i have a small wiener

The conversation at Sunday’s brunch was all over the place and some of it was even appropriate for all ages, but at least two refills of coffee were dedicated to genitals (and not even OUR genitals). Donna mentioned an acquaintance who has “I have a small wiener” tattoo’d on himself, and it led to an animated discussion of what the fuck: what could possibly be the reason for getting something like that permanently inked on yourself?

We came up with a number of different theories:

  • He really does have a small wiener, and is being up front about it – once you see him naked, you can’t be disappointed or surprised because you were warned
  • It’s ironic, because his wiener is actually huge – when you see it, you’re all “ohhh, I see what you did there”
  • I bet there are women out there would totally fall for that kind of sad sack honesty, and pity sex is still sex
  • There’s no such thing as bad publicity – not only did the tattoo get the four of us talking about his wiener, I then wrote about it and now tens of people all over the internet are reading about his wiener
  • To incite curiosity – never have I spent so much time thinking about the dong of some random guy I’ve never met, and I am afire with a need to know what’s in there

There’s got to be a reason or two we didn’t come up with – what about you? Why do YOU think someone would tattoo “I have a small wiener” on themselves? And if you happen to be the guy with the tattoo, feel free to let us know (or you can show it to me – Donna has my email address). How many layers deep could this go? Is this the Matrix? Is the small wiener the One?

Men are so tacky. You’d never see a woman with “I have a shallow vaginal canal” tattoo’d on herself.




11 thoughts on “i have a small wiener

  1. “You’d never see a woman with “I have a shallow vaginal canal” tattoo’d on herself.”

    But if you DID, at least now you’d know who to set her up with.

  2. I suppose if a woman tattooed “I have a shallow vaginal canal” on herself it might make a small wienered guy feel better about sleeping with her.

    However, having had a guy say to me, “I have a small penis” with a sad tone, I can honestly say it does not make me want to sleep with the guy. Not because of the small wiener, but that he’s so down about it. Of course, if he were happy about it I’d really wonder too.

  3. Gill: Totally agree, admittedly if someone was all “omg, my penis is SO BIG!” I wouldn’t really want to sleep with them either. Ok, I did that once, but I was young and it was a novelty. Now I’ve seen my share of Large Penii, and am no longer impressed by mere size…

  4. I have to say, I’d be impressed by the guy, figuring that it wasn’t that he actually had a small penis but that he was just hilarious. I mean, for most guys, it seems to be just the WORST insult, so by having that tattooed it makes him seem really cheeky.

    That said, I’ve never swooned too much about a guy being super-huge (thinking: “ouch!”) although I have friends who won’t date anything but as it brings them to orgasm quicker. Different, er, strokes for different folks.

    I think an equivalent tattoo for gals might be “I have a vaginal canal so loose you could park a Gran Torino in there and I wouldn’t notice.”

  5. Pingback: Tweets that mention i have a small wiener « delicious juice dot com: unapologetically inappropriate -- Topsy.com

  6. I can tell you another reason… I lost a bet to my best friend (girl) and had to get a similar tattoo… She was very happy with herself… Me not so much… :P

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s