Earlier this month I ordered the missing piece for my latest project, and I am endlessly frustrated that it hasn’t arrived yet. My missing shipment is causing a lot of little problems, all of which can be boiled down into one great big problem: my brothel can’t open.

I have decided that I have always longed for my very own Old West-style brothel, so clearly I should go about setting one up already. It shouldn’t be too difficult; all I really need is a player piano, some whiskey, and a lot of crinoline. I have these things – really, who doesn’t – so all I needed was a way to accept money for sexual favours. Reinventing the wheel is such a hassle and I have many better things to do (all of which involve learning how to shoot a dainty pearl-handled six shooter that I keep in my garter), so I thought that I would just fall back on the old standard: the cat house token system. Ladies and gentlemen of all sorts can sidle up to the bar, pay the coyly-named fee for services, and receive a token that they can then give to the girl of their choosing in exchange for carnal delights. This is an excellent plan that can only be wildly successful, but until my damn shipment arrives, I HAVE NO SEX TOKENS. Without sex tokens, there can be no SEX. You see my problem here – what’s a poor fledgling madame to do?

looking for a good time? well, you can't have one yet.

Where are my whore house coins?!