not everyone poops

That was one hell of a weekend:

  • Bitter ex-boyfriends!
  • Skinny dipping in a rooftop pool!
  • A gay wedding!
  • Making out with a straight woman in the pool!
  • Getting to third base!
  • A great deal of drinking!

.. unfortunately, all of the above happened to my friend Jim and not me. His weekend was one for the record books; mine was not nearly as fun as I had planned (so I borrowed his instead). I was supposed to go to many parties for various celebratory good times, but instead I stayed home and waited for my cat to poop.

I woke up on Saturday morning to get ready for Heather’s birthday BBQ. I was to load up the Mazdabator with meat and Shan and Miranda, then head out for an afternoon in the sun with some awesome people. Later that night, we would go to Tanya’s housewarming party to meet her new beau and continue the good times with more people. What fun! How social of us! I had been looking forward to the day’s parties for several weeks, so I arose in fine spirits to get ready for the day.

Then Lemon got sick.

He started off by making some horrible noises that freaked us both out. We looked him over to see what was wrong and quickly figured out that he was all blocked up in the bum area. We tried to help – believe me, there IS such a thing as a lube emergency and it was a terrible time to have one – but he flipped out and cried and hissed and it was just awful. Ed called the vet who told us to bring him in immediately or he could die. Well, fuck. I freaked out while Ed took him to the vet, where they extracted the blockage and drew some blood and urine for testing. They sedated him and gave him fluids while looking him over, then eventually released him to us: we were to keep him separate from the other cats to make sure he used the litter box without issue.

Lemon was incredibly glad to be home – he’s never been so affectionate. He was clearly feeling much better – poop excavation is apparently a wonderful thing – but he wouldn’t use the litter box. We watched over him in shifts all day and into the night, and eventually – at 11:45pm – we were rewarded, sort of: Lemon peed. Hooray! Except, that’s not really what we were waiting for – we needed him to poop without issue before we could rule out calling the emergency animal clinic.

Ed spent a hilariously gassy night with Lemon in the spare room, but by the following morning he still hadn’t produced any poop. We were worried, because Lemon had eaten a can and a half of food by now and should have been pooping up a storm. As a last ditch effort, Ed cleaned out all the litter boxes in the apartment and then, just after noon, success! Lemon pooped without a whimper! YAY! We celebrated: Ed went for a long bike ride with Josh, and I went shopping with Shan and then we washed our scooters. YEAH! We are party ANIMALS!

The vet will call today with the test results; they’re worried this is the beginning of a larger problem. Lemon is fine and back to his old self, although a little more affectionate and less of a bastard than usual which I am okay with. Neither Ed nor I had ever been so excited about poop before, and this is probably the last post I will ever voluntarily make on the subject because it is gross.

So, I missed out on all the weekend fun, but my cat is feeling much better and that is the important thing. There will be other BBQs and much more summer fun to be had – it is all good.

Besides, it’s my Thursday today. I’m heading to Victoria on Wednesday to play nursemaid while my mom has cataract surgery. Internet service has been ordered, the DSL modem is in my bag and ready to go, and I’m almost packed. I’m looking forward to it – I’m pretending it’s a mini vacation – but I really need this rain to go away before Wednesday.

Also, I would like to have Jim’s weekend.

3 thoughts on “not everyone poops

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