I’m out of Diet Coke. I could go get more – if I threw my empty cup out my bedroom window, I would hit the gas station across the street – but then I would have to put on pants.

Do I stay thirsty and pantless, or give in to my unholy desires and get dressed?

WHAT DO I DO??!

(as a matter of fact, this is EXACTLY like having to choose who lives and who dies. shut up.)