Mom doesn’t trust anyone: “I found dad’s birth certificate, but you have to be very careful what you do with it because he lied about his age and they might sue”

Mom makes a series of strange puns about her upcoming urologist appointment: “I’m going to the midsummer’s stream on Tuesday and I’ll just go with the flow”

Mom is nervous: “I’m nervous, but I remembered what daddy always said: ‘don’t be nervous'”

Mom is excellent at anatomy: “It’s common for women to have a bladder”

.. and excuses: “That’s why you have to drink a lot”