Meet Dorothy P.
She’s a nice Asian lady quietly approaching middle age. She lives an uneventful life with her husband in East Vancouver. She is pleasant enough, but there isn’t very much to her – she doesn’t really have any hobbies or passions. She’s not very smart, so she fills her time with things like sitting quietly and watching TV. She’s very, very good at sitting quietly. She doesn’t have any opinions. She’s always willing to go along with the majority, because she doesn’t have any wants or needs of her own. Dorothy doesn’t care much for going outside; she’s perfectly content to sit in her living room and pet her cat while looking at the fireplace. She wears slippers, because her feet are often cold. Mild romance novels are the best kind.
It’s not that Dorothy is a wallflower – she’s more like a cardboard cutout; a 2-dimensional shell of a person. The term “wallflower” usually denotes a shy person who has a lot to offer if you can open them up, whereas Dorothy has nothing to open. She likes to smile pleasantly, not make a fuss, and above all else, not rock the boat. Dorothy is not deep, but she is content. Dorothy is happy.
Meet Kimli W.
Kimli is passionate about a thousand things. She does nothing quietly; she’s unpredictable and prone to dramatic outbursts. She feels deeply about everything, and is always ready to charge head first into anything at all. Kimli lives for Adventure and strives to fill her days with laughter and fun; new experiences and wild stories she’ll look back on fondly when she’s old. She will not go gentle into that good night; she will rage against the dying of the light with every ounce of her being (and have a good time doing it). Kimli wants to see the world; to live abroad and enrich her life with experiences. Kimli wants everything in abundance: love, sex, fun, tattoos, good times, pets, banana chips, glitter eyeliner, sketchy situations that turn out hilarious. Kimli doesn’t want to be tied down by anyone or anything – she values having a home base and comfort when she needs them, but really wants to be free to follow her heart. Kimli lives in the wrong city in the wrong decade, but makes the most of what she has. She knows the next Adventure is right around the corner. She too is approaching middle age, but unlike Dorothy, doesn’t look it – she acts and feels decades younger, which sometimes backfires. Kimli doesn’t care, though – she’s having too much fun to worry about hemlines or necklines or wrinkles or consequences. Above all else, Kimli wants to have fun. On the surface, it’s not the noblest of goals – selfish and self-serving – but fun comes in a million different forms (at least half of which are beneficial to society; the other half involve balloons and confetti).
Kimli wants nothing more than to have fun with like-minded people.
Dorothy wants a cup of tea.
Kimli is done wasting her time on boring people who think life is a chore.
Dorothy is thinking about scrapbooking.
Kimli would like to share adventures with people she loves, but is fine going off on her own.
Dorothy wears sweaters with quilted cat appliqués.
Kimli is single.
Dorothy is happily married.
You don’t get to have both.
5 thoughts on “my tyler durden”
…Kimli is single?
Okay, I’m an idiot.
I don’t think it’s a binary either/or for these. You have many facets to your personality, and sometimes people don’t get one or the other, or even a whole side of the jewel. It’s okay though, because they all add up to extra sparkle. Feeling/acting/being one way or another doesn’t negate the other parts of you.
Dorothy isn’t a part of me, and she’s nothing I want to be – she’s what I have to be when I can’t be who I want.
This all makes perfect sense in my head, honest.
Basically, it feels like I need to be a stupid, bland, artificial shade of myself in order to not feel/act upon my desire for fulfillment. If I can channel Dorothy, I won’t have all these feels of resentment and boredom and cabin fever. Dorothy sucks, but Kimli is restless.
I don’t know about not being able to have both. I think most creative types have similar situations to you, I know I certainly do. I have always thought of it as like how the Fates are in Piers Anthony’s Incarnations of Immortality series- only one can show her face at a time.
Like most relationships, equality is important. Until you respect both sides as being important and lovely, you’ll probably continue to struggle and be unhappy with both of them. <3
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