delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate

I just stabbed myself in the back with a pair of scissors.

I was using them as a backscratcher.

Now I am bleeding.

And I’m still itchy.

Is there a stranger I can take candy from around here anywhere?

I did go to the Apple store to plead my case – give me a free iPod Touch – but I left empty handed, after talking to nobody.

Because this is the sensible thing to do, you see.

I still think I should qualify for the deal, because I bought my iMac 3 days before it was announced. If I had known, I would have waited. That being said, I went to the store and read the fine print – it’s a mail-in rebate for the cost of the iPod, meaning you pay for it up front and eventually get your money back. When I had been buying my computer, I may very well have gone for the deal in the heat of the moment. Taking time to think about it, however, made me realize just how stupid it would be to spend $250 on something I don’t need, just for fun. And then what? I’d be stuck with a piece of hardware I have less than zero need for; not even half a little. I already HAVE a 16GB iPod Touch that’s collecting dust on my nightstand; why would I add an 8GB Touch to it? That would be stupid, so I didn’t do it and instead I bought a taco. It came with free tomatoes; no mail-in rebate required.

That was all my energy and common sense for the month, though. I am completely knackered, and moments away from being made into glue.

Things that are less clammy than me at this moment:

• Your 8th grade crush
• A round of spicy Caesars at the bar
• Actual clams

I hate being sick.

Welcome to Delicious Juice Dot Com: the only blog not running a Sex and the City 2 contest!

So, a monk, a hillbilly, a jock and a nerd were walking down the street all wearing “PRO-LIFE” t-shirts.

If anyone knows the punchline to this, please let me know. We saw them walking south down Boundary at Lougheed yesterday around 4:30, but couldn’t figure out what the fuck – I didn’t see them quickly enough to run them over (also I was on my scooter and Lola is far too important to risk damaging on the bodies of religious whackjobs), and there’s always a chance it was ironic ignorance as opposed to real ignorance. Four young guys dressed up in costumes wearing matching PRO-LIFE t-shirts? That has to be a joke, right?

Shit – it doesn’t appear to be a joke. Well, that puts a sour note on my Tuesday morning. Get your ignorant, moronic bullshit out of my uterus, assholes.

On paper my weekend was busy and full of fun, but in reality, it was uncharacteristically quiet both online and off. If I look back, I did a lot of things – set up my Mac, made 4 batches of pot cookies, went to a party, washed Lola, enjoyed a Breakfast of Kings – but it doesn’t feel as though I was productive; nor am I well-rested and ready to take on the week. I spent much of yesterday feeling cranky and out of sorts for no particular reason, so I’ll blame everything on that.

I *should* be excited, but I’m not there yet. We leave for vacation next Friday morning, but I’ve done surprisingly little by way of planning: we’ve got the hotel reservation for Sunday-Tuesday, and that’s it. I don’t even really know our route; we’re going to head south and get on the 101 and .. see what happens. I know it’ll be fun and I get to spend 3 days in Portland, but right now I’m just tired. I need .. something. Perhaps more caffeine.

72 bottles of diet coke on the wall, 72 bottles of diet coke ..

Hooray for me! I went with my gut feeling and ignored the fast, talking-down-to-me sales guy who was telling me there was no way my cable solution would work – and it works perfectly. Suck it, sales guy. I was right and you are dumb.

I’m still not looking forward to tackling the iPhone syncing issue, but godDAMN this new setup is sexy as hell. I’m so glad I finally took the plunge and bought the computer, already.

I am enjoying this long weekend!

Just as membership into fraternal organizations like the Stonecutters or Phi Beta Douchebag can be acquired through family ties, I think media credentials should work the same way.

Seeing all the work that goes into making a TV show at CBC made me wish I had chosen a more exciting line of work. My dad used to work in radio, and later in television – so clearly I already possess the necessary skills needed for “the biz”; having inherited them from my father.

Truth be told, I like what I do. Yes, I’d rather be writing interesting things instead of technical documentation, but my kind of humour doesn’t translate well to .. anything, really. My niche will likely never be bigger than this corner of the internet, but I do what I do well (I hope). Sure, I’d love to write a book or screenplay, but until I create the next image-heavy-snarky-caption meme to take the internet by storm, I’ll just continue writing here.

Back to inherited credentials. I knew I had some of my dad’s work badges, and thought I remembered seeing a CBC one in there somewhere. Turns out I was wrong – CFCF is Montreal’s CTV – but I wondered if there was anything I could do with these things. It would have been useful to remember this stuff during the Olympics – what do you mean, the logo on my badge is from 1965; I’m with the press – but maybe I could have some fun yet:

gonna strap a camera to lola and do some field reporting

The first logo was used between 1959 and 1975; no idea about the second:

would have been so useful in february :(

i actually have no idea how/where my dad got this; i never heard him talk about working for nbc

This is slightly less interesting but still might come in handy (in 1990):

let me in, i'm a visitor

I do have my dad’s CHEK-TV employee badge somewhere, but it has his picture on it so I can’t use it for evil.

These things are neat – I’ve actually started wearing the CFCF badge on my CBC bag. Again, I REALLY wish I had thought of this during the Olympics – it probably wouldn’t have done me any good, but if I had paired it with my True North Media House accreditation, maybe I could have gotten kicked out of more than just the opening ceremonies.

I also found an unused ticket for Expo 86 in dad’s things, and one from Expo ’67. And actually .. now that I think about it, my dad would have been working in TV in Montreal during the ’76 Olympics. Maybe that’s where the NBC badges are from? Man, I wish I could have asked him about this stuff.

Is it time to go home yet? I have a new computer to set up. His name is Leonidas.

Get it?

I am funny.

.. they all. fall. down.

i'm coming for you, pentaxjeeppug

I can’t help but feel a little ashamed – this list started out as a way to track those utterly impossible pie in the sky oh look here’s an extra pile of money that I absolutely no other use for kind of things that maybe I would get someday if I happened to find a sugar daddy or my mother finally won the lottery, but I’m slowly making my way through it as I end up with new toys.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you.

As with all of the above purchases, a great deal of justification and fast talking went into this. I got a surprise bonus at work today, which was nice. Ed is getting a bonus next month, and has promised me a chunk of it to do whatever I want. Those two together equaled two thirds of the iMac I’d been eyeing for MONTHS, and after a morning full of waffling and doubt, I took the plunge.

Basically, it was either this or an iPad. I *know* I don’t need an iPad – I’ve promised myself I would wait until the second generation if I get one at all, but I really and truly don’t need one – and my laptop is starting to chunk and do weird things, and it pretty desperately needs a reformat that I don’t dare do. I’ve also really wanted to set up a media PC for quite some time, and now that I have three episodes of Glee to catch up on, it’s as good a time as any.

Now, what am I going to name my Mac?!

it's a boy, i know that much