Running theories of what could be wrong with my lungs, WebMD edition:

• Bronchitis
• Pneumonia
• Paroxysmal Nocturnal Dyspnea
• Paranoid Narcissistic Dystopia (coincidentally also the theme of the next 7 Assassin’s Creed games)
• Pulmonary Edema
• Catastrophic Heart Failure
• Pulmonary Thromboendarterectomy (not really, I’m just amazed at the number of letters in that)
• Bilateral Basal Crackles (delicious with pepper jack cheese)
• Bronchiectasis
• Night Asthma (not to be confused with Night Moves)
• Nocturnal Emissions
• Lupis
• Lung Babies

I’m still alive .. BUT FOR HOW LONG?!