Yeah, salacious titles. Mmm. Can’t get enough.

Lemon, our grumpy middle cat, is very sick. He was fine when we got back from Barcelona, but last Monday he started throwing up all over the damn place. He has a tendency to throw up – usually when he eats too fast – so we weren’t all that alarmed, until we realized that a) he wasn’t throwing up food, it was basically foam and bile, b) he was throwing up nonstop, and c) he wasn’t eating or drinking. We got him into the vet on Wednesday, where they gave him (expensive) fluids and drugs and x-rays. The verdict: kidney issues.

Not just *any* kidney issues, either: the x-ray showed that his kidneys are half the size they should be, most likely due to genetics. Those of you who’ve been around for a while may remember that Lemon’s full name is actually Cream Lemon, the Incestuous Bad Idea Kitten –  his parents were brother and sister. The incestuous origin story was basically all fun and games until now, when we’re learning that there are may be serious repercussions because of his wonky genes. Best case scenario: treat his kidneys as best we can, until the end game. Worst case: we lose out on half of his lifespan because his already-ravaged kidneys can’t handle the additional bad of disease or infection.

We were at the vet three times with Lemon last week, and by Saturday he was so bad I was convinced he wouldn’t be coming home with us. I was a weepy, snotty mess at the vet, but Lemon surprised all of us with an extreme showing of fiest – he would. not. let the vet give him a pill. He took several needles and an IV with purrs and sleepy affection, but when it came time to put something down his throat, he fought back *hard*. It took 15 minutes, 2 vets, 3 pills, and finally a towel-wrapped burrito Lemon before they got the pill into him. On the plus side, Dr. Liz will never ever send us home with pills to give him, now that she’s seen what happens real time.

Since that visit, Lemon has been getting better. He’s been adorably needy throughout this entire ordeal and wanted to be close to or on one of us at all times, but wouldn’t leave the living room. Now, he’s close to normal: running around, jumping on furniture (and my back, a trick he learned from Dilly), going into the hallway to explore, and insisting upon himself: last week he slept on the couch in a stoned haze, but now he follows us at bedtime and takes up ALL THE ROOM. I’m not complaining – I’m genuinely delighted that he’s bouncing back from this. How long this bounce will last is anyone’s guess – he still needs an ultrasound to determine how bad his kidneys actually are, and he may need additional antibiotics if he starts feeling bad again. The vet wanted him in every day, but they’re in North Van and even though Lemon has been saintly throughout all we’ve put him through, the vet visits still stress him out. And since he’s doing so much better, I’d rather keep him at home where he’s safe and happy and ornery, which is my favourite kind of Lemon.

Spay and neuter your pets, guys. Having an incest kitten is funny until he breaks your heart by dying a good 10 years sooner than he should.