There was an e-scooter on the Lions Gate Bridge today.

Not on the sidewalk.

On the bridge itself.

Let’s forget for a minute how much I *loathe* those stupid things, and instead focus on just the facts: there was an e-scooter on the Lions Gate Bridge today.

An electric scooter has a maximum top speed of 32km/h on a full charge. I sold my Honda Jazz that had a maximum speed of 65km/h, because it was dangerously slow on the LGB.

Oscar’s top speed was 85km/h, and at times HE was dangerously slow.

All this is bad enough, but let’s not forget that the LGB has a fairly steep incline. While my previous scooters could easily handle the speed limit on the down stroke, the real danger was in getting up there in the first place. A scooter with a top speed of 65km/h will slow down anywhere between 15 to 35km/h when going uphill, based on the incline, the rider, and the takeoff speed. On an electric scooter, I shudder at the thought of how slow it would be when getting up the bridge.

It’s dangerous and possibly illegal – I don’t know that electric scooters are allowed on main roads. He was riding off to the extreme right, but that is of little help – cars still needed to swerve around him by drifting into the left lane, and the bridge simply isn’t wide enough to allow that.

Okay, enough objectivity:

What the FUCK do you think you’re doing, asshole e-scooter rider? You are not a vehicle, you’re a plastic piece of shit that has NO business being on the road. Not only are you slowing traffic down, you’re in extreme danger of causing an accident. You’re giving the rest of us a bad name, you selfish piece of shit – your pathetic excuse for a ride goes on the SIDEWALK, where you can piss off pedestrians and cyclists alike. When THEY hit you, you won’t cause half the North Shore to come to a grinding halt and back traffic up for miles. I felt like stopping Lola and asking you what the flying fuck you thought you were doing on the road – you don’t belong there. Get the fuck back on the sidewalk where you technically don’t belong either, but you’d at least be in less danger of becoming a fucking pancake during the Thursday morning rush hour.

You want to take the environmentalism up a notch? Buy an e-bike. They don’t take up any more room than a bicycle, you still have a motor to help you up hills, you won’t look like a fucking idiot, and you can ride them easily on the sidewalk. They’re also more durable than the flimsy plastic shitbox you’re currently riding. It’s assholes that you that make people not like or trust scooters on the street – the average person can’t tell a Ruckus from a C3; how are they to know I am approximately 10 times faster than you are and can therefore keep up with traffic?

FUCK YOU, E-SCOOTER GUY.