It’s one thing for me to acknowledge that my time is basically worthless right now – but for other people to randomly decide the same is putting me over the edge of ennui into white hot rage.
I finally decided to freecycle the desk and bookshelves, and someone asked for my bag of random yarn. I’m happy to donate all three – Ed sees donations in terms of wasted dollars and cents, but I look at it as a chance to help someone else. The bookshelves were mad popular on Freecycle, and one person responded for the desk. In the interest of maybe Doing Something with my Sunday, I arranged for all three items to be picked up today between noon and 1pm. Ed taped everything up for easy transport, and we waited.
The yarn was picked up, but it was the least of my worries – my random stash wasn’t taking up most of my living room. The furniture, though, is giving me ass marbles of increasing density with every passing day – I want them out of here. If we’re ever going to paint this place, it has to be done while I’m still unemployed or it’ll never happen. As I waffle by the minute between hopeful anticipation and amber waves of despair, my entire life is in my least favourite of all possible stages: limbo. I hate limbo. I don’t even like the limbo dance; I hate limbo so much. And yet here I am, day after day, as I feel like any marketable skills I may have had slip away like grains of melodramatic sand. If I had a wall to paint, at least I’d have a temporary purpose: green. Green is an excellent purpose.
This rant isn’t about my increasing depression and hopelessness, though: it’s about people who arrange to meet you at a certain time and place then fucking bail without a word.
I know I have literally fuck shit all going on in my life, but that doesn’t mean I wanted to spend my Sunday afternoon sitting around the house getting angry. I’m offering you free furniture, and blowing me off after I agreed to give things to you and removed the freecycle posting is just all kinds of rude and mean. I kind of hate people right now, and wish I lived in an apartment again where I could just dump random things out back knowing they’d be gone half an hour later.
Fuck you guys. This scenario is exactly why I was hesitant to use freecycle again – pushy, entitled people make me kind of sick.
I am in an angry place at the moment. It is a nice change from my usual sad place .. I think. Maybe not. Yeah, this sucks too. 2012 can start being awesome any day now, please.