europe in numbers

  • Pictures taken: 2428
  • Tube stations visited: 22
  • Times we went the wrong way on the tube: 0
  • Times we looked the wrong way on the street: all of them
  • Swarthy Italian men hitting on me in Harrods: 1
  • Pub visits: 5
  • Bottles of still water with a splash of fruit enjoyed: 15 or so (that stuff is awesome)
  • Viral infections: 2
  • Dirty looks my boobs got: 17
  • Salacious looks my boobs got: 9
  • Orders of chips eaten: 8
  • Bags purchased (don’t look at this Ed): 4
  • Times Cleo drew blood: 3
  • 5am taxi rides: 2 (goddamn many)
  • Swearing at Google Maps for showing the British Museum as being at the location of the British Library: 59
  • Offers of cuddling on planes: 1
  • Pity meals served in pubs: 2
  • “The End is Nigh” signs seen: 1
  • How much we loved London: 7 million
  • Foxes seen: 1 (they’re like British raccoons!)
  • Pairs of tights I purchased in the end: 9
  • How much I disliked the small horrible child sitting in front of me on the plane ride home: 40
  • Men in Paris riding a 50cc scooter with a cigarette hanging out: 1
  • Stereotypical snooty French waiters: 1
  • Times peed on the top of the Eiffel Tower: 3
  • Mega souvenirs bought: 1
  • Old women I nearly pushed over on the ET because I had Metrotown Rage: 3
  • Che Guevara posters for sale on the Seine: 6
  • Times accosted in the Paris train station by annoying young women shoving petitions in our faces: 28 (they were fucking everywhere)
Good times.
Back to regular content tomorrow!

BONG BONG BONG

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