Beware the Ides of June!

To protect me against any Roman insurgents, I am dressed like a military dictator. This way when someone comes to assassinate me, they’ll be scared off by my intimidating yet stylish nature and run the other way. Would you fuck with Castro? How about Castro in a dress? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I have a somewhat hilarious habit of dressing like a revolutionary out for the blood of the people whenever I’ve got a Big Meeting at work and today is no exception. While Ed was able to stop me from pairing my (awesome) dress with combat boots and a rifle, he left before I put on the dog tags. Does it surprise you that I own dog tags? I do; several kinds. One even has lip gloss in it.

As with all things, my dress is complicated. It’s basically a shirt dress with a band at the bottom and is held together with buttons. Since the bottom is more or less cinched, I am having to keep my legs together – except I am many things, and ladylike is not one of them. I’ve popped two buttons on the bottom of the dress already, so I need to secure myself somehow lest the general public be privy to my underpants. Naturally, I don’t have any safety pins and I don’t really want to use a stapler .. so I did the next best thing: I closed my dress up with Smuttons.

I am a classy dame.

My birthday is in three days and the party in four, and I am Stressing Out about it. Last night I was all but ready to cancel the party, but Shan talked me off the ledge this morning and it will go on as scheduled. I’m starting to realize that as much as I love birthdays, I kind of hate MY birthday – it comes at the end of a long string of events, and most people are plain partied out. The angst and resentment I held all throughout school (my birthday fell during exams and people were always too stressed to celebrate) did not go away after graduation (partially because I did not graduate) as I had hoped – sure, no one is cramming for finals, but Real Life kicks into overdrive in June and people are Very Busy. Too busy, it feels, to pay stupid little me any attention just because it’s my birthday.

I know this is dumb and wrong and likely a little pathetic, according to the 30+ people who RSVP’d for my party on Saturday. As Shan pointed out, all the little freakouts I’m having can be resolved with one quick email (note to party goers: email coming soon), and I will have a good time. Yes, people are busy this time of year – but I should be used to this, and it doesn’t mean they hate me. Things are fine. Stop worrying and feeling unloved. You are stupid and taste like soot and poo.

I am awesome at pep talks.

the ellyfants said to chill out and take your pants off