I’ve been dodging aggressive kombucha vendors and eating handfuls of kale that fell from the sky since my train got in at 3pm, but it took me a full 6 hours to find a place to buy Diet Coke (which I did, in vast quantities). I passed 14 breweries, nine coffee shops, three boutique ice cream parlours, 5 bike shops, and one full-service sex store (bookmarked for later), but not a single one could help me fill my body with chemicals.

Welcome to Portland!

I’m here for a technical writing conference, and I am super excited. I’ve been trying to attend Write the Docs since its inception, but this is the first time I’ve managed to pull it off (thanks, boss!). There was a reception tonight where I awkwardly collected my conference badge, awkwardly collected some stickers, and awkwardly stood around being awkward for a while before I bailed to begin the Great Hunt (and also eat something that wasn’t friggin’ kale). The official start is tomorrow. I will be surrounded by people who are all about documentation. I’M HOME!

Before coming to Portland, Ed and I spent Saturday night in Seattle at the wedding reception of two of our friends. It was great to get all fancy and celebrate with awesome people – I am sorely lacking in excuses to get fancy, so I was pretty thrilled to doll up as the fanciest space hooker there ever was. The venue was a whiskey distillery in Woodinville, and there were open firepits and lemon curd everywhere. It was bliss.

While the Portland hotel isn’t hosting MamaCon like our Seattle hotel was, it’s still really nice. My room is a full-on suite with a kitchen and the most adorable Mad Men-esque stove I’ve ever seen, a separate bedroom with a king sized bed and almost enough pillows (there are 8), and a bathroom for unspeakable deeds. I’m both a block or so away from the venue and Powell’s Books, so I have plenty to do in the few free hours I have on Tuesday night. I’m also within skipping distance of the Dr. Martens and Fluevog stores, so .. sorry in advance, Ed. Portland has no tax, remember? That means everything is practically FREE.

Shit’s good, y’all.

poor skeletor.