still here

I’m back at the office, and there wasn’t a large box with all my posessions in it when I arrived so I will take that as a good sign. I haven’t been without momentary flashes of panic, though – having someone mumble something about missing me but my brain hearing “I’m going to miss you” almost made me pass out with shock. I don’t think I could take it if anything bad truly happened as opposed to my overactive imagination filling in the blanks – I’m likely to wet myself (and my pants, and we all know what’ll happen then).

Ed is the most patient of men, and while I was in Victoria he went to the post office not once but twice to pick up the various things that were waiting for me. My awesome silver shoes finally arrived, and they are spectacular and hilarious (albeit a little less fantastic due to the horrible ordeal of actually getting my order). The other box was large and heavy and altogether mysterious – what on earth did I buy that could warrant a box this big?

Books. Startlingly large books. One of the books is all about makeup, which is exciting but not really all that scandalous – I was expecting a small volume, but it’s a very large book that seems to cover every major cosmetic brand. Neat! It will be fun to dive into before I make my first (of many) trips to Sephora in Vancouver.

The other book – Pride and Prejudice and Zombies – is of standard paperback book size, but I am eager to read it because zombies are awesome.

Then there was the penis book.

Someone had mentioned the dimensions of the book to me online, but I didn’t pay much attention. I kind of wish I had, because when I uncovered the book on my desk, I was in for a very, very large surprise: the book is HUGE. Enormous. Coffee-table-book sized. It is not just a Big Penis Book; it is a Massive Book of Frightening Large and Eerily Shiny Penises.

The book is 12” by 12” and probably 3” thick. It’s bigger than most things in my house – laptops, dictionaries, cats. It is really, really big. I was not expecting that – I have tons of Taschen books that range in size from small paperback to slightly larger paperback. The sheer size of the Big Penis Book threw me for a loop, and I hadn’t even opened the damn thing yet.

In fact, I still haven’t. I brought it downstairs for Shan and Miranda to look through (verdict: ewwwww), but I haven’t had a chance to sit down and inspect the genitalia contained therein. Miranda did discover that the cover of the book comes OFF, though: you can take the underwear off the gentleman on the front of the book to see exactly what is under there (answer: giant penis). I would take pictures, but I fear that would be in poor taste (and more importantly, against copyright laws). Just .. take my word for it. It is a shocking book in more ways than one.

2 thoughts on “still here

    • The real test is actually AVOIDING the book – I’m showing the damn thing to everyone. It’s probably a good thing that it’s too big to carry around in my bag.

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