I do not know enough about snails.

The front yard of our apartment building is quite nice, being fully landscaped and flowered and stuff. It’s really very pretty except for when the drunken idiots throw their garbage and empties all over the yard. Because there’s a lot of plant life, there are a lot of bugs. Some of these bugs are snails, complete with fancy shells and slimy trails of snail ooze. I am utterly fascinated by them, going so far as to name my favourite and check up on him every time I am outside.

The thing is, it’s almost impossible to tell a dead snail from a live one. I was very worried for a while, because Dave II hadn’t moved in days. I picked him up once and poked the fleshy parts very carefully with a leaf, and he flinched – so I put him back on the wall where no one would step on him. For 5 days, he didn’t move from his new spot so I was worried that he was dead. Finally I picked him up again, and look! Squishy and wet! Dave II is still alive, and I did a little dance.

Yesterday when I checked on him, he STILL hadn’t moved – but he had reglued himself to the wall, so I knew he was probably still okay and not as excited to see me as I was to see him. Today, he was not where I left him and I was worried – but then! I found him! He had crawled down the other side of the wall, undoubtedly to get away from me! I am just happy that Dave II is alive and has not yet been eaten or stomped on.

I am showing near superhuman restraint at the Space Office – everything has to be packed by the end of the day tomorrow, and do not have any boxes. Wheeeeeee! Also, there are new tools being launched tonight that need some heavy duty testing tomorrow. Hahah! It’s not my problem though, right? They said so!

Oh god.

Random:

• I almost hit a priest with my scooter when coming from the post office – bless me father, for I wasn’t watching the road
• I want to work at the post office! They let employees park their scooters right on the sidewalk next to the building!
• The Cambie Street Bridge and False Creek area smell like a) rotting garbage and b) burnt coffee – it is not yummy
• My shirt is made of 100% non-organic itchy fibres and it is driving me crazy
• I want a pug
• Someone found my website by searching for “girls shaving their ssx organ”, which obviously means I’ve gone around for the last hour singing:

It’s tricky to shave your twat
To shave your twat I tell you what
It’s tricky! It’s tricky!

It’s tricky to trim your snatch
To trim your snatch yet leave a patch
It’s tricky! It’s tricky!

It’s tricky to Nair your hair
To Nair your hair all off down there
It’s tricky! It’s tricky!

.. times about 400, since there are a lot of different euphemisms for my lady organ.

Oh, strange lady in the 7-11! All I want is ice, Diet Coke and my Chupa-Chup (with surprise!) – why are you telling me the following things:

• You hate not being allowed to smoke wherever you want
• You’re not hurting anyone
• Instead of punishing you, why don’t they go after the 15-year-old girl who taught you to smoke when you were 12
• She was really cool and you wanted to be just like her
• Britney Spears just wanted someone to inseminate her and give her babies, so now she’s done with K-Fed and they’re both better off
• Britney was a government experiment made in a lab somewhere, because her sister looks exactly like her
• You forgot to get gum

I am so glad I was in line ahead of her and therefore able to escape to the safety of the space station before she told me more things I did not want to know.

My surprise, by the way, is a humping turtle pencil topper. It is bizarre, and really actually fits in with the entire trip to 7-11.

Last night we scared a wee Japanese waitress. I would feel bad, except it was hilarious and we (the North Shore Hipster Squad plus special guest stars Miranda and Reilly) made a lot of people question our sanity. We went for dinner at the yummy Asian restaurant at the Quay – I can never remember the name, but it’s the place we went to with Bobbie and her crew – and as we were digesting and swapping stories of our misguided youth, a thunderstorm rolled in. Well, everyone at the table spent a goodly amount of time in Alberta before relocating to BC, and the one thing we can universally agree upon missing is the frequent stormy weather. The six of us let out a whoop of joy and RAN to the register to pay so we could go play in the rain. We didn’t even bother trying to figure out who ate what, we just split it in three and ran outside. The thunder and lightning didn’t last very long, but the torrential downpour soaked five of us to the skin – Ed, being less hip than the rest of us, opted to stay under the awning and watch the fun. He’s no stranger to my rain dancing; many times I’ve gone outside to get utterly soaked and then he complains that I get the car seats all wet. Hey, some people enjoy sticks up their bums; others enjoy running around in a monsoon and having to wring out their underwear when it’s all over. GOOD TIMES!

Today is Thursday, and about the time when I start figuring out what I’m doing this weekend. It’s supposed to be nice again, so a bike ride is definitely in order – but other than that, I’m open. We spent a lot of last night trying to plan Fun Things around everyone’s busy schedules – the birthday season is starting, and there are a lot of things on Operation: Fun that have yet to be done. I wanted to drag people out to Castle Fun Park again for my birthday, but we may need to reschedule because M&R won’t be in town that weekend – booooo. The Richmond Night Market starts up again on May 18th, there are parks and museums to visit, and before you know it it’ll be Road Trip season and then the Big Anniversary. So, there are things to look forward to. This pleases me.

Also, I am inordinately excited about this. Portable internet thrills me to no end.

9/10: Getting an unexpectedly easy complete refund via Paypal for the unpleasantness that occurred last month

2/10: Shaving an insect bite

4/10: Not having anything interesting to say, thereby putting my remaining readers into a coma

8/10: Delicious Diet Coke!

 9/10: Today’s excellent offering from XKCD – I want this in a poster

I yoink’d this from Donna – it’s some sort of movie promo quiz thing that tells you what kind of animal spirit you have. I put it on a different site because I didn’t want any moving pictures on my site – they might steal my soul – but take a look and rate me because I want to be an awesome animal. Seriously, if I turn out to be a hamster or something, I’m going to be pissed.

Rate Kimli’s Inner Spirit Animal Thingie!

Remember: I am awesome; not hamster-like at all.

Ed gets triple Canadiana points today. This morning we were discussing the small infant who lives below us who, for the last week has been screaming at the top of her small infant lungs each night at 11pm like clockwork (please note: we are not complaining about the small infant, we are simply discussing her as though she were an interesting plate of radishes). We figure the small infant might be teething, as she is around the right age for teeth to start appearing. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Small infant sure screams a lot.
Ed: Yeah, I think she’s teething.
Me: You mean it’s teething time?
Ed: *breaks into a passable imitation of Leonard Cohen* yes, it’s teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethin’ tiiiime

I was audibly impressed that he did not go for the obvious and easy “Hammer Time” riff, instead busting out some excellent Leonard. Ed definitely wins this round – he even managed to get in a Tragically Hip reference in the car with regards to a Pho restaurant on the North Shore (for the record, it is sinking and Ed does not want to swim). I would doff my hat in his general direction, but I slept through shower time and therefore am using the hat to hide my unkempt mom hair.

I am so tired.

I posted some new pictures over at ye olde Flickr – here are my favourites:

Also, do you ever wonder what it is I see when I find down?

This was taken – somehow – AS I was falling. Isn’t it mysterious? Don’t you totally wish you were me?