEEEEEEEA AND I’M A GENIUS GENIUS I BELIEVE IN GOD AND I BELIEVE THAT GOD BELIEVES IN CLAUDE THAT’S ME

I am glad July is over. Bring on August!

I spent a ridiculous amount of time yesterday morning reorganizing my iPhone folders into what, at the time, seemed like a perfectly logical system:

so logical!

it makes perfect sense!

.. naturally, I can’t find a goddamn thing. I don’t *want* to spend hours rearranging things again, so I’m going to suck it up and live with it at least until I get my new phone (I never did get around to doing anything to get myself an iPhone 4 on launch day; I couldn’t be bothered to .. you know, do anything about it. I’m on about 8 waiting lists; I’ll get one when I get one) since it’ll just alphabetize everything anyway (will it? it did last time, and it filled me with rage). There’s got to be a logical order for things that isn’t alphabetical – I’m sure it’ll come to me in the shower one day. In the meantime, don’t ask me to look anything up. I am all but useless.

Tonight I am going to watch hippies sing and dance! Hooray!

The Church of St. Mark’s has a helpful tool online:

Is there is an evil within you or someone you care about? Do they look at you with a strangers eyes? Is there a fear in your home, an abomination around you that makes your skin crawl? Perhaps something terrible has already happened, or will soon. Do something about it. This test puts 25 years of demonology and possession into your hands. Take the questionnaire and learn which demonic force – if any – may be plaguing you or someone you love.

Oh snap! I took the Demon Questionnaire, and I’m in trouble:

You may be afflicted with a demon known as KATAL
Katal is the demon of jealousy and bitterness – he’s the spitting image of Lucifer his master who rebelled against the true God. He finds his way into the hearts of those who are envious of those around them, who think ill of family, friends and neighbors. Signs: those possessed by Katal will have violent mood swings, they will have a cold, clammy sweat and most frighteningly, may bleed from the eyes. Those around the possessed may hear a menacing, whispered voice with no obvious source.

Scary! I must do additional research, stat!

The katal (symbol: kat) is the SI unit of catalytic activity. It is a derived SI unit for expressing quantity values of catalytic activity of enzymes and other catalysts. Its use is recommended by the General Conference on Weights and Measures and other international organizations. It replaces the non-SI enzyme unit. Enzyme units are, however, still more commonly used than the katal in practice at present, especially in biochemistry.

Wait, what?

I’m onto you, St. Mark! You won’t trick ME into chemistry!

I’m amused and somewhat pleased that even when I’m having the worst week/month I’ve had in a very long time, my first instinct is to still be ridiculously generous towards strangers. Haters gonna hate; ISoS gonna live up to his nickname; self-righteous Twitter asshats gonna throw swords my way because I don’t think the universe revolves around their crotch droppings; and the world just keeps on spinnin’.

I got on the elevator this morning with a guy carrying a helmet. I asked him what he rode because I am both nosy and trying to get to know my neighbours, and it turns out he was the owner of the Ruckus that appeared in our parkade last month. I told him I was the silly looking Vespa around the corner, and we chatted about scooters and how awesome they are for a bit. He mentioned that he only has one parking spot so he stores his scooter at his parent’s place in the winter – to which my mouth and heart responded before my brain could catch up, “That’s silly; your scooter would totally fit in our parking spot with ours! I live in suite 169; come park with us when you’re done riding!”.

I don’t regret my offer at all – it’s true; his scooter would totally fit in our spot and we’d still have enough room to store others (and how awesome/hilarious would it be to have four friggin’ scooters in one spot; it’s like North Van all over again) – I’m just bemused at my immediate benevolence, especially given the jet black stormy thoughts I’ve had towards the human race lately. For all I know, this guy could be the scooter equivalent of a serial killer and I’ve invited him into my scooter home. What if he gets all stabby with either Lola or Oscar or me? What if his Ruckus has some kind of scooter STD and infects everything around him? What if his fiancée boils a rabbit on my stove? These are all valid concerns and things I should have thought about before opening my mouth to invite him into my world. I didn’t, though, and I’m kind of glad about it – even though things are kind of bad right now in my head (sorry, pancakes) my gut reaction is to be kind to others. This makes me feel good.