Megan posted this site on Twitter, and I’ve spent the better part of my morning in sheer awe of the number of things you can get “sexy” versions of for Halloween costumes. Seriously, I was full-on prepared to hate the idea that Halloween is simply a reason to dress in skin-tight, cleavage-baring outfits (when that shit should be done EVERYDAY), but then I started to really look at the options available beyond the traditional “sexy witch” “sexy cat” “sexy nurse” “sexy sex-haver” stuff and was amazed:
- Sexy Scrabble: This well read gal loves to play more than just word games. He’ll be dying to show off his large…vocabulary when he sees you in the Scrabble Sexy Deluxe Costume which includes: A glossy game board screen-printed dress featuring a fabric tile trim, matching tile bracelets and a petticoat for a little extra bounce.
- Sexy Operation: Play Doctor in a whole new way! Get ready to play doctor in this Operation Sexy Adult Costume! Costume includes one yellow, red, and white dress printed with Operation symbols, matching fingerless gloves, and red character nose on a stick.
- Sexy CandyLand
Movies that Don’t Really Lend Themselves to Costumes OR Sex
- Silence of the Lambs: A sexy lady gone psycho! Clarice has nothing on this cannibalistic sexy psychopath! Transform into a riddle chanting killer babe this Halloween. The Silence of The Lambs Sexy Adult Costume includes a white fitted straight jacket style dress with attached arm ties.
- Halloween: A truly sexy psychopath! You wont have to chase your next victim down they will be lined up waiting for you! Transform into a sexy version of a horrific killer this Halloween! The Halloween – Sexy Michael Myers Adult Costume includes a fitted blue zip front jumpsuit.
- Friday the 13th: Not your average camp counselor. Camp Crystal Lake’s savage and scintillating co-ed heats up those Halloween nights in the Sexy Ms. Voorhees costume. Jason’s hockey jersey has been re-designed to hug your curves and seduce your victims into submission. Red stripe trim, classic “Jason” insignia, screen-printed “Voorhees – 13” on the back and a V-neckline are all features that put a sassy twist on this Friday the 13th costume favorite. A Jason Hockey Mask handbag* is also included to stash all of your slasher essentials.
- Robocop: Peter Weller never looked so hot.
To Hell With Your Childhood
- Never once did I think that the Beetlejuice was jizz
- A Nightmare Before Christmas: admit it, you wanted to plow Sally
- Mortal Kombat
- Care Bears (FYI I am so uncomfortable right now)
- It’s Sex Show Time, Synergy!
- I ain’t afraid of no ghost (but I am somewhat concerned about falling out of this uniform)
- Cheetara (I’m somewhat disappointed there’s no Sexy Lion-O costume)
- Power Rangers .. of SEX
- Sexy Ninja Turtle (they actually have a different sexy costume for each sexy Ninja Turtle, which is impressive and sexy)
- Bumblebee :( : An adorable autobot. Show them that you’re more than meets the eye in the Transformers – Bumblebee Sassy style which includes: A dress featuring robotic print on the bodice and vibrant yellow skirt, matching glovettes, leg covers and gold headpiece featuring the autobot logo.
- Fun Dip (?!): Go ahead, dip your stick! You’ll collect plenty of sugar on your marshmallow flavored stick with the Fun Dip Strapless Dress Adult Costume. This sexy small pouch disguise includes a tye-dye swirl dress with “Fun Dip” logo printed across the top and a “lick-a-stix” wrist band.
- GI Joe and COBRA
- Marge Simpson
- Brian from Family Guy (WHAT THE FUCK)
Victims are Hot
- Mental Ward: Drive ’em crazy in this sexy style! You’ll look insanely alluring in the Goin’ Outta My Mind Adult Costume which includes: A blood splattered stretch Bengaline two way zip front dress with elongated straight jacket sleeves and adjustable buckles with uneven hemline. A matching hat with “Mental Ward” detail and faux blood.
- Slaughter House Survivor: The gory days. Makes you think twice about hitting up that meat market this Halloween, huh? Either way, you’ll look bloody fabulous this Slaughter House Survivor Adult Costume! Includes a black and white bloodied dress, leg garter with detachable “bloody putty” prop, bloody knife headband, torn pantyhose and 3 band aids.
- Slasher Star: You always did want to be on the silver screen. Make your horror flick debut this Halloween in this Slasher Star Adult Costume. It’ll be a real scream! Costume includes a bloodied black and white dress, wrist bandage, “HELP!” word bubble headband and bloody knife prop.
Sexy Cultural Stereotypes
- Matador or Senorita?
- Desert Jewel or Pharaoh’s Treasure?
- Every possible combination of geisha, dragon, ninja, chopsticks, hot sauce, take out, and sushi available
Just Plain Disturbing
- Dying to Please You – sexy costume, or clever social commentary? Sadly, I think it’s the former.
- Pocahottie – .. REALLY?
- .. every fucking thing on the site, really
There’s so many more incredulous things on this one site alone that I can’t even. I’m amused and horrified. I’m annoyed that the Sexy Scrabble costume’s board doesn’t follow traditional Scrabble rules. I’m sad there’s no Sexy Optimus Prime (but I bet I could find one elsewhere). I’m horrified at the sheer number of offensive cultural stereotype costumes in the sexy category alone. I’m .. suddenly craving candy corn (but not Sexy Candy Corn).
My head hurts.