Before I left for America on Sunday morning, I took a picture of Ed asleep in bed and covered in cats. I thought it was a cute shot, but I realized far too late that the picture exposed a deep dark secret:
It’s not the fact that Ed sleeps with clothes on (something that endlessly annoys me because naked is awesome), or that each cat in the picture has somehow mastered the art of taking up half a bed each, or even that it’s actually never been cold enough in Vancouver for me to actually wear the Hello Kitty ear muffs in the top right corner. Yes, Ed is sleeping upside down .. because we sleep head to toe every night.
Just like the smell of cigarette smoke will instant wake me up and fill me with red-hot carcinogenic fury, Ed’s sleepy time kryptonite is snoring. He wears earplugs, but I sometimes snore loudly and sleep like the dead, and he can’t cope. Instead of kicking me awake every time I breathe deeper than a whisper, he just sleeps further away from my head. It took a lot of trial and error to get to this point, not to mention all the angst-ridden huffing (complete with storming off to the living room with pillows and a blanket to try to get some peace). The upside down arrangement beneficial for me, too – Ed throws elbows in his sleep like some kind of basket-ball man, and I’ve been woken from slumber more times than I can count with an faceful of ulna. We don’t have enough space for separate beds (and are also not 60 years old or living in 1955) and don’t care for different bedrooms (okay *I* want my own room, but I do enjoy sleeping with a source of heat and wang). So, we make do. By sleeping head to toe. And on the rare occasions we do try to sleep normally, we find that there isn’t enough room for our bums and 40 pounds of cats and sleep poorly .. and here we are.
DON’T JUDGE US!
You can judge me for this, though – I found this in Target yesterday:
I’m gonna make Ed wear it during sex.
All we need is a little energon and a lot of lube.
Bwah chika bwahhhhhh chicka bwah