I received a ransom note today from a very lazy criminal who obviously used a note generator instead of the tried and true cut and glue method:
I’ve transcribed it here for you:
You will never see your dry cleaning again because I have decided to let it rot in a bag under my desk. I am doing this to prove a point: I am a big stupid jerk with no concern for your white sweater or your green plaid cardigan. I am willing to sacrifice my fancy silk shirt thing and wool pants just to make you sad. I am an evil bastard and there is nothing you can do about it except perhaps give me unlimited blowjobs and sole retention of the big TV and the 360 in the evening.
PS: I will also never ever ever get my passport because see above re: big stupid jerk. Besides, I hate traveling with you because you smell like flowers and insist on making plans to do stuff when all I really want out of life is unlimited blowjobs and use of the 360.
No love,
Ed Random Kidnapper
Well, shit.
delicious juice dot com 
Did you ever in your wildest dreams think you’d ever get that kind of honesty in a note from a man……..*sniff*?
Really, it makes me kinda weepy and stuff, and those are feelings that I don’t really like to have or own up to.
Oh shit, more honesty in a note from another man.
It must be your lucky day!
Ed has to be the luckiest man in the world.
You say
“Well, shit.” at the close of the post,
but on the Flickr page your comment is
“Who wants to help me pay the ransom? :x ”
He knows what he wants, and he remembers what’s in the laundry bag, and he can play the 360 and receive head at the same time. How much does his highest score vary with multi-tasking, or, considering where many women think a man’s brain resides, his cpu loading?
I did expect more of Ed.. some sort of hidden coded message by reading columns or diagonals forwards or backwards… damn, nothing.
I think it’s time you held the demanded ransom for ransom. I’m betting you can hold out longer than he can… :D
I heard somewhere that it’s extremely important to men’s self-esteem that they not appear to be ordered about. This is a gross generalization, of course. If they’re told to do something, for example, they have to wait awhile so that they can convince themselves that it was their idea. Nagging only resets the waiting timer. But women can’t ever let go of things. Basically my point is that everybody is doomed. Dooooomed!