I honestly don’t know which part of this “article” (it’s actually an advertisement disguised as an article; ‘disclosure’ comes by way of a single line stating it’s an “advertorial” at the very bottom of the cluttered page) is the worst, but let’s go through each terrible offence like we’re BuzzFeed:

1. “There are jobs! A simple Google search of “tech jobs Vancouver” will show that there are over 1000 jobs on the first website you find.”

The link they provide is to Tech Jobs Vancouver, where there are indeed 1095 jobs listed. However, the job postings are not current: it’s a list of job postings in Vancouver going as far back as 2008. Most of the links are dead. I’m sure you could find a position to apply for out of the list – they’re sorted with the most recent on top – but to say “so jobs! much employed! very work!” using that site as “proof” is incredibly misleading.

1. “Supply and Demand = Money!  The average salary of a Web Developer in Vancouver is around $50,000. The lack of qualified professionals in the job market means this number will only continue to go up. If you’re going to work hard everyday and want to get compensated well, the tech sector is a good one to be in.”

No. No, no, no. Do you know what the salary range for a Web Developer is?:

Ignoring the fact that as Canadians we get screwed in the salary department, the “article” claims that $50k is the AVERAGE salary – which means there are some people making LESS than that. This is not okay, people. Vancouver has the dubious distinction of being named the Most Expensive City in Canada/North American by a number of different publications, and you’re using our devastatingly low salaries as a reason people should work in tech here? That is BULLSHIT, and touting $50k as being “compensated well” only hurts the tech sector you’re trying to staff with superstars. The best tech brains in Vancouver DON’T WORK HERE. They go to the US, or work remotely (for US companies), or leave IT entirely. $50k is not a good salary for a web developer. It’s an insulting salary, and why Vancouver has a “tech talent crunch“: it’s because the salaries here are a FUCKING JOKE.

1. “Get in quick! Learning to work with new Technology has never been easier – the same applies to getting a job in Technology. You can now become a Software Developer in 8 weeks through innovative courses designed with a rigorous 40 hour per week curriculum. Why spend 4 years when you can get the same thing 16 times faster?”

Again, this entire stupid article is just an ad for the above-mentioned 8-week course, so take it with a mountain of salt. That being said, it’s still pretty insulting to think you can bypass years of education and experience with 8 weeks of cramming in knowledge. All these rotten whippersnappers taking shortcuts and stealing all our $50k/year jobs – it’s just sickening, I tell you what.

1. “Leave your suit at home!”

This is a petty bitch, but “you don’t have to wear a suit” is a perk akin to “free coffee”: it’s expected.

It’s not just the “article” that I have a problem with, actually. There’s more:

1. VanCity Buzz deleted all negative or questioning remarks, then closed comments so no one else could chime in
2. There was an excellent comment written by “Stephen”, who pointed out all the things wrong with the “article” in a much more articulate fashion than I have here
3. It’s gone now
4. I later learned that “Stephen” is actually a friend of mine, who works in the tech sector and is brilliant and has excellent things to say and oh is also female, but posts under a guy’s name in order to be taken seriously
5. .. in 2014
6. what the fucking fuck

So frustrate. I don’t understand how these people can’t see what a huge disservice they’re doing to Vancouver’s tech community. People are undervalued and underpaid and it’s driving the best of the best out of the city in search of not a fortune but an actual fair wage for the work they do. Vancouver’s local tech darlings are cashing in on people wanting to live here so they settle for shit pay, people dazzled by the name so they chalk it up as experience, and people who have roots and can’t simply pack it all up for greener pastures. Those that can leave, do. And then employers bemoan the lack of qualified candidates, and the whole goddamn thing starts all over again.

I don’t have any answers. I don’t know how, short of a massive nerd riot, Vancouver will get its head out of the owl’s ass and see there is a huge problem here. I just know that the VanCity Buzz “article” left a terrible taste in my mouth and I couldn’t simply bitch about it in private (or even publicly, since comments were closed) – I needed to share the outrage and also post some gifs (which, in retrospect, are totally annoying – how does BuzzFeed do this every day?).

Here’s hoping that the addition of Amazon, Facebook, and Twitter to Vancouver is a move to expand markets and create jobs for the talent in this city, and not just a plan to take advantage of our ridiculously low salary “expectations” .. but if I were a betting man, I would have to wear pants a lot more often.

Okay, one more just to get it out of my system:

PS: I know there are fewer than 12 reasons; I was making a reference
PPS: I know numbering isn’t working and everything has “1.” beside it – it’s way past my bedtime and I am too tired to fix that right now
PPPS: sorry about all the gifs; I will leave the BuzzFeeding to the BuzzFeeders in the future
PPPPS: COLOURS OF THE WORLD SPICE UP YOUR LIFE