Stereotypes are rude; I know this. Unfortunately, a lot of them are hard to argue away when you’re faced with examples on a regular basis. I *can* argue them, though, as I am the antithesis of Asian stereotypes – I defy them left and right with a spring in my step and a jiggle of my mighty bosom (itself a violation of my genes and family history):
The Worst Asian: Stereotype Edition
- I have an excellent sense of direction. Like, eerily good. My mother is a traditional Asian woman driver in every bad sense possible (plus some I think she invented just to piss me off), but I got away without absorbing any of the bad habits associated with my people. I drive well, never get lost, and I know how to merge. Take that, stupid cliches about women drivers/Asian drivers! I defy you!
- It could be a perfect balmy sunny day in the middle of August, but you’ll always see little old Asian ladies bundled up like it’s 15 below. Being cold seems to be a year-round thing, but not me – in fact, I’m only every freezing ass cold inside the house. I don’t really care what it’s doing outside; I usually go without a jacket. Sometimes this will bite me in the ass, but most of the time, I’m fine. I hate being bulky (in my case, more bulky) – so it there’s a chance of being warm at any point in the day, I’d rather not have a coat with me. This is likely more me being stupid than an actual counterstereotype, but I’m counting it. Coats are dumb, even when they’re super cool.
- I hate noodles, and I don’t eat organ meat. Pho? Gross. You can have my share.
- I am terrible at advanced math – I had to take Algebra for Dummies, and barely passed it. I’m great at table math – the math you do when figuring out how much of the bill you owe, or the sale price of the discount underwear I buy by the pound – but throw a letter in the mix, and I’m useless.
- My brand lust only extends as far as Doc Martens (uhh and Apple gadgets I guess) – I think Coach, Gucci and LV things are hideous, and wouldn’t be caught dead paying hundreds of dollars to act as free advertising.
- I’m about as submissive as a punch to the junk.
I’m a complete embarrassment to my ambiguous Eastern heritage!
I’ll keep the jugs, though. Those are pretty cool.