I’m ambitious, but I also know when I’m licked and should just lay low for a while. That’s why my goal for this week was “be better than last week” – sounds pretty simple, right? Last week was one of the worst weeks of my life; there’s no way this week could be anywhere near as bad!

Well, yesterday I lost my job and today I dropped one of my favourite mugs on the kitchen floor where it shattered into a thousand dangerous little pieces. At 9:36 on Tuesday morning, we’re off to an excellent start for the week. I can’t wait to see what’s next!

On account of my having eaten approximately three normal meals in the last two weeks, we – and my ass – are all going to ignore the fact that I ate a LOT of cheesecake yesterday. A lot. Like, I was up at 2am eating cheesecake. It was messy. Today I am going to try to eat something green.

Do they make green cheesecake?

Okay, onto the good stuff, in bullet point format so you can see that I am serious:

• Officially, I was laid off due to restructuring – my position was eliminated
• I am not angry at my boss about this – I have a feeling the decision was not hers, and I think it was rough on her to let me go (that could be my ego talking; everyone wants to be missed)
• If I’m going to do anything, it’s going to be backwards and convoluted – I was actually part of the initial round of layoffs on November 1st, but they kept me a while longer to see what would happen like a science experiment gone horribly wrong
• Yes, I received severance – in fact, I received far more than I had any right to expect
• There will be no talk of lawsuits – yes, I raise an eyebrow in serious need of grooming at the whole “let’s fire her while she’s having serious mental issues and two weeks before Christmas to boot” thing (which I can only assume was followed by maniacal hand rubbing and an evil laugh), but maybe I’ll just get a crutch and an ascot and call myself Tiny Kim
• My life insurance and long term disability benefits were terminated yesterday, BUT my health and dental were extended to the end of January – including my entire and not insignificant health and spending allotment for 2012, which will come in very handy when I talk to my therapist about all of this
• I should probably go to the dentist and refill my prescriptions while I’m at it
• Yes, this all sucks – but it could have been so much worse; they could have easily Dooced my ass but instead took the happy ending, for which I am grateful
• I could have been Dooced because someone who was not a Fan of Kimli was stalking my blog regularly and tattling on me for “putting the company in the public eye” – hey, those of you who don’t know me personally! Pop quiz! Where did I work? You don’t know, do you? Probably because I NEVER MENTIONED IT ON MY BLOG! Enjoy your moral superiority, mysterious tattler, because it is ILL GOTTEN!
• I’m going to use some of my severance to splurge a little and buy a new Dustbuster – yeah! I’m living the life!
• Thank you all for your tweets and DMs and emails – you guys made yesterday a lot less painful, and I appreciate you all
• Uh .. how do you do a resume?

So, the new chapter begins today. This week I plan to update my resume, put together a portfolio, and buy some damn groceries. After that .. well, it’s the holiday season, but I’m still looking. And thinking about freelancing. Anyone need any documentation done? I’m good at words and stuff.

bad news is easier to deliver in poster form