Monthly Archives: September 2007

squeeze my head for zelicious juice

Posted in fuuuuuuuu, nerd by

It’s sunny outside! This will greatly enable my one goal of the day: going outside. I haven’t scooted in over a week and I’m starting to turn a sickly shade of gray from monitor and television radiation, so it’s time to go outside. YAY!

I’m having a really stupid problem with Microsoft. All my MS products are tied together – my Zune, my MSN account, and my Xbox Live account. Not really a big deal; I’ve pretty much given up on any kind of privacy where the internet is concerned. There’s only one catch – for some reason, my country of origin is set to the US. I’m Canadian through and through (eh), and while this would bother me even if it wasn’t utterly destroying my life, it’s still not THAT big a deal – or is it?!

Since my Zune account came first (take that, chicken and egg), my Xbox Live gamer tag is stuck as “Zelicious Juice”. It’s locked to my email address, which is the same one I use for MSN Messenger and all my Windows Live ID crap. I have no idea why I picked Zelicious Juice when setting up my Zune – I’ve never used that as a name before in my life – but what’s done is done. Luckily, Microsoft will allow me to change my gamer tag anytime I want .. for only for 800 Microsoft Points. Okay, I get it – they’re a small company struggling to survive, and it only makes sense to charge people for account changes they had no control over when adding another product to their personal Microsoft family tree. I can get behind that.

So, in order to fix my gamer tag, I need to purchase some Microsoft Points online and apply them towards my Windows Live ID. I can use the extra points to buy exclusive in-game add-ons, music for my Zune, an extra bitch for my bitch boat, etc. Sounds good; let’s just suck it up and do it and curse my Zune while we’re at it. Visa’s out, I’m all signed in, and ..

My country of origin is stuck on US, and any credit card I try to add is going to fail the address check.

Well, surely I can change the country – let’s just edit my account information and try again. After all, I can edit my information on every Microsoft device I have – if it won’t work on the Xbox, I can try my Zune account or even my MSN Messenger account. This’ll be a breeze!

A breeze made of POISONOUS GASSES, that is. The country is the one piece of information you cannot change. It’s stuck. I am, as far as Microsoft is concerned, an American. Okay, fine – except I very clearly want to give them money, and their own system is not allowing me to do so. Look! I have money! I’m waving my Visa around frantically! Please take it! Do you want a different money? I have other money! Take them all! Please take my money, Microsoft!

Nope. Not gonna happen.

For something so minor, this is incredibly frustrating. I spent at least an hour yesterday looking around Microsoft websites, trying to find anything that will help me. I thought I got lucky when I found a 24/7 Xbox Support Chat, but my hopes were quickly dashed when I realized you were actually chatting with an Xbox. I shit you not; they programmed some canned responses to various keywords and it was in no way a live person. I finally found a support form that I could fill out and mail off, and I had to remind myself what my problem was so I didn’t waste my one question to the Microsoft Oracle on “WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO COMPLICATED?!”.

I think I’ve figured out why this is happening, and it’s really my own damn fault. I would rather blame someone else though, so I am casting a stinking eye at my Zune. Sure, it’s completely awesome and 30gb and unique and the screen is gorgeous. It’s also caused all these problems and more I probably haven’t discovered yet. All this weird shit with my Live ID started when I registered my Zune, and the reason (I’m assuming) my ID says I’m in the US is because Zunes are not available in Canada. Surely no one is so desperate for gadgetry that they would cross the border into the Americas to buy some contraband electronics, right? That’s just SILLY! Yet that’s exactly what we did, and why I’m now stuck playing Xbox Live games as Zelicious Juice. It’s my own fault, but I choose not to accept the blame – damn you, Zune!

My issue is baffling Microsoft’s bizarre support structure. I just received an email from a real person – not an Xbox – and it’s incredibly apologetic. I almost feel like replying and trying to calm her down; it sounds like she’s about to commit hari-kari because she can’t fix my issue. Unfortunately, she’s also pawned me off to another department so I have to submit my issue all over again. This sucks. Give me my birth country back!

In other news, I unintentionally won an eBay auction for something I can’t afford and am not even sure I want because obviously I am rolling in cash what with my lack of a job and all. Shit and hell and also fuck.

Outside awaits!

my other secret shame

Posted in everyday kimli by

I got bored. What do you think?

I think my mom has a crush! The guy who walked in on me in the shower in Victoria (he was there to replace the fridge, had to pee, and mom sent him to the bathroom not knowing I was all about the wet and naked in there) is a widower, and mom keeps talking about him and saying she’s going to give him a call to invite him for coffee or something. Cute! Go, mom! Mack up that refrigerator man!

In my time of neediness, I find myself craving the ridiculous foods that I ate when I was wee. Last night at 10:30, I had a wicked urge for a tuna sandwich so I made one up and ate it with the absolutely essential plain ruffled potato chips. Okay, that’s a relatively normal meal; one my dad used to make for me when I’d come home from school for lunch. Tasty and nostalgic, plus fun for the cats since they get most of the can of tuna from me. However, nothing I can say will ever justify what I just ate with relish (literal relish, not physical – I do have SOME standards): a potato chip sandwich.

I don’t know how or why I started eating these, but at some point in my misguided and carb-laden youth, I thought it would be a fantastic idea to stick some of the above-mentioned plain ruffled chips in a piece of white bread and chomp away. And it’s yummy. Disgusting, yes and certainly not anything I eat with any sort of regularity, but I do enjoy myself a potato chip sandwich from time to time. Like, right now. Mmm!

What disgusting things do you eat by yourself in the dark, away from prying eyes and horrified onlookers? French fries in ice cream don’t count; I eat that in public. Potato chip sandwiches though have only ever been eaten before Ed, with a face full of shame, crumbs, and more than just a little bit of internal satisfaction.

i want a pug

Posted in everyday kimli by

Ed claims to love me, but he is still frequently and heartlessly denying my pleas for a pug. I really want a pug, you see. Ed, who clearly hates me and never wants me to be happy ever again, does not want a dog because it would interfere with his book burning and baby eating activities. He is an evil nasty boy who does not love me one bit, and he makes me cry. Boo at Ed. Boooooo.

Since I do not have a pug, I have had to make do with my other pets:

I am amused at how weird people think I am for my snails.

WHY is my brother forwarding me religious-themed junk spam? I am tempted to reply with this, but that would mean acknowledging that I receive his frequent kitten-filled “I am thinking of you, forward this to 10 people to let them know you caaaaaare” messages. Which I don’t. Care, that is. I am bitter and jaded and not at all close to my family. Take that, adorable kittens!

If any of my 7 readers happen to be in the UK and stumble upon the items in the link below, I will be your best friend forever if you were to somehow obtain the two drives for me. I know I just replaced the 4 USB (1x1gb, 2x512mb, 1x128mb) drives I used to carry with one snazzy 4gb drive, but it is not shaped like an Autobot. Clearly, I must own those. They are so cool it hurts my bum.

So hey, I need a job please.

And a pug.

highway to the danger zone

Posted in nerd by

While I doubt it’s going to get me a new job, I am very excellent at destroying bus shelters and parking meters at a high rate of speed.

I’ve successfully managed to wrangle the Xbox 360 away from Ed at times, and I’m progressing quite nicely in Need for Speed: Carbon. I’m not usually a huge fan of racing games, but I’ve always had a soft wet spot for the Need for Speed series. I finished and loved Need for Speed: Most Wanted, and while it took me a while to warm up to Carbon, I’m really enjoying it. Now I just need to finish it so I can turn my attention to Bioshock, except I just picked up MySims for the DS Lite and The Phantom Zelda comes out next Tuesday. Oh, and Beautiful Katamari is out on October 16th. It’s a damn good thing I don’t have a job, actually – how else would I be able to keep up on top of all this gaming?

Unfortunately, my need for speed has given me a headache so I think I will perhaps have a shower and eat some lunch. I am a busy girl.

Shit, Halo 3 came out last night too. Perhaps I should just forego showers and nutrition altogether so’s I can fit more game time in.

ground control to major tom: tsk tsk

Posted in i'm an astronaut by

In theory, the Space Saga will be officially, finally, completely closed by the end of this week.

I received a phone call last night from the Space Boss. They did in fact receive my paperwork, and he had been authorized to go ahead and pay the amount I feel is owed to me.

Score one for the little round girl!

While I am relived that this doesn’t need to go any further, I am both amused and a little incredulous (more so than usual). It seems the Space Board is disappointed that I took this route, and felt that it was premature for me to have done so. Also, they’re doing me a big favour by just paying me off because, and I quote, “I’ve been through this before – I won 4 claims and lost 1, and believe me, you don’t want this to go to the government”. Well then. Thanks awfully for acknowledging my claim that you’ve been (through no ill will or intent, he said) acting against the BC Employment Standards Act since day one and – wait – did you just admit that this is the SIXTH TIME someone has found your actions as an employer to be unfair, insane, and ultimately illegal?!?? Damn, maybe they really DID do me a huge favour by just cutting my tether and letting me go.

I had to send an email stating that we discussed this, and once I receive the cheque, it will completely sever all and any contracts I may have had with the Space Station. Fine by me – as I told Ed last night, even if they came back next week with a thousand things for me to do, I don’t want to work for that company any longer. Not only do I not trust them, there are a lot of residual bad feelings there and I’d basically be giving them a hall pass to continue to treat me like shit for all eternity. No thank you – I might be submissive, but I’m not an idiot.

Of course, once the cheque arrives I get to file for EI and explain to THAT government why I don’t have a Record of Employment and haven’t paid into the fund for the last 18 months. How many governments can I sic on the Space Station, anyway? It would be a lot easier if I could just get another job – a real one this time please – and not have to file for anything. I’ve been throwing resumes at anything that even remotely looks like I might be able to do or fake, so here’s hoping. I could use some good luck, please. If you have any to spare, send it my way!

Have you ever wondered what a conversation with me would sound like in real life? The first panel of today’s Diesel Sweeties pretty much sums it up perfectly, almost eerily so. I am not at all convinced that the very cute rstevens has not been listening in on my conversations both with Ed and myself.

saltspring island for the win

Posted in international kimli, relationship drama by

And now we are home!

As far as 5th anniversaries go, this one was incredible. We had an awesome time relaxing and hanging out and trying to build fires. Good use was made of the mineral tub; I counted at least half a dozen baths in the 3 nights we were there. The trip to Saltspring was actually our first real vacation, ever – we didn’t crash at anyone’s place, we didn’t visit parents, and we didn’t drag all our friends out with us (not for my lack of trying). It was amazing. Hooray for anniversaries!

Okay, about the ring. It was a mutual gift, because I’m just so modern like that. I wouldn’t feel right about Ed spending that much money on me, so we planned it out and bought it together. We also didn’t wake up all Hollywood – seriously, I would choke and die before spending upwards of $3k on shiny things. Given my noble sense of frugality and my fear of Leonardo DiCaprio potentially showing up at my door and demanding my diamonds, we did a lot of research and eventually settled on Moissanite. The ring itself is a Lucern setting in two-tone 14k gold with 5 stones (for our Fifthiversary, gettit?) with a 1.25tcw. It is gorgeous and crazy sparkly and I’m slowly getting used to having such huge bling on my right hand. It sort of matches my wedding and engagement rings, which I like – while I generally wear nothing but silver, I have some wacky rules in place for “official” jewellery, which is allowed to be gold as long as it’s two-tone. I love my ring. Moissanite stuff is pretty incredible, and I’d definitely look into other pieces if I ever needed more official jewellery. Plus, it’s tricky and therefore appeals to my “I can’t believe it’s not butter!” sense of humour.

To my delight, I found out last night that Ed had actually taken today off work as well so we have an extra day to bask in our cats and bathroom with water that doesn’t reek of sulphur and also scooters. I think we may go outside for an adventure; I will pretty much do anything to avoid having to face the Real World again in which I look for a job and sit on pointy needles waiting to see if the Space Station will respond to the paperwork that says Give Me Money or Else. They received it on Thursday, so now we wait. Don’t make me fill out that yellow sheet, please. I’ll do it if I have to, but it would be so much easier if you’d just write me a damn cheque and wash your hands of me.

Vacation was awesome, but home is truly excellent.

Almost forgot: here be photos from our trip!

true nerds strong and free

Posted in broken kimli, nerd by

Sad: We had to Google “how to start a fire”

Sadder: We still couldn’t get the damn thing going

We wouldn’t last 30 minutes in a survival situation.

(it’s not completely our fault – the wood we were trying to burn was damp and we had very little kindling to work with) (we’re still pretty sad, though)

rancho relaxo

Posted in relationship drama by

Vacation is a marvelous thing. Even more impressive – no skunks! I’d almost forgotten what a skunk-free evening smelled like! It is glorious.

We arrived yesterday afternoon after a three-hour ferry ride. We got to the terminal with about 4 minutes to spare, and we only made it by foregoing gas and food and an ATM. Luckily, boat technology has come a long way since my last trip to the island some 11 years ago, and this time the ferry was equipped with a cafeteria so we didn’t have to resort to cannibalism before we landed at Long Harbour.

Once on Saltspring, we had some time to kill so we wandered around Ganges for a bit, picking up essentials for our stay: beer, wine, something wussy that I could drink, and a few groceries. We got to the resort early, but were able to check in anyway. The place is amazing; there’s a fireplace and the freezer was stocked with ice cubes and the mineral tub is incredible. I was delighted to see that the hairy man with the receding hairline was not in fact standard; he was nowhere to be seen in our chalet. Excellent.

For dinner last night we decided to check out a place in Ganges that had caught Ed’s eye called Oystercatchers. They don’t seem to have a website, but I assure you the restaurant is fully modernized with plumbing and everything. It was cozy and warm inside, and the food was both okay and incredible – our meals (various surf n’ turf-esq platters) were passable, but the appetizers were fucking amazing. We shared some freshly shucked oysters (because you can’t go to a place called Oystercatchers and not catch some oysters in your gullet) which were really really really good, and then there was this soup – some sort of whiskey crab soup that was in all honesty the best soup I’d ever tasted. I’d go back there in a heartbeat just for the soup alone. It was even better than the previous holder of the Awesomest Soup Ever title; the Crab and Guinness soup found at St. James Gate in Banff, Alberta. SO GOOD. O man. Might have to return and have it again. Yum.

We headed back to our chalet afterward to check out the tub, play with the fireplace, get drunk off wine (Ed), drink lots of Diet Coke out of a wine glass and pretend to be high society (me), and watch the first 3 episodes of Clone High on DVD. Also, there was humping. It too was excellent.

Today, Ed gets a hot stone massage at the spa – my surprise for him on this, our actual anniversary. I might partake of some sort of spa service myself, if they have an opening. There’s a beach across the street we want to check out, and if we’re feeling brave we might take a boat out on the water and see what happens.

So far, our trip has been great. I wish I could relax a little more; it’s very hard for me to forget that today is the day my Ominous Government Paperwork should be landing at my former Space Station and I expect the fallout to be mighty and far reaching. Maybe I can forget about it for a while if I take a mud bath. I like bathing; I like mud – what’s not to love?

Story of the ring coming soon, I promise!