delicious juice dot com

I hate you. We’re through.

Fuck you.

Last night (okay, early this morning) I finished the main story of The World Ends With You, and I have this to say:

Square Enix, I forgive you for Final Fantasy X.

The game is fucking amazing. It has everything you could want in an RPG, and just when you think you’ve got it figured out the game throws more stuff at you and it’s a giant, beautiful mess of intricacy and fun.

I suppose my forgiving SE is a little trite yet overdue – three of my top ten DS games were Square Enix titles, and it HAS been a very long time since I suffered through the horror of Final Fantasy X. Hell, I even played through Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates, and while it wasn’t my *favourite* game out of the last 75 or so I’d played, it certainly wasn’t terrible. The World Ends With You more than makes up for any angst I had towards SE. I fucking *love* this game, and I’ve played enough DS titles to know what I like.

In fact, in no particular order, here is a list of DS titles that are my favouritest:

title – publisher – genre

• The World Ends With You – Square Enix – JRPG
• Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords – D3 – Bejeweled with zombies
• Chibi-Robo: Park Patrol – Nintendo – Action Squirter
• New Super Mario Bros. – Nintendo – Platformer
• Dragon Quest Heroes: Rocket Slime – Square Enix – RPG
• Professor Layton and the Curious Village – Nintendo – Puzzle Adventure
• Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney – Capcom – Courtroom Adventure
• Space Invaders Extreme – Square Enix – Pew pew pew *
• The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass – Nintendo – Adventure
• Freshly-Picked Tingle’s Rosy Rupeeland – Nintendo – Adventure **

*: imported from Japan; North American release is June 17th 2008 and you really ought to do yourself a favour and import a paddle
**: not available in North America; was only released in Japan and Europe which is unfortunate because it’s a hoot

Good times.

Other items to note:

• Today is Shan’s birthday. Happy birthday, Shan! You are keen!
• We leave for Edmonton in two days. Yesterday I packed clothing and shoes. Today I will pack toiletries and electronics. I have a separate duffle bag for device chargers alone, and I see no problem with this.
• I am boycotting my vagina.

Hooray!

Watch your fire! You don’t want to have any fire; make sure you don’t put things over your fire!

You can’t do contract work forever - you’re not getting any younger, you know.

There are so many gang killings in Vancouver! Stay away from gangs, Keem - you’re not in a gang, are you?

You’re driving to Edmonton? Go slow! It doesn’t matter if it takes you 4 days to get there, just tell them you drove slow to be safe! (note: Vancouver to Edmonton is a 12-hour drive)

My back is really bad these days but I won’t go to the chiropractor because the old biddy (the receptionist) there is a stupid bitch. Maybe I will go back there and see the doctor and tell him that the old biddy is a stupid bitch.

Oh, the endless source of confusion and amusement. Happy mother’s day, mom. I’ll pee in a bucket tonight and think of you.

Wait, that’s gross.

Oh well.

My Mental Health Friday turned into a balls-out migrainalicious hell date from Fuck City - I spent most of it trying desperately not to throw up because that would make my head even worse. It was not a good time. As a result of the migraine, I missed out on the NoFX show that night - Darren went in my place and had a great time, but I *really* wanted to go to that show. I am a sad monkey. I would like a do over for my weekend, please.

I always thought “mental health day” was just a clever way of saying “I don’t wanna go to work today”, but here I am taking an honest-to-Stan mental health day because my mentals are just plain not healthy.

Last night, Josh, Shan, Ed and I went to the Vancouver General Hospital to visit Miranda, who is broken in several places. I was excited to see her, but the moment I stepped out of the elevator and onto her floor, I was hit with a massive, horrible case of the wiggins. I was completely freaking out, and spent the majority of our visit hunched on the corner of Miranda’s bed, tense and wide-eyed, saying maybe 4 words in total.

It was the first time I had been in a hospital since my dad died.

I don’t count that time I was in the ER because of my disco shoulder – that “visit” was a haze of floppy arms, missing socks, and pain. No, this trip to see Miranda – which eerily mimicked a lot of the details of the last time I saw my dad, minus the death (thankfully) – was my first trip to a hospital ward since 2005. Luckily (and in my case, surprisingly), we are all fairly resilient people, and as such we never go to hospitals (except for Josh, who works in one). Since all our friends are healthy and we are not such noble citizens that we spend our spare time visiting the ill or elderly, we just don’t have a need to hang out in hospitals – until last night.

I feel really badly for reacting the way I did – I wanted to see Miranda and cheer her up (not that she needed it; she was very cheerful!), not have a complete mental breakdown. I owe Shan a beer or three – she kept up a steady stream of chatter, so it wasn’t immediately obvious that I was trapped in my own private Idaho of painful memories and gay male bonding. It wasn’t until Ed maneuvered Miranda’s wheelchair (everyone was going for a ride) over to my side of the bed and saw my face that he realized something was seriously wrong. I think people assumed I just plain didn’t like hospitals, until I found my voice again and managed to squeak out what was wrong. I have nothing against hospitals – it’s the only place I know where you can wear those awesome gowns – but last night was just horrible.

I’m sorry, Miranda – unbeknownst to me until last night, I am a terrible hospital visitor. I will visit you when you are at home, and I promise I will not have any sad flashbacks!

Are these inappropriate to wear to a wedding?

I haven’t been to very many weddings. Including mine, I think I’ve been to .. 4. One when I was 7 (I was the most petulant flower girl ever), then one before and one after my wedding. That’s it. Most of my friends are either perpetually single, happily unmarried, or were married before I came into the picture. Since I don’t exactly have a firm grasp on this “etiquette” thing, I thought I’d pose the question to the internet at large: purple chucks for a formal occasion. Yay or nay?

It’s not really all THAT formal – in fact, unless someone comes screaming back at me saying that I’m the devil for considering anything less than 4” stiletto heels, I’ll probably stick to my chucks. I’m actually more concerned I’m going to clash terribly – I’ve been told the wedding colours are “sea foam green, pale pink and pale yellow”. I’m planning on wearing my pink/purple/white floofy dress with a short denim jacket, the above mentioned purple chucks, and a purple scarf (for those of you who went to Miranda’s birthday, it’s that outfit). I will not fit in. I mean, I never fit in anyway – I sort of stand out like a round, brightly coloured thumb – but, you know, I could at least *try*.

I am nervous about this whole thing. My nerves are manifesting themselves as concern over my shoes, but really I know why I’m being so neurotic about it all: we’re going to a family function, and family functions freak me right the fuck out.

I don’t know how to act in these situations. I’m fiercely aware of being the outsider even though no one ever does anything to make me feel like that – everyone is really nice, it’s just my own brain that keeps pointing out “hey, you’re different!” like it’s bad or something (for the record, I love different). I think if I had to narrow down my anxiety, it would be the small talk – Ed and I go long stretches of time without seeing these people, and when we do, they want to *talk* to us. I don’t talk well. I have a very hard time making conversation with people I don’t know well, family or not. All I want to do is hide in a corner, but since it’s a wedding and Ed’s in it, I should probably be social and I don’t *do* social and people will talk to me and I will feel weird and then there’ll be hugging and AHHHHH.

Hopefully there will be a large plant I can hide behind.

Contrary to popular belief, it is not at all enjoyable to wake up to a 22lb cat using your girl junk as a landing pad after his soaring flight through time and space. It’s a damn good thing I’m not a guy – had there been balls instead of just tender pubic bone, I probably wouldn’t be walking right now.

I am unusually tired. You can tell by my jaunty hat – to the untrained eye it appears as though I am making a bold fashion statement, but to those in the know, the sequined beanie hides a multitude of unwashed sins. I can (and did) spackle the foundation on in layers, but nothing short of a hockey mask would hide the enormous bags beneath my eyes. Caffeine is usually a treat, but today, it’s a fucking crutch.

The other day I formatted a couple of old USB drives I had lying around to give to others. One of them, I discovered, had been used extensively by Ed – I found multiple folders filled with pornographies. Busted! Unfortunately, in my hurry to lord my discovery over Ed and laugh at his preference for Suicide Girls with small breasts (sending me into a spiral of self-loathing and fear that he hates me because I don’t look like they do, but that’s an issue for another update), I copied the files to my computer. My work computer. Now, if anyone should check, they will find approximately 300 pictures of naked women on my hard drive in a folder named “Kimli”. Clearly, I am very smart and good at crime.

Man, am I tired.

Dear Enterprising Nerds:

Please create and sell small buttons based on the pins within The World Ends With You/What a Wonderful World, because I would totally buy some and wear them and then try to read your mind and/or fight you on the street.

Thank you.

Oh wait – I found some. Awesome! Now I will be even cooler than before!

I do not like processed cheese. I used to, when I was small and had terrible taste in food (I used to take all the toppings off pizza so it was just crust with sauce leavens, then put ketchup on it and go to town) but now that I am older and far more sophisticated, I can’t do it. I don’t eat cheeseburgers, either. I am That Person who holds up the line, waiting for my special order that does not have cheese or lettuce on it.

I thought about cheese for a good long while (it was a slow news day), and I came to realize that the only time I ever, ever eat processed cheese is when I get a McDonald’s breakfast burrito. It never occurred to me to order it without cheese; I just piled on the salsa and tried not take any obviously cheesy bites. Now that I’m completely aware of the cheese, though, I am having trouble with it. It’s just so .. prevalent. No amount of salsa can mask the nasty fake cheese taste. Gross.

My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t so picky about weird, weird things. Also, if I ate sandwiches.

I just found out that I have to scoot into Richmond today to get on my hands and knees in a filthy warehouse. Naturally, today is the day I decided to go against my gothy nature and wear white. I am so looking forward to this. Can you taste my joy?

I booked a meeting room at the Lab with for the purpose of “nap time”. I didn’t mean to press send, but I did – let’s see if they change their mind about yesterday’s “congratulations for making it through probation” meeting.

Okay, off to Richmond.

Hooray!

Best of Vancouver my ASS.

I am seriously tired of The Straight’s “Best of” list continually being wrong and/or disturbing. When we first moved to Vancouver, we didn’t really have any idea of what to eat, so we relied on the hip and cool local rag to steer us in the general direction of delicious. Time and time again we were disappointed in what was considered “the best” in any number of categories – either someone has been buying reader votes, or a lot of people have just plain crappy taste.

Two examples spring immediately to mind: year after year, Las Margaritas on West 4th has been voted as the best Mexican food in the city. Even allowing for extra generous points knowing that you really can’t get good Mexican food in Canada, Las Margaritas was *terrible*. Overpriced food, poor service, and the worst crime a “Mexican” restaurant can commit: bland food. Salsa has flavour, people. It is not just watered down ketchup. Even with our warnings, friends have gone to Las Margaritas to check it out for themselves and came away with the same verdict: holy shit, that was awful. It’s places like this that make me happy to drive over the border into Bellingham, Washington to dine at Mi Mexico, which has some of the finest Mexican food I’ve ever had. Fie on you, Las Margaritas. You are no good.

Example number two: Mr. Pickwick’s Fish & Chips. My parents instilled into me a love of halibut, and every once in a while I get a craving for some good old fashioned fish n’ chips. We’ve had success at places like the Cockney Kings, but it’s so far down East Hastings it’s a block outside of Port Moody and too far to get to from our home on the North Shore. Also good is Montgomery’s Fish n’ Chips in the Lonsdale Quay, and Ed really likes the fish from Charlie’s in Sinclair but I personally think their tartar sauce is kind of funky. My current favourite, though, is C-Lovers – reasonably priced, fast service, completely delicious and close to my house, so it’s a win all around.

For the sake of adventure this last weekend though, we decided to try out Mr. Pickwick’s. It’s usually voted as the best Fish n’ Chips in Vancouver, so we scooted to the Denman Street location for some dinner. Apparently, calling yourself a “bistro” and serving things on square plates means you can charge out the ass for your food. We tried the crab cakes for an appetizer. They were okay; nothing spectacular although they were plentiful for the price. The real crime, though, was the fish – while I am truly down with the irony of this complaint, the fish was *watery*. And overpriced. A standard 2-piece halibut and chips plate ran a good $8 more than any other place I’ve been to, and the quality was just not there for the price we paid. Ed and I can eat ourselves stupid at C-Lovers for $24 – our meal at Pickwick’s was $45 and nowhere near as tasty.

I’m done looking towards random strangers for the lowdown on decent food options. Seriously, any poll that has McDonald’s winning more than one category with no trace of the funny should just not be taken seriously. Fie on you, Reader’s Choice voters. Your taste buds are clearly made of stupid.

You’re in a Japanese grocery store, picking up some interesting snacks and candy to enjoy over the course of the weekend. Unable to read the packaging, you rely on images and proximity to determine what you’ll try. It’s a fairly fail-proof method, because groceries stores don’t generally shelve rat poison next to popcorn.

After selecting your Pocky flavours of the week, you spy a colourful package of mystery. Do you:

A) skip it, because you aren’t sure what’s in it and it could be gross
B) buy it, because it has Hello Kitty on it and you’re a sucker for anything cute
C) buy it, because every mystery food you’ve bought with Hello Kitty on it in the past has always had a toy in it and the toy is more fun than the food anyway
D) buy it, because it’s colourful and very cute and might have a toy in it and is sitting on the shelf in between some sour candies and some green tea Pocky, so it is obviously delicious
E) read the packaging carefully for a clue as to what it might be, therefore realizing that it is NOT candy but rather 40 individual packets of fish-flavoured rice seasoning

If your answer is A, you are not very adventurous and quite possibly boring.

If your answer is B, C or D, you are me.

If your answer is E, what are you doing next week? Do you want to come to the Japanese store with me for some REAL candy and not fish flakes disguised as candy?

Apparently, I accidentally purchased 40 packets of adorable Hello Kitty furikake. Judging by the pictures on the very cute little packets, the flavours (2 of each) are:

• Airport security
• Karaoke
• Fire
• Flowers
• Carpentry
• Art museum tours
• Space
• Rectal thermometry
• Soccer
• Dolphins
• Bus driving
• Bar graphs
• Sushi
• Hitting someone in the head with a baseball
• Ice skating with raccoons
• Hair drying
• Science
• Gluttony
• Apple Umbrella Socks
• Serving drinks to evil bears

Mmmmm! I can’t wait to try these!