Category Archives: everyday kimli

i have a coke problem

Posted in everyday kimli by

I am difficult to understand:

Kimli: can I get a 2 hamburger combo to go please?
McMary: ok you want Coke with that
Kimli: diet coke please – actually, no, could I just have a big cup full of ice instead?
McMary: ok coke with lots of ice
Kimli: no, no coke – just a cup, with ice in it
McMary: but what you want in ice
Kimli: nothing, just the ice
McMary: so you don’t want combo?
Kimli: I guess not; I don’t need the drink – but can I have a cup with ice in it?
McMary: but combo is cheaper, you want coke to drink?
Kimli: can I have a combo but instead of a drink, just get ice?
McMary: what you want with ice? Coke?
Kimli: *tears*
McManager: here, just take a bottle of water and I’ll give you a big cup of ice
Kimli: THANK YOU
McMary: *calling to drink person* I need a coke please
Kimli: *runs away*

back scratch fever

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Ed’s birthday is tomorrow, but more importantly, my birthday is in 20 days. While I have vaguely hinted at some things I might like to be showered with (pugs, nerd toys, ostentatious jewellery, adoration, sticky love juices), what I *really* want is rather simple: backscratchers. Lots and lots of backscratchers. Do they make collapsible or portable ones? I need ‘em. I am itchy, and I can’t take it much more.

Since the accident that landed me in the hospital (as opposed to my other accidents which usually don’t require a ride in an ambulance), I have reduced mobility in my right arm. It doesn’t hurt anymore (except when I stretch really hard), but I can’t bend in certain ways – for example, I can’t scratch my back anymore. Naturally, my back itchiness has increased a thousand fold – I am pretty much constantly itchy up in my spinal bidness. We have a backscratcher at home, but I can never find it when I need it. At work I have disposable chopsticks on my desk that I use for the sole purpose of back scratching, because it’s either that or ask creepy people to touch me. Obviously I do not want that, so I make do with whatever I can – chopsticks, pens, the wall, particularly pointy-looking people I see on the street – nothing really helps except a good hard pounding with a real backscratcher.

I have no idea where we got the one we have, though. Where do you get backscratchers? I don’t recall ever seeing and thinking “hmm, I could really use a backscratcher; perhaps I shall buy this one” and you generally don’t see people saying “GODDAMN I NEED A BACKSCRATCHER RIGHT NOW” (except for in this post) – so where do they come from? I’m itchy.

For Ed’s birthday tomorrow, we’re gathering the North Shore Hipster Squad plus some Special Guests and going to the Memphis Blues BBQ House. Everyone is very excited at the idea of lots and lots of MEAT, but I am a little apprehensive because dang – that is a lot of meat. I’ve been perusing the menu in preparation, and am overwhelmed by the sheer meatiness of it all. I had to look some things up, because I am just not that familiar with all the edible parts an animal has – but luckily, Wikipedia has once again stepped up to the plate:

I think I’ll have a salad for lunch.

helping you help me

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Please wait while we find an agent to assist you…
You have been connected to Crystal Winter.

Crystal Winter: Welcome to TransGlobe Chat, how may I help you today?
Kimli: Hi Crystal
Kimli: I have a question about your no pet policy
Kimli: specifically, why is there a no pet policy?
Crystal Winter: What city are you in?
Kimli: Victoria BC
Crystal Winter: Because of the damages and noise our company policy
Kimli: Cats do not cause damage
Kimli: I am trying to find an apartment for my mother, a 63 year old widow
Crystal Winter: Its a provincial law for BC
Kimli: Her only companion is a cat
Crystal Winter: we don’t allow any pets
Kimli: Um .. there is no law in BC that says you are not allowed to have pets
Crystal Winter: its our company policy in the BC area
Kimli: Do you allow people to pay pet deposits?
Crystal Winter: No unfortunatley we don’t
Kimli: Transglobe has taken over the majority of the apartment buildings in Central Victoria, including ones I used to live in that did allow pets
Kimli: Your policies are really unreasonable in this day and age, especially given that 20% of the residents of Victoria are senior citizens
Kimli: My mother would be willing and able to pay a pet deposit, yet she can’t find anyone to rent to her because she has one spayed indoor silent cat
Crystal Winter: Unfortunatley we don’t allow pets and we don’t take deposits for pets in British Columbia however we do allow pets in other provinces we have to follow provincial guidlines for BC
Kimli: What provincial guideline are you following?
Crystal Winter: THese our the procedures we have to follow if you require further information on this matter please call 250-383-0039
Kimli:So you are unable to tell me which provincial guideline you follow that states you are not allowed to rent to tenants with pets?
Crystal Winter: We don’t have that information in our call center you will need to contact your regional office and they can provide you with further information
Kimli:I see .. thank you for your time

—

I need help. My mother, who is utterly insane, is threatening to buy a $300K+ condo because she can’t find an apartment to rent. Fine, that’s her prerogative – except she’s been looking for TWO DAYS. My mom, instead of being somewhat reasonable about this, would rather lock herself into a massive mortgage at untold amounts of money per month, all because she can’t find a suitable apartment in the TWO FRIGGIN’ DAYS she’s been looking.

I need to find my mother an apartment in Victoria BC for July 1st. She’s looking for a 2-bedroom place – one, if it’s large enough – that is within the city limits, and allows her to keep her cat. Her limit for rent is about $900/m, and she’s willing to pay a pet deposit if she has to. She doesn’t smoke, throw loud parties, or annoy other people as much as she does me, but that’s because she’s my mom and not yours.

If you know of anything that might be suitable or any place I can look online that isn’t Craigslist, since I have that covered, please please please let me know.

Also, to all the large building management companies – TransGlobe, Devon Properties, Boardwalk, all the rest – that have outdated, rigid, and utterly unfair policies against pets in rental buildings – wake the fuck up.

back in the present

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I don’t *like* not having internet access.

Ed and I spent the weekend in Victoria, helping my mom do stuff. We both took Friday off, and headed over on an 11am ferry to spend the weekend running errands and building boxes for my mom. We are crazy party animals! I did bring my Mac Book with me, but contrary to what my mom thinks, the internet does not simply work because you have a computer. No one else in that neighbourhood seems to use the internet at all, or at the very least isn’t up on wireless technology because I wasn’t even able to steal a signal – NOTHING. Did you miss me? Yeah, I’m sure.

So, um. I have more to say – since when do I not – but it is going to have to wait because I would like to be elsewhere. I guess I didn’t miss the internet that much after all!

Okay, that’s a lie.

baby gooses

Posted in everyday kimli, vroom vroom by

Is it bad to hope your job drastically improves to retain your sense of the happy solely because there’s a really, really good organic grocery store right behind the office? I’m eating a low-fat lemon ginger scone from Capers, and it is the best thing I’ve eaten in forever. It is so good that I have MSN’d one person and emailed another, solely to tell them about my awesome scone. I have one bite left and I am sad that it is almost gone. I may go back and buy 17 more.

I usually don’t take lunch breaks because I’m too busy and/or everyone else leaves for lunch and I wackily feel that leaving the office and phones completely deserted is a bad idea. Lately though, I’ve been taking Sally out and going for a ride when everyone else has returned – part fresh air, part food run, part sanity-returner. Yesterday I ended up in Stanley Park, and stopped to walk along a path because I saw a swan. By the time I parked and made my way down to the water, the swan was gone – but I saw geese! I love geese. I took some pictures, then walked a little further. I saw two more geese, and what looked like a rock in between them. The rock was fuzzy, so I looked closer – and it was a baby goose! A little tiny fuzzy gosling! I stopped in awe and took some pictures, and then looked to the right – there were two ducks napping, and between them – an entire puddle of baby ducks! Check out my Flickr page, but oh my god the cute was overwhelming. I took a bunch of pictures, then harassed some old people because I was so excited to see the baby animals that I had to share it with someone so I stopped an old lady and then an old tourist couple with binoculars. This, my friends, is why I’ll never leave Vancouver – there’s just something magical about being able to get lost in the forest in the middle of the city, or climb a mountain and swim in the ocean in the same day, or harass old people because there are baby ducks and not have them think you’re mugging them.

I’m doing the Scooter Dance again; that special time in a woman’s life where she has to park her scooter in ever-increasingly bizarre places in a somewhat futile attempt to avoid having to pay $10 a day for parking something that doesn’t take up more room than a bicycle. I tried street parking on Monday, and promptly got a parking ticket. Ed drove me on Tuesday, but yesterday I tried parking behind our building. The maintenance people kicked me out, saying that they back large trucks up in the parking lot and Sally will get crushed. That will never do – so today, I drove into the parking lot and through the human walkway to get to the bike racks, and locked Sally up there. I’m completely out of the way and I’ve never seen a bicycle parked there – but we’ll see. People are ridiculously hateful to scooters, it seems. Frankly, they’re just jealous.

Today is my Friday!

stuff my mother didn’t teach me

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

I bought a sewing machine.

It’s the most basic of all models I could find that wasn’t a child’s machine; a Brother LS1520 – refurbished, for extra savings. I didn’t want to spend a lot of money given that I am not entirely sure what I am doing, so I did some research and ended up with this one.

Now what?

I don’t know how to sew. I was given an exception from Home Ec in high school so I could take extra woodworking – all fine and good, except I am not trying to lathe myself up a stick. I want to sew a skirt together. I don’t envision that one day I’ll be able to whip up ball gowns and pant suits with ease; all I want to do is .. sew a skirt together, and maybe make some incredibly basic items and hem some pants. I cut up my favourite pair of jeans last week with the idea to make a skirt of them, because they’re a little too holey to be decent. I could just keep it all together with some safety pins and the iron-on cheater hem I put in there, but .. well, I’d like to learn how to sew. So I bought a sewing machine. This will either be really funny, or really traumatic.

So, internet – how do you sew?

This is either the funniest or the saddest product mash-up I’ve ever seen. Luckily, he looks just smashing on my Prime Shelf.

All puns are totally intended.

i iz asking for caption

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I need a favour!

Everyone knows those silly cat pictures with the somewhat illiterate captions – here’s a site full of them, and here’s another, in case you’ve been living under a rock. Anyway, I have a silly picture of Sasha that is in need if its own somewhat illiterate caption. Thing is, I can’t think of one. Can you? Please help! Maybe I will think of a prize and the winner will get something utterly fabulous!

Here is the picture:

Caption away!