change

If I could change one thing about myself – just one thing – it wouldn’t be my fat ass, or my disgusting body, or my broken personality, or my selfishness, or my facial scars, or my deformed feet, or my inability to feel loved, or my overall resemblance to the Michelin Man, or my evidently atrocious self-esteem .. no, if I could change just one thing about myself, it would be that thing where I CRY LIKE A FUCKING CHILD WHEN I’M ANGRY OR FRUSTRATED.

It is SO EMBARRASSING. I would love to be able to hold an adult conversation and use my mouth words to describe my feelings, instead of letting them leak out of my eyeballs. I’m not sad, I’m upset and I have a point and I would like to say these things, but BOOOO HOO HOOOO HOOOOOOOOO sob sob sob ARGH. Embarrassing. Frustrating. Annoying. Undermining.

.. and now I’m angry at myself, and totally in tears about it. :(((((((((((((((((

5 thoughts on “change

  1. I am exactly the same way. Because of this my bosses think I am really afraid of losing my job, when the reality is I burst into tears every time we have a meeting because their stupidity angers me so much and telling them they are morons would lose me my job.

  2. I used to do that and then suddenly, I didn’t. I’m not sure what the magic bullet was, but I think I just got pissed off at the thought of someone useless having power over me and that made me realize I could hold it together? Not saying that will work for you, but am saying that there’s hope that one day, you may suddenly stop feeling that way too? P.S. When you jet off to London spontaneously, take me with you.

  3. Argh. This has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. If I get angry or frustrated enough I silently cry until I start to speak and then I fucking sob. I hate it. Whatever situation I’m in that’s so distressing is made a thousand times worse by the sobbing.

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