• Do you live in Vancouver?
• Do you plan to be in Vancouver for the Olympics?
• Do you what to know what’s going on in the city?
• Do you not give a flying fuck about the Olympics at all, and want everyone to get out of your way?
• Do you have an iPhone?

If you’ve answered yes to any of the questions above, you absolutely have to get this app:

it's officially official - officially!

Look for 2010Guide in the iTunes store. It’s a free app, and it is absolutely vital.

“But Kimli, didn’t you hear me? I don’t give a flying fuck about the Olympics! Look! Not one single flying fuck! I don’t give even a REGULAR fuck, let alone a fancy-ass flying one! What on earth gives you the idea that I would want or care about an Olympic iPhone application? That’s 6.3 MB better spent storing gay horse porn! You suck!”

If you’d just shut up for half a second, I’ll give you two very good reasons why you need this app regardless of your love (or lack thereof) for the Olympics:

• It doesn’t just give sporting event schedules; it also covers every “cultural event” (aka big fucking party)
• It will give you an excellent idea of where not to be during the Olympics, if you’re really gung ho on avoiding all the fun

note to self: avoid richmond

I downloaded this thing last night, and I have to say – I’m really, really impressed by it. It has schedules, event descriptions, maps, venues. Items are broken out by – City or Whistler – and by type – Sport or Culture. Even if you hate sports, you have to admit that the city is throwing one hell of a party:  every day during the Olympics there are dozens of different kinds of things going on all over the place, and most of them are free. Don’t want to go? Then don’t! Check the schedule to see that on February 14th at 6pm there are two large outdoor parties planned for Yaletown and Georgia@Beatty, so maybe that would not be the best time to go for your daily walk with a scowl on your face and your hands jammed into the pockets of your skinny jeans as you listen to The Smiths and think about how much life sucks.

There are several other Olympic apps available, but some cost money and others are too specific (there’s an app that’ll give the NBC coverage schedule on TV). For people actually in the city, you absolutely need to get this thing. It’ll save your ass, and think how useful you’ll be when you’re trapped on a bus in the middle of the day with 300 tourists who don’t know where the Luge events are.

Also, it’s pretty.

you should see the icon for the masturbation olympics

They even built in an RSS reader for Olympic news, a bunch of related Twitter feeds, and medal counts. Seriously, check this thing out. Whoever created this thing really deserves a pat on the back – it’s kind of awesome.

I’m starting to get excited. For your safety, I will let you know when I am about to lose control – and if you know what’s good for you, you WILL like it.