It’s extremely hard to take your morning seriously when your alarm clock decides to wake you up to the Space Channel 5 theme.

It’s Friday and it’s payday, so I’m getting a long-overdue haircut today. I’ll probably dye my hair tonight or tomorrow – I have a trifecta of roots showing, and it’s pissing me off. I think I should just declare it Makeover Friday and be done with it – there are a dozen painful beautifying procedures I fairly desperately need, made evident by my rejection for the Molson Canada 2010 Mural Project.

Molson Canada is collecting pictures of people to put on a mural cheering on the athletes for the 2010 Olympics next year. I was bored and had nothing better to do, so I submitted a photo – and was promptly rejected by the Committee of High Beauty Standards.

Yeah, that made me feel just super. I am too ugly to be shrunken down to a mere pixel and plastered all over the country. You wouldn’t even be able to make my evidently hideous mug out of the thousands of submissions, yet I am TOO HORRIBLY DEFORMED to take part in this project. I’m sorry I’m not “mural pretty” enough for you bastards. Why don’t I just go crawl into a HOLE and DIE? Would THAT make you happy, you communist jerks??

I’d love to be able to come back with “my MOM thinks I’m pretty”, but I know she doesn’t. Fine. I’m not attractive enough to sell crappy beer. I know when I’m not wanted. You can’t market Mama Cass; is that it? You people make me SICK.

Okay, I know I was most likely rejected because the rules state you cannot have any logos or names in the picture, and this is what I submitted:

too ugly for beer

For all intents and purposes, “DeeAy” IS a brand – it’s me. I’ll probably try again with another picture, one that doesn’t have my name all over it in giant Swedish letters. If I get rejected again .. well, I’ll probably just go die in a fire seeing as that’s what they want.

I am both amused and mortified that I was rejected by Molson Canada.