they’re onto something

As I mentioned below, I spent much of last week with the flu. I had full body aches and pains and a persistent headache that would not. go. away. no matter what I did. There were no sniffles involved, just a whole lot of soreness and water drinking and worry, since we were flying to Edmonton on Friday for a long overdue visit. While I wasn’t feeling 100% by the time we headed east, I was feeling better and then the freezing ass asscold froze the germs (and everything else) solid.

Today was my first day back in the office in a week. People kept asking me “How are you feeling?”, followed up by “Are you sure you’re better?” I was getting a little insulted – are you saying I LOOK sick?! – until I got home this evening.

Now that we’re back in the balmy Vancouver breeze, the germs have thawed. My flu is gone, but now I have an awesome cold – and so does Ed. Hooray! We are totally awesome and riddled with parasites!

I guess I did look like crap, after all. I don’t care though:

I AM SLOTH

friendmas revisited

This year, instead of our standard gift exchange plans (operation: buy all the things for all the friends), we’re changing things up a little. We’re all at a point in our lives where time with each other is more important than presents (how dreadfully adult), and with finances kind of tight all around (mortgage reassessments, boats, ten thousand vet visits), we’re falling back on the tried-and-true draw method: draw one name and buy that person a gift. Not satisfied with how uncomplicated and cracker platter that sounds, we’re introducing a bit of a twist: along with the name, you also draw a theme that your gift must be based around.

This has all the potential of being hilarious, but is also proving to be somewhat difficult. In addition to the good theme suggestions we’ve got (colours, time periods, edible things that aren’t candy), we’re also getting suggestions that are .. somewhat esoteric:

  • HTML5 Canvas
  • The 1972 Stanley Cup run
  • Poisonous fish
  • That issue of GI Joe where Serpentor claims to have invented pizza in 52BC
  • Licorice
  • Radar O’Reilly

I wish there were more of us participating in the exchange, because this is going to be fun and/or confusing. Still, I’m somewhat sad that we’ve made the change at all – friends are the only people other than Ed I get to do Christmas for, and I love buying presents for others. On the other hand, themes!

In other news, I survived the flu and a brutal cold snap in Edmonton and eating four donairs in three days and voting, so now I’m going home to put on a sloth onesie. Wednesday, I have defeated you.

this is the only thing i remember from my gi joe comics.

this is the only thing i remember from the marvel gi joe comics.

superdeformed (my blood is still warm)

Among the many (many, many) things I collect are Funko Pop Vinyl figures. I don’t strive for complete sets because that is boring, and instead I just get the ones I like (or the ones that have to go together, because you can’t really have Finn without Jake and Sharknado without everything else ever). This makes for an eclectic collection, but I’m okay with that – it is very much like me (colourful, useless, and not all there).

Funko has been around for years, but they’ve only recently become mega popular. This is great, because they’re releasing figures for all kinds of pop culture titles both new and old – but as my collection grows, I’ve realized something that has me kind of grumpy about the whole damn thing:

The female figures are made in such a way that they are too skinny to stand up on their own.

This style of figure is called “super deformed“. They hold a loose resemblance to the character they’re supposed to be, and in no way proportional to an actual human being – so WHY OH WHY do the female figures have to be so fucking dainty that they require an additional plastic base to stand upright?!

Take a look:

top row: gogo yubari, myrtle snow, willow rosenburg middle row: gentleman, creature from the black lagoon, seth green as oz bottom: marceline, fionna, hello kitty, maleficent

top row: gogo yubari, myrtle snow, willow rosenburg
middle row: gentleman, creature from the black lagoon, seth green as oz
bottom: marceline, fionna, hello kitty, maleficent

The Willow figure doesn’t have a base because I accidentally threw it out. I’ve had it for a couple of weeks now, and was always frustrated that I couldn’t get her to stand up properly. Today when I opened several new figures, I realized the girls came with bases to keep them up – and sure enough, there was a hole in Willow’s foot for the stand I didn’t see in the package.

The middle row are male characters. Most of them share the same body, unless the body has a unique feature or piece of clothing that changes the mold. Oz’s body could be replaced with that of Agent Coulson, Deadpool, Admiral Ackbar, Superman, Greedo, or any of the hundreds of other characters available in the Funko lineup .. and ALL of them stand up as is, with no base needed.

The bottom row features older Funko female figures. This trend of “girls should be ultra skinny, even when the entire proportion is off” appears to be new, because each of those characters are able to stand up without a stupid base. The Pop Vinyl line has a lot of non-human characters, too – they’ve found a way to make the fish from Finding Nemo stand up, but grown woman figures? Nope, they need help standing.

Funko, I love your stuff. A lot. Last month I placed an order for 12 different figures to expand my collection with adorable nerdy things. I have a massive collection of pop culture figures, and your items are proudly displayed on my shelves for me to look at and enjoy. I’d really love to continue giving you money, so can you revisit the design for your human female character figures and maybe make them a little less ridiculously dainty? In case you missed it, it’s really fucking difficult to be a female fan of anything these days. Video games, comic books, and anything even remotely nerdy are very hostile at the moment, so the last thing we need right now is to see yet another company not realizing what kind of message they send when they do things like this. I don’t get the sense at ALL that you think your figures are for boys or men only – I love that you’ve got Disney movie characters right alongside the Walking Dead and Starcraft and Goonies and Adventure Time – so please, let women stand on their own two feet.

that’s not how this works

You all know what this is about, so I won’t waste any energy rehashing the backstory.

  1. Consent can be revoked at any time. It is not an open pass that allows you to do as you like for the rest of your life.
  2. It’s highly unlikely the three or four women he dated worked together to get him fired – but it doesn’t matter. The other accusation, that he sexually harassed a fellow employee in the office, IS a fireable offense. CBC is not dictating what happens in the bedroom, but they can, should, and are saying that they do not tolerate sexual harassment in the workplace, and they hold their employees to a higher standard than to be accused of beating women.
  3. “Why didn’t the women go to the police?” Other than the fact that many people have no trouble believing someone who posted a self-pitying novel to Facebook over multiple women who had their stories checked out by an award-winning, responsible news organization, I have a very good idea why they didn’t file reports: There are rumours that emails and texts from the women “prove” they were into his BDSM fantasies – but even if there are, so what? My sending you a saucy message that says I want to play does NOT give ANYONE the right to punch and attack me outside that specific sexual encounter. If those messages are released into the public though, what will the majority of people – those who don’t understand point #1 up there – believe? “Clearly they must have wanted it, they even said so!” Bullshit. Consent can be revoked. A good relationship is built on trust. I trust that my partner won’t hurt me outside of the bedroom – hell, I trust that he won’t hurt me inside it, either. Safe words exist for a reason.
  4. Breath play during sex can be exciting. Breath play outside of sex is called assault. Choking someone the instant you’re behind a closed door, when they’re not expecting it, and don’t know you’ve just initiated foreplay? NO.
  5. Abuse is not kink. Kink is not abuse.

The internet makes me fucking tired.

am i doing this right guys?

Ethics

they’re so misunderstood.

i was overwhelmed (if that’s a word)

To be honest, I’ve been silent for more reasons than my sudden fascination with what will happen to all my crap when I die. Things have been really fucking crappy and expensive around these parts, and it’s been hard to see outside our own collective clouds of perpetual doom. In the last month:

  • Lemon got sick with a stomach bug, and I had to give him a round of nightly injections because he wouldn’t take pills. He’s never been the cheeriest of cats, and having him sick and hating us was just awful. It was also expensive: his vet bills totalled around $1200. We have cat insurance, but it remains to be seen whether any of the costs will be covered (because it’s not particularly GOOD cat insurance).
  • We took our car in for a routine tune up, and it needed a LOT of work. Many car things were done, and while the repairs will extend the life of the car by a long time and be much safer on the road and blah blah responsible motorist cakes, the final bill was just shy of $1400. We weren’t really expecting that. Gaskets are really expensive.
  • Lemon is more or less fine now, but Hobbes isn’t. He has some seriously bad teeth that need to be pulled; 3-5 of them + one canine that was rotten and gross. We took him in for surgery this past Wednesday, but during the pre-exam they found a significant heart murmur – no surgery. He has to go in for an ultrasound next Tuesday to determine if it’s heart disease or something else. The good news is the vet did opt to pull the tooth that was giving him the most trouble, and he’s already so much happier (and much less smelly). Also, his initial bloodwork came back perfect: he’s in great health, if you ignore his mouth and whatever may be going on with his heart. We don’t know how much this is going to cost, but the surgery quote was $1800 – and that’s before the heart murmur was found.
  • Ed isn’t coping with the Hobbes news well. Hobbes is his Sasha, so he’s basically a wreck. He’s dealing with that while I’m dealing with some stuff of my own, and both of us need the other to be the rock. It’s failing miserably.
  • Piccadilly is going in to be spayed tomorrow, and I feel awful about it. I know it’s a necessity and I know she’ll be better off for it, but I’m terrified for her. She’s so small and trusting and I’m taking her to a place where she’ll be scared and hurt and I can’t explain why to make it all better and if I think about it I cry because I am a giant wuss who can’t handle shit.
  • I need a haircut really badly.

So, yeah. It’s been a pretty shitty month, and it would be great if things could get better soon, okay? I don’t like it when stuff sucks.

morbidity

I disappear for two weeks and come back not with a song in my step, but with deep unsettling questions about the futility of my own existence. Is this the start of my mid-life crisis? How exciting! What do you wear to a mid-life crisis, anyway? I hope it involves tulle.

My determination to be the girl with the most cake toys has seen my collection flourish and grow. My lady cave is covered in awesome things as far as the eye can see – entire shelves dedicated to my favourite pop cultures; a mishmash of genres and universes and lifestyles. I have a lot of cool stuff.

Unfortunately, I am starting to question WHY I have so much cool stuff.

At the end of the day, it’s just .. junk. Brightly coloured pieces of plastic moulded to look like someone else’s money-making dream. Why do I have it? And what will happen to it when I’m dead? There isn’t going to be any sort of museum exhibit filled with artifacts from my pointless life; no one is going to look at my collection of things and think how awesome I must have been to have spent so much time and money amassing all these lovely things. In the end, it’s all just garbage. No matter how much we may dearly love our hobbies or curios or collections while we live, when everything goes dark it’s nothing more than a burden to those who loved you. You may keep an item or two as a memento – I recommend anything from my Optimus Prime collection – but you can’t keep my entire life together. None of my things will mean as much to anyone else as they did to me, and that’s pretty depressing. I keep thinking back to my dad’s record collection – he loved his records. He had thousands of them, and had been collecting them since his radio days. After he died, what happened to them? My mom let a close friend of his go through the collection and take what he wanted, and the rest were donated or thrown away. Everything he poured into his collection – all the time and money, the thrill of a rare find, the delight in an old favourite, the love of a good memory – gone. The collection wasn’t a comfort or joy to my mother, it was a burden. She stressed over what to do with the thousands of records – toss them in the garbage? Leave them on the curb? Donate them to some organization?  The neatly lined shelves that made my dad happy for decades were nothing more than a huge pain in the ass for my mother to deal with.

Will that happen to my things? When I draw my last breath at 114 (I’m nothing if not optimistic/terrified of death), will Ed be left with a house full of dusty plastic reminders of a movie we once saw or a video game I once loved? Will he look over all the faded memories of the ridiculous things that made me happy and curse the need to clean up after me one last time? Or will I have long since caved in to the nagging voice in the back of my head that wonders if I wouldn’t maybe be happier living a minimalist lifestyle that would fit in a duffle bag so that I may come and go as I please?

I love my things, but I am questioning why I have things. If all my cherished items are nothing more than a burden for others to deal with after I’m gone, is it better to not cherish anything at all?

Mid! Life! Crisis!

future landfill

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