the worst asian: part 3

I am a Terrible Asian because I have no fucking clue how any of this is used:

what the shit is all this

i tried to play scrabble. it did not end well.


When we were cleaning out the house of my mom’s stuff, I stumbled upon this mahjong set. She was going to toss it out, but I rescued it because it came in a shiny case and I have the attention span of a – ooh, a dime! It’s so pretty! I’m gonna take a picture and post it to Instagram!

Where was I? Oh, right – mahjong. I think my mom brought it with her when she moved to Canada from Malaysia. It’s old – the tiles are yellowed, and the (extremely confusing) manual is typewritten and smells like old, old paper. It’s a complete set; all the tiles are there and five tile holding thingies with spikes on the end that I am assuming are to be used as a weapon when the match ends. There’s a pile of coloured chips with holes in the center that are held in place by a rod with a pivoting end, a couple of dice, and this weird number dial labeled “Pass-The-Buck”. Oh, and a loose pile of orange chips. And I have NO IDEA what any of it is for.

My only exposure to mahjong is on electronic devices, where’s it’s a solitary game of matching tiles. There are no dice, chips, buck passing or weaponized death-sticks anywhere in sight. I’m really just hanging on to the thing because it’s old and kind of neat, but I have zero idea how it’s used. If I were a better Asian, I would totally rock this shit. Instead, I like to build towers of tiles then walk into them, pretending I’m Godzilla. Although .. that’s pretty Asian too, now that I think about it. Maybe I’m not a complete sham after all!

I wonder if I should donate the set to one of the Chinese senior centers downtown. Thoughts?

i could make crafts with them, too. the world needs more jewellery made out of tiles.

5 thoughts on “the worst asian: part 3

  1. Mahjong-the-game is kind of like Gin Rummy, played with dominos. It’s pretty easy to learn and it’s a lot of fun BLAH BLAH BLAH have a look at this YouTube video, showing a couple of dudes lookin’ all cool playing it on the street in Hong Kong (they are not looking at the tiles, because they are reading them WITH THEIR THUMBS!)

    Then check THIS out:

  2. I would make jewellery out of the tiles since you are crafty like that. I have a really nice pendant that I bought at Make It that has a crow on one side. I think enamel epoxy was used for this. On the back side you can see that it is a domino tile. I wonder what that set would go for on Ebay given that it is so old? The yellowness of the tiles is what makes it so unique. Much nicer then the brand new white tiles imo.

  3. My wife learned how to play this when she was 20, learning from some Filippinas in Oakland, Calif, and she’s not Asian, but with about as much Scottish/Irish as you have. The clicking sound and the feel of the tiles adds something to a pretty standard card game. She has her own nice set that she bought in Kamloops.

    Donating it to the senior’s home is a good idea, but you should take some lessons in exchange. If not in Mah Jhong, then perhaps in the use of chopsticks. Learning a physical skill is just as important as brain skills.

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