Category Archives: everyday kimli

testing kimli

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I’m a planner. I plan things. For example, I’ve had this trip to Edinburgh booked since August 20th. Knowing I’d have to get to the train station super early in the morning, I then booked a car to fetch me from the flat – that’s been booked since August 23rd. I like to have everything organized and planned so I don’t have to stress out about how, what, when, and why. 

The car didn’t show up this morning. That is not only annoying, but infuriating: it was a pre-paid booking, so now I have to deal with angry emails and refunds (for not only this trip, but the other two trips I have booked and paid because I am not doing this again). 

Luckily, there’s Uber in London, and a car was relatively close by. The driver picked me up and we were off into nasty traffic. No worries, he assured me he’d have me at the station with plenty of time to spare. He dropped me off at 7:10, and everything was peachy. 

.. Until I realized I was at the WRONG STATION. 

My train was departing from King’s Cross, and the driver took me to Euston. I now had 11 minutes to get to the station “just a five minute walk away”, which is great if you don’t have stupid tiny elf legs which walk slower than broken turtles. I tried hailing a taxi, but they were all in use. Desperate, I hopped a bus (which I almost missed, when the driver shut the door in my face). 

7:26. At the right station. But where am I going? Luckily the platform was close by and not further down, because I would have been fucked. I scanned my ticket in, dodged 100 people exiting their own train, and found my platform. I’m in Car E, and naturally I was at the other end, by Car ZZQOR7🌀🔱. Run. Run run run run. Slow to a walk, because fucking ow. Final boarding announced, so I got on the nearest car and made my way up to my (occupied, naturally) seat. Shuffled some friends who didn’t want to move, sat my ass down, and almost cried – I literally made it with seconds to spare. 

Now I am sweaty, exhausted, grumpy, and hungry .. but on my way to Scotland, so I got that going for me which is nice. 

halfway

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I’m officially at the halfway point of my vacation – 12 days down, 12 to go. I’ve done many THINGS in those 12 days, even on the days (such as today) where I did nothing at all (more on that later). Still, I’m starting to feel the panic of “oh god I’m running out of time”, which is pretty ridiculous .. but when I look at the list of things I still want to see/do/accomplish/stare at, I’m daunted. There is daunt. So much of it. It doesn’t help matters that I’m taking off for three of those 12 days, either – I leave for Edinburgh on Wednesday morning. I’m very excited about it – I’ve never seen Scotland – but that leaves only 9 days to Do Things. And that’s really just 8 days, because I included the day I leave. NO TIME! AHHH!

This is what I’ve done in my 12 days of London:

  • Day 1: Visited Shoreditch, looked at graffiti, wandered through Old Spitalfields Market, outfitted myself in gear for the Secret Cinema at the RebelX pop-up shop, did some groceries (nothing but pudding), topped up my Oyster Card for travelin’
  • Day 2: Went to Covent Gardens where I stumbled upon all the sheep, walked each of the Seven Dials, found the theatre district, spent too much time in Primark and bought all the socks
  • Day 3: Nothing. Brain shut down. Did laundry, caught up on sleep.
  • Day 4: Made my way down to the waterfront, took many pictures of Big Ben, then went to the Secret Cinema which was amazing and I would totally attend another. How do you instil awe over a 34 year old movie? This is how.
  • Day 5: Piccadilly Circus (omg I miss my cats), Chinatown, Trafalgar Square, National Portrait Gallery, and walked Brompton Cemetery, where the old lady ghost yelled at me.
  • Day 6: Went to the first of three lookout rooftops, wandered the Millennium Bridge, partook of some art in Tate Modern, walked along the river until I was sore and frozen. Did some constructive vandalism at a GBK by fixing the spelling on the billboard.
  • Day 7: All the pictures! Went to the Sky Garden, Leadenhall Market, and the Shard!
  • Day 8: Bus tour! Went to Stonehenge and Bath, where I found giant Diet Coke. Both were cool, but Bath was awesome. Wish I could have spent more time there.
  • Day 9: Slept in, then went out in the evening for late night at the V&A. Spent a long time sitting in my favourite spot in the courtyard, then had some cake in the cafeteria while eavesdropping on a loud pretentious jerk explaining politics to his trapped friends.
  • Day 10: Spent much of the day at Portobello Market. Was grumpy at first, but settled into the rhythm of the night crowd and had some fun. Had less fun when a strange man stroked my face and called me beautiful. Was wigged out for a while, felt better after spending money. Had a major epiphany about said money while sitting on a curb eating pizza: money is snacks.
  • Day 11: All the walking. Found a actual, factual hell on earth – inside an American-chain pizza restaurant. It was 3 floors down, dark and oddly foggy (it looked like smoke but didn’t smell like fire or cigarettes), cram-packed with people stuffing their faces with 100 more milling about the entry way, trying to get in. It was sweaty, loud, chaotic, and all together horrible. There was a “salad bar” in one corner, with almost empty vats of mayo-based salads for people to ladle onto plates – nothing green in sight. I don’t shock easily, but this place totally shocked me. You could have told me it was a Dismaland exhibit, and I’d have believed you – it looked like someone miming what they thought American culture was all about, and it was hideous.

    After I escaped (I was there to use the bathroom), I went to Marble Arch (where all of London pees). It was Sunday, so Speaker’s Corner in Hyde Park was in full swing – there were people on ladders and crates yelling things, with crowds gathered to listen and debate. All of the yellers were men. Most of them were yelling about religion. I really wanted a soapbox of my own so I could yell things too, but someone was already yelling about Diet Coke so I don’t know what I would have yelled about. Probably some nice vague Canadianesque things, like “THE WEATHER IS BEAUTIFUL TODAY!” “RECYCLING IS GOOD!” “IT’S NICE TO BE NICE!”, etc.

    Walked the entire Hyde Park, which is really big. Spent some time sitting on the shore of the Serpentine, making friends with swans and geese and a little Muslim girl whom I shared bread with for bird feedin’. Found the Diana Memorial Fountain, visited the Serpentine Gallery, and found the Serpentine Pavilion, which sadly wasn’t that great. Much more impressive was the Albert Memorial, which was right across from the Royal Albert Hall.

  • Day 12: Nothing, again. I had some wicked insomnia last night, and didn’t fall asleep until 6am. Also had some weird kidney pain that had me worried and awake. Slept until the afternoon, when I got up and moved to the couch and promptly slept some more. I ordered pizza that is quite delicious, did some work, and now I am writing words.

That’s a lot, right? I shouldn’t feel as guilty as I do for taking two whole Nothing days?

I miss Ed and my cats and TV and water pressure. Still many adventures to have and they will be great but I could use many hugs and someone to bring me icy Diet Coke and cats all up in my business.

my favourite kind of art (by jimmie durham)

my favourite kind of art (by jimmie durham)

getting high in london

Posted in everyday kimli, international kimli by

Places that are not Vancouver are all weird and flat, so if you get up really high you can see for miles. There are a number of places you can go for a great view, and seeing as I am now an expert in great views (having seen three in as many days), I thought I’d share my findings with y’all.

One New Change Place

Perfect if you:

  • Are mildly afraid of heights
  • Hate queues
  • Don’t trust x-ray machines
  • Are on a budget
  • Can work an elevator yourself, thank you very much
  • Really like St. Paul’s Cathedral and want to admire it from different angles

One New Change Place is free and self-service all the way. It’s also the lowest rooftop terrace I went to, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth a visit. Located directly behind St. Paul’s Cathedral, people are free to take the elevator up to the roof and have a look around. There are a couple of cocktail bars up there if you’re fixing for a sky drink, but you aren’t obligated to purchase anything. Great views of the Tower of London and St. Paul’s can be had here, and if you’re as lucky as I was, you’ll encounter a class of ESL high school students on a field trip to read their essays on London’s notable sights aloud.

Sample views from One New Change Place:

P1040955 P1040962

The Sky Garden

Perfect if you:

  • Are FANCY AS FUCK
  • Love greenery
  • Want to try some fancy cocktails
  • Love waiting in line
  • Could walk through full body scanners all day long
  • Prefer to spend your pounds on the aforementioned fancy cocktails instead of admission

The Sky Garden is another free viewing platform, and a much fancier one than One New Change Place. It does require booking a ticket online in advance, as it gets very busy during the tourist season – I arrived well before my 2pm entry time, but still had to queue up with the masses. There is a security checkpoint to go through with an x-ray scanner for bags, but once you’re through that, you take a fancy elevator some 36 floors up and walk into – wait for it – a garden in the sky. There’s a couple of restaurants and a bar serving snacks, drinks, and fancy (aka expensive) cocktails. Again, you’re not obligated to spend any money while visiting the Sky Garden, but it’s really tempting to get a glass of wine and admire the view while daydreaming up a fabulous backstory for yourself. I highly recommend visiting the Sky Garden if you’re in London, because just look at this place:

look at this majestic shit right here

this is some majestic shit right here

I am tempted to return to the Sky Garden in the evening before the end of my trip. It was really cool.

The Shard!

Perfect if you are:

  • Rich
  • Proposing to your girlfriend
  • An annoying Italian tourist having a very important, very loud conversation
  • A rude woman who refused to stop taking pictures of the sunset (on a piece of shit camera, with the fucking flash on) for even half a second so I could get in and grab a shot for myself, even though her husband asked her 4 times to move for me
  • In love with heights
  • Really into amazing views

The View from the Shard is expensive – £25.95 per adult ticket. However, it’s also the tallest building in Europe, and offers a one-of-a-kind view of London. There are three levels to view from – the 68th, 69th, and 72nd floors – a couple of standard bars offering snacks and champagne, and no limit to how long you spend gazing out the window. The Shard is something I’d always wanted to do on previous trips, but it can be prohibitively expensive if you’re in a group and/or have to choose which things to skip due to time or money. It was the perfect (if a little lonely-panged, especially during the surprise proposal with all of her friends in attendance) thing to do by myself, and I timed my visit so I’d arrive with plenty of pre, during, and post sunset viewing. The views were amazing, the exhibit and audio tour were cool, and the staff was very friendly (one of them brought me a chair when I plopped myself down on the floor so I could stare at the Tower Bridge without being jostled) – but don’t go to the Shard for any of these reasons. Instead, go because of this:

IMG_4098

All the bathrooms are on the 68th floor, and along the exterior of the building. They’re each a self-contained unit with toilet, sink, dryer, etc.

FullSizeRender

I literally took this photo WHILE PEEING.

IT WAS THE GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD.

There are blinds you can draw, of course, but WHY WOULD YOU. WATCH ME PEE, WORLD! I AM LITERALLY ON THE EDGE!

That bathroom was worth the price of admission alone. I highly recommend it.

There are some good views to be had outside the bathroom, too:

just after the sun set (which I did not get a picture of because that woman sucked so hard)

basically the entire reason I went to the shard: tower bridge at night

That bathroom, though. So good.

If you prefer your city views to have a little more history behind them, there are two others I know of: you can climb the Monument to the Great Fire of London (£4), or climb the various domes in St. Paul’s (£18). I have not done these – note the use of the word climb; these attractions are stairs-only and I have a heart condition (and also have walked an average of 8 hours a day for the past week and my blisters have blisters), so I’m skipping these. Plus, I’m kind of all viewed out at the moment. You should see the other pictures.

Do you know of any other must-see vantage points in London I should check out while I’m here? And if you ever find yourself at one of these places because of my recommendation, please let me know – I’d love to know what you thought.

Okay, I need to sleep. Tomorrow: museums! Yay!

one week

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I’ve now been in London for a full week, with a great deal of time still to go. It does feel like I’ve been here for quite a while, but that’s likely because I am enjoying a ridiculous life of leisure and walking. Time behaves differently when you have no responsibilities.

I’ve set a goal for myself to do at least one new thing a day the entire time I’m here. The magnitude of the new thing has no rules, so it could be something as simple as ordering a small Diet Coke instead of one the size of my head – it’s the act of something new, not the quality. That being said, I’ve done a great number of things in the week I’ve been here, and even learned a few Life Lessons along the way:

  • It’s okay to be lonely. Truthfully, my first few days here were kind of rough – I was seriously doubting my ability to be on my own/away from home for 25 days. Even now, when I’m thoroughly enjoying myself and am in full-on vacation mode, I get a little lonely when I see couples or groups of friends being all togethery. Pretty sure that’s less a personal failing and more a sign of my humanity (which is good because frankly I was getting a little worried).
  • Don’t take pictures of a fox in a cemetery, or an old lady ghost will yell at you
  • When you’re standing at the end of a tube car to get some air, it is pretty fucking terrifying when the door that separates the two cars decides to open and swing past you mid-station
  • 5am is terribly early, no matter the time zone
  • Egg holders make decent ice cube trays in a pinch
  • European laundry is hilarious. I get the whole “energy efficient” thing and being green is cool but it literally takes 210 minutes for one wash cycle, and another day to air-dry things.

I had more Important Life Lessons to share, but I have to catch a bus to Stonehenge so they will have to wait. I need to do laundry later, so I should be able to write a novel in the time it takes my delicates to be thoroughly cleansed of all my sins.

Slightly westward ho!

sophisticated musings

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Random thoughts while wandering around Covent Gardens:

  • There are SO MANY SHEEP
  • The UK doesn’t use a dollar; everything is in pounds. It only makes sense, then, that all dollar stores are pound stores – which makes everything HILARIOUS. Poundland! Poundworld! Poundorama! Heeeeeheheheeh
  • I need more tassels and a cigarette if I want to pass as a local
  • My feet hurt
  • My inability to determine my left from right is really fucking with me
  • Primark is the devil (who sells excellent socks)
  • I am not eating nearly enough for the amount of walking I’m doing
  • Never stop to calculate the exchange. You will be much happier living in blissful ignorance.

It took a couple of days, but I think I’m finally back on track. My sleep brain wouldn’t get out of nap mode, so I couldn’t sleep for more than 3-4 hours at a time. That is not enough sleep unless it is Tuesday at 7pm, and while I have no idea what day it is anymore, I am fairly certain is not that. Last night I managed to sleep for a very very long time with only a brief period of consciousness in the middle, so I’m hoping that managed to reset things. Regardless, today is Take it Easy Day – I slept in, I’m doing some laundry, I’ve eaten some damn luxurious yogurt, and I will likely head out to wander London in the early evening.

Not having any kind of agenda is kind of liberating, as well as slightly anxiety-inducing. I keep forgetting that I have a very long time here, and I don’t need to do everything all at once – I can return to places if I wish, and I don’t need to buy all the things immediately. Still, it’s my natural inclination to feel guilt when I am not doing All the Things, which leads to overdoing (like yesterday, when I was unintentionally out until 11pm and wondering why I felt so bloody awful when I hadn’t eaten for like 7 hours of walking).

I have not yet been down to the waterfront, which is why there haven’t been approximately 1000 photos of Large Benjamin and his assorted stately pals. This could also be why it doesn’t *really* feel like I’m in London yet – I haven’t been by any of the iconic London things. Soon, though. Perhaps even tonight. This luxurious yogurt is making me want to explore.

chaos

shoreditch chaos

more awake = more words

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I can’t sleep, so it must be time to write. I did manage to take 2.5 epic naps though, so I’m almost caught up – it’s actually 6:30 in the morning, which is a normal time for people to be awake (or so I hear). I could try to ignore my loud insistent hunger and try to get some more sleep, but I’m confident that it’d be a futile effort. Instead, you get words. How nice for you!

I’ve discovered that an important part of traveling long distances is having an adult with me so they can handle all the complicated things everything. I do not function well when I am tired and I cannot sleep if I am not comfortable, so sleeping on the plane is out of the question. This ends up in an exhausted Kimli trying to make logical brain statements to border guards, and them not really believing her because she sounds really stupid. That might work in my favour, though – clearly I am too stupid to be trying to pull wool over eyes.

There were a bazillion people at the border, and it was very very warm. I was sweaty and plane gross by the time I made it up to the booth, where I encountered a guard who was highly suspicious of me. There were a lot of questions, and I could see him trying to find holes in my story (which was less a story than the literal truth):

  • He didn’t believe that I was here just to do “touristy things”, saying “Didn’t you do enough ‘touristy things’ during your last trip here?” Dude, there is a famous quote that says “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life” – which is basically my reason for being here. Yes, I am going to do “touristy things”. You live in a neat place, you see.
  • There were a lot of questions about where I’m staying. One of my coworkers has family in London, and they own a row house with several units in it, two of which do not have tenants. He and his dad were generous enough to let me stay here for a ridiculous price, for which I am super grateful. The border guard thought that was weird – weird enough to ask me if we were “more than friends”, because apparently in his world people aren’t awesome. That makes me sad. :(
  • Then came the questions about what I do for a living. I have these questions myself, so it was difficult to get my point across on no sleep. “I’m a tech writer. I manage things, like servers and apps. Sometimes I edit words, and JIRA is involved somehow, and I copywrite and audit things.” Basically, I’m a tech writer who doesn’t tech write very often but still has the title because it’s better than “no one is really sure but she’s pretty vital”.
  • I forgot how to spell the company’s name.
  • He asked to see my return ticket home. I opened the Expedia app which showed that I have a whole bunch of upcoming trips that go to and from Vancouver, which should have been a good sign that I am leaving when I say I am. He scowled at the app, so I brought up the receipt for my ticket which had my itinerary. It took a while to find, because I purchased the ticket in May. This was also cause for confusion – my god, has he never encountered anyone who plans the shit out of their trips months in advance?! I should have shown him all the lists I have of things I want to do and places I want to go. It’d have blown his mind.
  • There was a conversation about how I get paid – which currency, and which bank. This may have been the final piece of information that allowed me into the country, because no one who earns Canadian dollars can afford to start a new life abroad.

Marginally satisfied that I was not planning to stay in the UK forever having illicit affairs with my coworker and/or take anyone’s job, I was allowed in.

I eventually made it to the flat, got all wi-fi’d, UK SIM’d up, and collapsed in a heap. I’m presently listening to 17 clocks and some rain, wondering if I could stomach the tomato juice I didn’t drink on the plane, and wishing that Pret delivered. Today I am going to explore the neighbourhood, get some groceries so I don’t have to have corn nuts at 4am, and settle into my temporary European life. I am a happy Kimli.

plane postin’

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Four hours into this flight and the only thing missing is a diversion to another airport. I’m not really complaining though; someone’s having a medical emergency. People are milling about, there was an announcement inquiring about a medical doctor onboard (I took out my earphones in case someone needs a technical writer), and now there’s turbulence. Add in the two.5 hour delay and a plane switch because of leaky things, and you’ve got yourself an adventure! A long, tiring adventure!

In the grand scheme of things, none of the incidents to date are all that bad. In fact, the biggest annoyance about the whole flight so far is that the media on this jet is different than the last. While they were doing pre-takeoff plane things, I watched the first quarter of Inside Out. The plan was to finish that, then re-watch Pitch Perfect 2, and when I inevitably failed to sleep, give in and watch Mad Max: Maximum Mad. Unfortunately, they discovered the plane had a leak that couldn’t be fixed, so everyone had to disembark and re-wait while they prepped a new, non-leaky plane that also happened to have an outdated media list.

I was somewhat annoyed that I couldn’t finish watching Inside Out (or access an Internet to read a spoiler), but I did get to watch Big Hero 6 and Avengers: Age of James Spader. I had missed seeing them when they were in theatres (I am almost as bad at movies as I am at TV), so I was glad to see them in mighty Seat Back Vision. Still can’t sleep, though. Maybe I’ll watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.

Next up: the border crossing guard who didn’t believe I’m here solely because I like London, allegations of naughty business, and glorious sleep.

0 DAYS LEFT

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IT’S ADVENTURE TIME!

200

I leave in 5 hours. EXCITE!

This’ll be my first trip to the UK wearing pants. After six 9+ hour flights, I finally realized that it’s good to be comfortable on the plane and that generally means not worrying about your various lady parts falling out of whatever ridiculous getup you decided to wear to fly. I’m wearing jeans on the plane, then crumpling them up in the bottom of my bag for the remainder of my trip because I did not pack any shirts. The pants won’t be worn again unless a) I want to be arrested for indecent exposure, b) hypothermia sets in and Mountain Madness takes over, or c) 1996 calls and says “you should totally wear those jeans under a dress, it’ll look great”. My money’s on c).

I tried really hard this time ’round to pack only necessities. I didn’t go overboard when packing clothing, and almost everything I brought can be worn with each other. My one space splurge (not to be confused with a splurge in space, which will likely happen Sunday) was bringing two pairs of boots, because sometimes you want black boots but many other times you want burgundy boots and it’s best to be prepared for both situations.

That being said, I am a creature of ridiculous habits. The following things are in my suitcase that, were I to be honest with myself, could *probably* be left behind:

  • Several of the 9 or so iPhone charging cables I’ve brought
  • Nobody really needs that much lip gloss
  • The push-up bra that takes up half the space in my underpants bag
  • There’s a handful of Lego minifigs in my backpack, because I am an excellent adult
  • Sex wipes. Why are these in my bag? Why didn’t I take them out? I’m not going to America (where they are good at the sex) and have no plans whatsoever to hump anyone on this trip. Still, I better hang onto them. Just in case. You Never Know <tm Mom>.

.. that’s actually about it. I packed very wisely, and have room leftover for whatever I may purchase while gone. I even have room for a cape, but I will not bring it (even though I can think of at least a dozen reasons I might need a cape in London).

This time tomorrow I will be in the future! See you from there!

lucky thirteen

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Thirteen years ago today I got all dressed up in white and my dad walked me around a giant pumpkin and on the other side was my best friend. There were some words, “good game” was said, and then we had a party with people we loved. It was pretty cool.

Hey Ed, I love you and stuff. You are still my best friend – in fact, you get bester every year – and I think you are super rad. I can’t wait to see where the future takes us, and there’s no one I’d rather experience it with.

Not even Optimus Prime (so you KNOW I’m serious).

look how fancy we are

look how fancy we are

Happy anniversary, Ed.

return of the quake cake

return of the quake cake

ready, set

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T minus 3 sleeps until GO.

My excitement and trepidation are nearing unbearable levels. I am mentally and physically ready for a vacation (I forgot my laptop at home two days in a row last week), and although I will desperately miss Ed and the cats (this will be the most time we’ve been apart – I think the longest to date has been 6 days), I’m looking forward to this time of quiet reflection all the goddamn adventure I can cram into 25 days.

I have a big list of things I want to do, but beyond the list I’m looking forward to:

  • ADVENTURE!!
  • Being on my own schedule. If I wanna sleep in, I can. If I wanna spend 3 hours in the V&A garden, I can. If I wanna go to a spooky-ass cemetery and walk amongst the dead, I can (and totally will).
  • No helmet hair for almost a month.  I love my scooter, but goddamn I’ve had some wicked helmet hair recently.
  • Eating all my meals at M&S
  • M&S in general
  • Pretending I’m a wealthy lady of leisure; an International Kimli of Mystery
  • Angry shoulder dancing
  • Asking for a large Diet Coke and getting a North American medium
  • Finding out the deal with Stonehenge
  • Pret.
  • Sharing my adventures both here and on Instagram #shamelessplug #unitedkimdom

Just .. all of it, really. I’m even looking forward to the 9+ hour flight, which is a sure sign of ocean madness (aka “Aqua Dementia”, the deep down crazies, the wet willies, the Great Moist). I’m hoping this trip will kickstart my heart my desire to write again, but even if it doesn’t, I won’t be beating myself up over it. No agenda. Just good times.

I am grateful for this extremely lazy caturday, but I can’t help but wish Sony picked any other time to do maintenance on their servers – I have to get enough underpants video game time to last me for a whole month.

LET'S DO THIS

LET’S DO THIS