this is my science

When I explain just how hard it was for me to do the Right Thing for Myself at the cost of disappointing someone else, my therapist is likely going to a dance on her desk with dollar signs for eyeballs.

I ejected myself out of space today. It was really hard to do, because I really liked the people I worked with .. but it was also the right thing to do, both for me and for them. It was right for them because I am too senior for what they need, and the longer I had to deal with a scheduled lunch break and being in the support queue the more likely I was to become grumpy and petulant and not at all fun to be around. And it was right for ME, because I’d never be able to get to the salary I wanted while working there, I definitely did NOT sign on to spend 40% of my time answering the phone, and I want – need – to be challenged daily; not held back because I’m going faster than anyone thought possible (I did warn you about that).

I have been agonizing about this inevitability since the end of March, and I mean agonizing. I second-third-eightyseventh-guessed myself so many times my head spun, and I’m sure those close to me were sick of my moaning over what should have been an easy decision to make. I’ve got an almost pathological need to keep people happy, though, even at the cost of myself – I’d rather be sad and dignified in my martyrhood; nobly sacrificing my dreams so I don’t inconvenience others.

Isn’t that an enormous crock of crazy emo shit?

I’m all for needless melodrama, but sometimes the line must be drawn heeah.

I was offered my dream job (I have several dream jobs; this is the non-naked, non-video game one) this week, for an enormous increase in salary. I accepted it on Wednesday, and this morning I resigned from the place I was working in Burnaby. I’ll be back downtown, starting the Monday after Josh and Shan’s wedding. I am nervous, elated, excited, hopeful, and a little bit sad – I really liked working with the people in Burnaby, and would have taken several of them with me if I could.

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but for once in my life my title will have no slash. I don’t need to do two jobs just to do what I love; I just .. get to do it. And y’all have NO IDEA how much that means to me.

This is my science, but I’ve got everything to prove.

tryin'.

7 thoughts on “this is my science

  1. Yay!

    Haha, and by enormous salary increase, you mean you’ll be making again apx. what you were making BEFORE, it’s just been the place you’ve been at the past few weeks you were being undervalued at (confirms the friend to the new bosses who may be checking up on your blog ;)

    So excited that you’ll be at a place that values what you do and that you’ll get to do your thing and JUST your thing. Wahoo! Congrats lady!

  2. Sorry it didn’t work out, but one has to be challenged at work, I’m the same way. It was fun briefly working with you, our API will always have a piece of Kimli in it ;). Congrats on the new job!

  3. Kimli, I’m so pleased for you, and thrilled that you’re doing what is best for YOU AND NO ONE ELSE. If you don’t do good things for yourself, who will, right? :)

  4. It would be a really sad world to be in that you would give up your dream job just because you like the people you work for, yet aren’t a good fit for the actual job. You get to make you a little happy in life too! They will still be good people and maybe you will work with them again. They will still be a nice place to work, just not the right place for you. I hope the new job is everything you want it to be (times elevenbillionty)! :)

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