i’m out also has herpes

I’m Out vs. I’m In – what’s the difference?

I’m Out has a long list of excuses things that have more meaning in his life than a night out drinking terrible beer with strangers, whereas I’m In has a long list of casual acquaintances who wouldn’t be able to tell you his last name.

I’m Out has paperwork – mortgage papers, offers of employment, ticket stubs from concerts and games – and well, so does I’m In: paternity tests, final notices, citations for public drunkenness, STD medication, phone numbers from desperate women who are a hard-ridden 4 at best.

I’m Out is up bright and early to go to his awesome job that pays him the salary that funds his comfortable and fun life and allows him to go on trips or buy new toys, whereas I’m In is still out (cold on a bench in a park and moments away from being asked to “move along, sir” with the help of a beat stick).

Sure, sometimes I’m In makes it home in one piece and with all his clothing intact, but he’d have way better stories .. if he could actually remember what happened last night before he blacked out in a puddle of someone else’s vomit.

I’m In is a total collar-popping douchebag who has no respect for anyone (especially himself).

I’m Out, by virtue of not wanting to go to the bar to drink Bud Light on a fucking weeknight, is somehow supposed to look lame in comparison.

I know which one I’D rather mount at night. How about you?

7 thoughts on “i’m out also has herpes

  1. I know this is 2 years old. But does anyone have a link to a video of this commercial? I can’t seem to find any evidence of it anywhere!

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