Or: 2013, we hardly knew ye.

2013 was a rollercoaster of moderate highs and crushing lows. A few good things happened, but I’m still reeling from the suck and haven’t been able to truly appreciate all the good: I’m hoping that 2014 will bring some of the happy back into my pants, where things are currently sad and flaccid and small.

January was equal parts inspirational and itchy. I briefly started casting again, but didn’t stick with it because I couldn’t get used to the 5+ person casting crew. I bought sex toys. Work was both ridiculous and fun.

In February I tweeted as Canada for a week. I shared our secret to a happy marriage, and ranted about the minimalists. Was not impressed by self-serving and shady local bloggers. Went to the Aquarium for the first time ever, and bought a membership because it is awesome.

March had many good times, like back-to-back Astronautalis shows, the EMP, and a giant Ferris Wheel, all with my favourite Steph. My American Chris came to visit! Then there were the confounding tax problems, the beginning of what would turn into very Bad Times, and sexist game devs. Finally, the awesomeness that is CATIE appeared, and changed our worlds. Also, boners!

April: Balloons! Poetry! The Mystery of Edith Cornes! Trying really hard to be British by association. Completely forgot about high school. Dove sucks! Started playing Guild Wars 2 out of boredom. Wrestled with Quebec; had many deep thoughts.

May had GO SPORTS, the greatest candy bowl in existence, and brilliant ideas. I spent a lot of time outside, taking pictures of animals. There was a disastrous wardrobe malfunction. People were cranky.

June was the beginning of the end. It started out pretty promising, with a promotion at work and backfired joke. There were some brilliant walks around the city, exploring awesome graffiti and having all the fun there was to have. Unfortunately, June also cancelled our vacation plans, and 2013 officially took a turn for the fucking awful on June 28th, around 2pm.

July: People started leaving. The media did a Bad Thing. Money became so scarce we made a list of backup plans. More people left. Our backup vacation plan was also cancelled, and came with a $276 traffic ticket. Found out I was really, really bad at sleep.

In August, I failed my motorcycle skills test. People were silent on Twitter for stupid reasons. I got rejected by the Mothership, which made me very sad. Played through Gone Home in one sitting, because it is amazing and you should play it if you haven’t already. Missed London dreadfully, made tasty ice pops, cried angry tears of frustration and humiliation (that turned out to be the very first of so, so many). Had my soul stolen on public transit. Received some beautiful words of encouragement from a mysterious stranger.

Attempted to PAX in September, but our plans were killed by Ed getting the flu at the last minute. Moped about it. Looked into getting Botox for my face so people couldn’t so easily see how much I wanted to set them on fire. Dodged sperm like a superstar; made drug analogies. Continued to be angry at work. Laughed at Halloween costumes, and discovered that love really does taste like eggs. Oh, and I didn’t write about it, but I got rejected for a dream job in Seattle. Was very sad, on top of being so very angry at work.

October saw way TMI and a series of open letters. Even though I was reliving every minute of my teenage angst, someone wanted to fuck me for eight hours straight. Started daydreaming about what I want to do for my birthday next year. Wrote a protected post about the ongoing situation at work, mostly to get it all off my ample chest. Agreed to a clean slate and was the best stapler there ever was.

Made my annual November attempt at NaBloPoMo, but only got a couple of weeks in before running out of fucks to give. Went to Victoria for the weekend and took many pictures of animals because that is sort of my thing. Experienced like nine kinds of defeat. Bought a new computer; found out I was going to Chicago the following month.

Rang December in from Chicago, but without my luggage. Managed to get it back the following day, and spent the rest of my time in Chicago working and exploring my heart out. Took one for Team Science! Lost my wallet at the Christmas Market, but got it back the following day in an ongoing trend. Had delicious Maple Taffy! Unintentionally crashed the set of 50 Shades of Grey with Sam. Cheddar died, which broke both of our hearts. Ed started a new job. We tried to get into the swing of the season, but December had just been too hard so we celebrated a very low-key Christmas, followed by a fun NYE in Seattle.

And here we are, at the start of 2014. I’m curious to see what this year will hold for us – there are many things all up in the air, but one thing is certain: I’m going to London this year, and I’m taking some of you with me. Oh, yes. This will happen.

I was glad to see the end of 2013. Nothing has been resolved, but maybe a new year will bring about some new peace. That would be very nice, actually.