199 days

.. that’s how long I made it without wearing pants to work. I started this job on July 7th of last year, and until today, had not once worn pants to the office. Today, I broke that streak with some shameful (but really cute) jeans I bought last weekend. I can see my lack of thigh-gap, and I am flummoxed.

No real updates on the lung front, other than my growing suspicion that I have tuberculosis. Going to a walk-in clinic was a waste of time, the sleep test was a waste of time, and everything is a giant fucking hassle. In the meantime, I still can’t sleep when I’m all rattly, and I’m coughing up jellyfish.

Pants, though. That’s the real news.

oh kolkata

Well, now I need to go to Calcutta Kolkata:

kimli-chinese-thai-restaurant

Apparently I’m a Chinese-Thai restaurant of questionable quality. From a write-up in a local paper:

The Kimli special, however, is Chimney Soup — a clear soup with mushroom, chicken, prawn, fish and crab along with glass (silky) noodles.

“Chimney Soup is one of the fast movers. Many also like our Thai Soup, which is a bit spicy and thick,” says restaurant manager Bidyut Denra.

Spicy and thick, JUST LIKE ME.

Seriously, do I know anyone who knows anyone anywhere near Kolkata? I want many pictures of this sign. I may make it my life mission to get to this sign and stand under it with a smug sense of self-satisfaction. Bucket list! This is a bucket list thing!

Where do I catch the bus to Kolkata?

is this a review, or personal advice?

is this a review, or personal advice?

goddamn lung babies

Running theories of what could be wrong with my lungs, WebMD edition:

  • Bronchitis
  • Pneumonia
  • Paroxysmal Nocturnal Dyspnea
  • Paranoid Narcissistic Dystopia (coincidentally also the theme of the next 7 Assassin’s Creed games)
  • Pulmonary Edema
  • Catastrophic Heart Failure
  • Pulmonary Thromboendarterectomy (not really, I’m just amazed at the number of letters in that)
  • Bilateral Basal Crackles (delicious with pepper jack cheese)
  • Bronchiectasis
  • Night Asthma (not to be confused with Night Moves)
  • Nocturnal Emissions
  • Lupis
  • Lung Babies

I’m still alive .. BUT FOR HOW LONG?!

the canadian thing

It’s 3:45 in the morning, and I’m trying to figure out a) if I need to go to the hospital, and b) how to get there without disturbing anyone. I don’t want to wake up Ed, because he’s sleeping. I don’t want to call 911, because then someone would have to deal with me and I don’t want to make work or cause any trouble. I could take myself, but then I’d be stranding Ed who would eventually learn where I am and possibly want to get to me. What to do?

I can’t sleep because my lungs keep filling with fluid. I Googled furiously to see if I should go to the hospital or not, but all that did was convince me that I am experiencing heart failure which makes me panic and then my breathing sucks even more. All things point to getting immediate care, but I don’t want to bother anyone. That seems so rude and unnecessary.

Truthishly, I’m scared out of my fucking mind and trying to distract myself. I’m still rattling, but it seems to be easing up a little .. but I know as soon as I try to lie down, it’ll be back with a loud annoying vengeance. I’ve tried talking to doctors about this, but nothing has come of it – the rattling only happens at night, so I can’t demonstrate how bad it is during a daytime appointment. Last time it was near this bad I actually recorded myself wheezing and attached it to my Medeo appointment request, but the doctor couldn’t open the file. That’s part of why I want to go to the ER, so I can SHOW SOMEONE how bad the wheezing is – it sounds like I’m pouring a goddamn glass of 7-Up when I open my mouth. That is not normal.

My body figuratively started to fall apart on me about 15 hours after I turned 40. Is this what getting old is like? I haven’t felt truly 100% since June 17th, back in my carefree 30s. These days, I’m all about a complete inability to sleep, not being able to breathe properly, and itching. I don’t really like those things. I think I need a new hobby.

Going to go try to bed again. If I start wheezing immediately, I’ll ignore my Canadian sensibilities and call for help (but I will feel guilty as fuck for doing it).

It’s so funny. I always thought I’d die trapped in a burning building because I was too busy live-Tweeting the fire to evacuate, not by drowning in my sleep.

classic kimli

That thing where you don’t eat all day then when you finally get a chance you inhale something so quickly your body rejects it like a baboon heart and you literally vomit into the remnants of the LAST time you did this, all in the parking lot of a pet food store.

I am not having a good day.

bagged

We’re getting rid of our old futon, and I’m trying to find a suitable replacement sitting platform to go in my lady cave. Ed and I have been discussing various sitting options for a while, and today he reminded me about bean bag chairs and how I totally love bean bag chairs. Right! A bean bag chair would be awesome in my lady cave, would allow for a lot of dramatic flopping (accompanied by heaving sighs), and could be used as a bed in a pinch. With visions of squishy sacs in my head, I went a-Googling.

If money was no object, I would totally love to get a Love Sac. I’ve sat/slept/cuddled on them before, and they’re great – but also really expensive. Like, for the price of the setup I want, I could get a $1300 hooker bot (or 1300 $1 hooker bots). That seems like an ill-advised way to spend a lot of money, so I moved down the list of luxury.

Next up were Sumo Bean Bags. These are a great deal cheaper, and while they don’t come in fluffy faux-fur form, they’ve got a bunch of solid colours to choose from. The Sumo was pretty high on my list, until I spent some time on their website:

sorry, our bean bags only work if you are eagle spread

sorry, our bean bags only work if you are eagle spread

Picture after picture of girls hunched over, showing boob, sitting with their legs open, and being all sultry. Why. Why is this necessary. Compare that with every other beanbag site – even other sites that are marketing specifically towards gamers – and you see regular people bean bagging without trying to make you think of vagina. No thanks, Sumo. I’ll take my money elsewhere.

The last two brands that made my list are FatBoy and CordaRoy. I’ve use FatBoy chairs before (I have a great deal more bean bag experience than I realized), and a friend just got a CordaRoy bag she swears by. Both are reasonably priced (when compared to LoveSac, anything that doesn’t require a second mortgage is now considered reasonable), but I’m torn:

  • CR bags are also a bed – they unzip into a sleeping pad. I like sleeping, so this appeals to me
  • FB bags come in pretty patterns! I like pretty things, so this appeals to me
  • FB doesn’t ship to Canada (annoying but not a deal breaker, I have resources), but CR does
  • CR would be more useful (see: bed), but is twice the price of the FB I want

So, I don’t know. This time yesterday I was sold on a love seat, and now I’m looking at tits and bean bags and I’m all turned around. I think I’ll go pick up my mail and think this through.

Are there any other bean baggery options I have not considered? Share! Bonus points if the website isn’t dripping in cheesy sex poses!

 

so on trend

I hate it when I’m accidentally trendy.

I’ve been planning a solo trip (you’ll never guess where) since last year, and apparently, solo travel is a hot new feminist trend. Well, that’s annoying. I’ll be the first to admit I’m a proud card-carrying feminist, but trendy? Eww, no. And why now? I would have thought that everyone did all their Eat, Pray, Love-ing between 2006 and 2010, when dropping everything to find yourself was all the rage. A new movie along the exact same lines just came out (Wild, which is not to be confused with The Wild [talking animals in New York], or Into the Wild [man vs wilderness, potato wins], or Into the Woods [every actor ever, in a fairy tale]), but didn’t seem to make that big a splash – definitely not enough to start a whole trend, anyway.

My motives for taking a solo trip won’t make for a good Hollywood movie on account of my not being a rich white woman trying to find herself after a bitter divorce, but I think they’re still good reasons full of logic and only-child justifications:

  • Ed has no interest in going to London again
  • I’ve been to London with friends, with Ed, and with friends AND Ed – never by myself
  • Every time I’ve gone, there are things I want to do that are dropped from the itinerary for the sake of time or peace-keeping
  • I’ve never travelled by myself before
  • I’m a rich white woman trying to find herself after a bitter divorce
  • Why the hell not?
  • Adventure!

See, all good reasons (and almost entirely factual). I don’t know when the trip will happen (outside of “sometime this year”) or how long it’ll be, but I’m already excited about it. An unknown number of days alone with my camera and the voices inside my head! Oh, the online content that’ll come out of that. I will be amusing to myself for days!

I haven’t been neglecting the Q&A book, but none of the questions were enough to warrant a post in the middle of the week. What you missed:

  • Last restaurant you went to: Five Guys. Delicious!
  • You are lucky. Why or why not?: I’m most definitely lucky, and grateful for all that I have. I have the freedom to work, live, and love how I choose. I have the means to plan exotic adventures, and a partner who mostly understands (or claims to understand) what makes me tick. I have a very comfortable lifestyle, adorable cats, and 18 bottles of Diet Coke in the car. I am a lucky Kimli. I should remind myself of that daily.
  • What song is stuck in your head?: Um, none. Sometimes I get Taylor Swift’s Blank Space stuck in my head, but that’s because I’m only human.
  • Was today typical? Why or why not?: It was a typical Saturday – we slept in, then ran errands in the afternoon, then spent the evening in front of various screens. The only truly non-typical aspect to it was Ed tuning into the footballs, to see if the Seahawks would make it to the football-equivalent of the Stanley Cup finals. They did! So, that was odd (the football, not the winning).
  • Today was tough because _____: .. I didn’t get any mail. Seriously, that’s it. Oh, and Ed pulled a muscle in his neck and has limited mobility, so most of today was kind of like hanging out with a Ken doll. Also, I’m still itchy as all hell from the penicillin reaction and I’m none to pleased about it. Today was tough, okay.
  • The best part of today?: (all these questions originally had dates, but I can’t remember what I did an hour ago let alone Monday so you’re getting responses for today only) Hanging out with Ed all afternoon was pretty fun, muscle pulling and all. We had delicious burgers and tested out mattresses (not like that) and debated love seat placement and wrote a Canadian Heritage Moment about Johan Yield, inventor of the Yield Sign. Laughs were had! Later, I had a selfie epiphany. Not at all bad for a regular old trendy Saturday in January.

none today, either.

 

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