“Do you need a hand out with that?”
“Nope! *I* have a *skateboard*!”
He raised an eyebrow, clearly not understanding my genius. No matter – I would have the last laugh; gliding my heavy computer through the busy mall with relative ease and aplomb. I was at the Apple store in Metrotown to finally pick up my iMac; the “3-5 days, tops” estimate having received its 3-week chip earlier in the night. It took far longer than it should have as the guy in charge of releasing my equipment into the wild screwed the process up half a dozen times (as well as trying to charge me for the repair caused by their own fuckup), but I was finally free to leave and put my master plan into place:
Ed usually carries my computer to and from the Apple Store for me, but he was at a work function so I was on my own. I know from my previous 5 visits that the iMac is not a light machine and that Apple stores are always in the middle of malls nowhere near an entrance, so I borrowed Ed’s skateboard (the one he rides, not the one he got from Tony Hawk) and carried it around with me as I ran errands and bought all the presents. I half expected to be hassled by The Man (skate or die dude), but people were more confused than anything else (which is exactly how I like people to be in my presence).
As soon as my iMac was brought around the corner, the guy realized what I was up to and celebrated my awesomeness. A variety of Apple employees voiced their approval, and I made my way back to the Minibator in style. It was slightly complicated because I had to keep adjusting my trajectory, but I made it to the car in record time with all my stuff in one piece and no super tired arms for my efforts.
I haven’t yet set up my machine – I’m fucking exhausted from a bad sleep, no dinner and a long day at work – but they did replace both the Bluetooth chip and the antenna, so I have hope that this’ll be the last time I have to haul my computer around (whether by Ed-mule or skateboard).
I am terribly pleased at my cleverness.