It wasn’t my intention to post these on 420, but that’s how it all worked out and I’m gonna go with it.
Before I begin, I’d like to stress that I did not just smoke a great deal of pot all at once. I’ve been collecting little snippets of strain reviews as they happen, but the Case of the Missing Post from April 2nd broke a LOT of things in my website and I’ve had to do some disturbing, possibly illegal things to get access to my high rambling. I am pretending it was worth it.
I started out reviewing specific strains of pot for my own amusement, but I’ve come to realize that the real magic isn’t in my sober edits but rather the actual, heat of the moment shit that goes through my brain. This content serves absolutely no purpose to anyone, but my own stupid stoned thoughts make me laugh so now you have to suffer through them too.
A blend of Lilac OG and Oregon Golden Goat: This is a political statement high. Would be great if you are looking to fan a spark into a flame to overthrow a government or stage a musical.
Slap n’ Tickle: When I close my eyes, I’m inside the Price is Right’s set designer’s nightmares. It also made me a bit paranoid: Ed did an overly dramatic cat litter sneeze, and I started worrying he was dead. It made sense at the time.
Gas MAC: I AM at least half A WITCH. I discovered you can have symptoms of Reynaud Syndrome occur in weird ass-places, like one nipple. People would have been hard pressed to claim they were “colder than a witch’s tit”, because my tit was painfully cold. I ended up trying to thaw my boob out with a USB hand warmer, which just made things worse because then I was impossibly cold and burned at the same time. I don’t actually remember anything about the high, just the massive panic attack because my right boob was having a stroke and I didn’t know what to do.
Dutch Hawaiian/Lilac OG: I’m on the verge of understanding how people use weed to help them concentrate instead of just being all floaty woo all the time. I actually kinda like getting high and doing a chore instead of always having trippy 1970s drugsploitation acid dreams. Don’t get me wrong, they’re suuuuper fun, but it’s also nice to get high and tackle a boring or unpleasant job. I usually smoke after work to unwind, and I’ve been creating some crazy dinners because of it. It *might* just be that I really like cutting stuff with knives, but I think the weed had more than a little to do with it all.
Grateful Breath/Slap n’ Tickle: I am super paranoid. I’ve searched the entire house multiple times to make sure all four cats are present and accounted for, but by the time I find #4 I’m worried about #s 1-3 again. I’m on the verge of a Bad Time, but no time to freak out: I gotta slice a ham.
Dutch Crunch/Grateful Breath: I’m so high I’ve forgotten Rush.
.. there were more, but I seem to have lost them. Thanks, WordPress!
It’s almost 420. I’m gonna go chop some vegetables.
I am having a fiiiiine Friday. Friday holidays should become a regular thing. Much less stressful than holiday Mondays.
I was going to share a whole whack of pot reviews at once, but I’ve also been wanting to put in my own words the differences in dry pot vs wet (called “sticky” which is marginally less fun), and indica vs sativa. This information is online several thousand times over, but this time it’s in MY words (which are clearly better than other, more boring words). You ARE here for the words, right? The nudes are on my OnlyFans.
I’ve been doing a lot of reading to learn more about the world of marijuana, because I’m finding my new hobby so very interesting. Starting with the word “marijuana” – did you know it has roots as a slur, because it was demonized by politicians in the 20s and 30s who associated it with Mexican people to make it seem like foreigners were bringing deadly drugs into the US? It was the start of Reefer-Madness-like propaganda to make marijuana out to be a very, very bad thing (how’s that war on drugs going? good?). This is why it’s routinely referred to as “cannabis” everywhere you look today, because although marijuana is no longer considered a life-destroying devil plant, that name is heavily associated with people being awful to other people. So, cannabis it is.
Dried weed vs sticky weed: I was under the impression that dry weed is bad, because Ed always made noises about how dry his old pot was. That was an assumption on my part, because all his weed is dried so I thought that’s what “bad” pot looked like. Turns out, dried weed is fine – ALL weed is dried to some extent – but OLD dry weed is pretty bad because most of the good stuff has leeched out. You can rehydrate it with some moisture packs, but it’s better to have fresh flower on hand. Why? That comes in the curing of the plant: after it’s been harvested, it’s dried for some time. “Sticky” weed, the stuff that comes looking and smelling like a dang salad, still has all the resin visible on it. This kind of weed is preferred for smoking, as it’s extra dank thanks to the resin still hanging out on the trichomes (wiggly bits). It’s apparently the holy grail of pot, and highly sought after.
This is where I complain that it fucking figures that I’d gravitate towards the expensive fancy pot instead of the cheaper stuff.
What’s the deal with dried pot? It’s basically the same stuff, but has been cured for longer resulting in a much drier (and harsher) smoke. It’s not BAD, but it just doesn’t have the same level of tastiness when compared to sticky pot. It’s definitely not something to be avoided, though, for one very good reason:
Dried weed is much lighter than sticky weed, meaning you get more of it for the same price you’d pay for sticky weed.
I can even science this shit out for you right now!
It doesn’t look like a big difference at this scale on this scale, but scale up quickly it does. If you’re looking to get the most bang for your buck, dried is the way to go. It’s also the preferred kind of weed for use in edibles. I might be wrong on this, but I think the only kind of flower you can get online from OFFICIAL DISPENSARIES is dried – at least, that’s what I found on BC Cannabis. YMMV.
Before I decided to start my own collection of weed and weed peripherals, my only exposure to any of it was through Ed and I didn’t ask any questions. A couple of months into this, I now have a favourite type and a favourite strain and a favourite way of doing things. Excessive? Probably, but what the actual fuck else am I going to do? Nothing, that’s what.
I’ve been buying most of my weed from Bud Mail, which I really like. I’ve previously mentioned their black tin series, which is expensive af but you get a ridiculous amount of extremely good weed for your money. I sort of thought all pot was the same, but that is apparently like thinking all wine is the same or all beer – s’not true. Armed with a little bit of knowledge, I was able to determine that I’d been buying some top shelf stuff – and other online vendors also had their OWN kind of top shelf stuff, and it was all different and new. A large tax return later, I have a pretty impressive collection. Some recent finds have been from Mota Cannabis (where I’ve previously bought a lot of edibles) – their top shelf collection is called Mota Exotics, and out of the four flavours I bought, I’ve tried three and really like them. Today’s choice is Lilac OG, a very smooth indica that apparently makes me wordy but without the teeming pretension of my other notable wordy highs. Note to self: use this more often. It makes you a great deal less insufferable.
Okay, sticky > dried. What about sativa vs. indica?
Sativa weed is happy time social fun weed. It makes both Ed and I very talkative, which sounds good except then all the weird circular thoughts I have come out of my mouth instead of staying in my head or going on Twitter where they belong. It is very fun when you’re in a group, even if everyone else is sober, because you can and are willing to carry every conversation at once. I think I’m funny when sativa high, but I also have a greatly inflated sense of my own hysteria, so I could be vastly mistaken about that.
Indica, on the other hand, is a quiet, introspect high. It’s no less of a ride than sativa, because you’re still having all the same weird thoughts but you just sort of .. enjoy them by yourself. People often use indica for concentration or sleep, because it can be very relaxing and you sort of like being all quiet and alone with your thoughts, without distraction. The downside of this is the couch-lock: you will reeeeeeally like your couch. And you’re kind of hungry. Do you want salty or sweet? Yes. You want both, and maybe some of that, and this looks good, and now you need to do groceries because you ate everything.
Indica is also used as an appetite stimulant, if you aren’t getting your eat on.
I don’t have a preference for indica over sativa, because I associate my favourite buzz with the particular strain. I’m starting to be able to tell the difference in hybrid weeds as well, which are a mix of both. Some will have more of one than the other, leading to descriptions like indica or sativa-dominant hybrids.
I’ll save the nonsensical pot reviews for next time. Time for me to enjoy the rest of my Good Friday in my oasis!
Today’s pot is a fancy times: Dutch Crunch, a hybrid of Dutch Treat and Jack Herer. I got my tax return, so I splurged* and treated myself to some small batch AAAA oak barrel triple aged stuff cultivated by dudes with long beards and $200 fades. They wear starched aprons over khakis and button-downs with the sleeves rolled up to show off the ink. If this was beer, it’d come in growlers served at a splintery plank counter and some kind of gimmick like they’re technically not allowed to sell beer so instead they sell $20 banana muffins that each come with a free bottle of brew. Everything is plaid.
Anyway, the weed. It is actually very super awesome. Dutch Crunch might be my new favourite by a lot. It came in a fancy vacuum-sealed tin with a pull tab, like top shelf cat food. It smells insanely green – I would wear it as perfume or eat it as a salad. Those are complimentary things, right? I don’t think I know how to praise a plant.
Stunned amazement brought on by the weed aside, I’m not entirely surprised that I like this strain so much. Before I took over management of the household vices, Ed had once ordered some Dutch Hawaiian that I enjoyed until it was all gone. I’d been on the lookout for something similar when I came across Dutch Crunch, so I ordered it on a hunch that all things starting with “Dutch” would be similar. I could tell because they have the same name, you see. I am very deductive.
Incidentally, if you find yourself a strain that you really enjoy, I recommend getting an ample amount. I have yet to be able to restock a specific strain once it’s all gone, which leads to a lot of rueing on my part. Unless you have time to rue, order more. You’ll thank yourself later.
I keep getting distracted for some reason .. . Back to the weed. The high is very visual – these are many words and they are not coming easy**. It’s a much different high when I’m Obnoxious Word Kimli because I don’t even really have to do anything my fingers just make nonsense go. In this case, I can visualize what I’m trying to describe, but the words are super stilted and I’ve rewritten parts several times. Still fun, tho. I’m on our balcony, listening to the creek and some horny birds. It’s really very quite nice.***
*: In this instance, “splurge” meant $150CDN for half an ounce/14 grams which is an astonishing amount of weed.
**: The words were not coming easy when this was originally written on Facebook, several weeks ago. They are much easier at the moment. Sorry.
Two small reviews today! The first strain is an AAA indica called Sugar Black Rose, 100% picked because of the name that evokes early 90s boudoir decor. It’s a cross of Critical Mass and Black Domina, both of which are somewhat uninteresting names. Yes, the name of the strain plays heavily into my reviews. It’s important.
Unfortunately, even though I had high hopes for this strain based on the name alone, I didn’t enjoy it very much. It didn’t seem to do much other than increase my headache, which is far from the reported effects of “body high, relaxed, uplifted”. This strain does have really good reviews (to be fair, weed enthusiasts seem to be really positive about EVERYTHING), so I’ll definitely give it another try but at the moment it’s not at the top of my significant list of pot drug flower times.
The next strain I tried was Purple Bubba, another AAA indica strain. This one I liked significantly better than SBR – I didn’t necessarily find it “calming, uplifted, happy” but it did put me in a nice mellow “let’s do fiddly stuff” mood, which served really well for the chopped-ingredient-heavy dinner I was preparing. Some Purple Bubba, a hat that plays music, and the kitchen: what could go wrong? Not much, actually. I zoned out with some tunes, chopped a whole bunch of vegetables, and had a pretty enjoyable time. Nothing I’d write home about (because my mother doesn’t have email), but nice enough that if I had to do a somewhat annoying set of chores, I’d light this up then go to chore town.
I’m officially at the “take artsy photos” stage of my new hobby, so I was pleased to discover that Purple Bubba is in fact purple as advertised:
It’s not immediately obvious in bud form, but once it was ground and inspected with a handheld Bluetooth microscope (that is a thing and naturally I have one), I could clearly see the pretty purple leaves in with all the green. Science! It’s also for drugs!
It’s not my intent to only review indica strains, but that’s what I have a lot of on hand at the moment. I also have a vast Cavern of Edibles to talk about, and I have not yet shared what has become my gold standard for pot (because I am too busy enjoying it to stop and write about it). Soon, though.
(originally posted on Facebook on 02/23/21 then expanded on coz I like words)
Today’s strain is Sky Cake*, an indica-heavy AAAA hybrid cross between Rocky Mountain Blueberry Kush and LSD (who names these things?). While I’m not necessarily a big fan of the “Cake” strain – I’ve had it before in Papaya Cake which I bought solely for infusions – I purchased a Flower Sample Pack from my favourite online vendor and this was in there. I decided to try it because it’s labeled as “Energizing, Uplifted, Soothing, Uplifted” so clearly it’s double the uplift, double the fun. Ultimately, I chose it for the “Energizing” – I knew I should really do some housework I’d been putting off, but I didn’t wanna. So, I did a drugs.
Half an hour after my smoke session, I found myself in the kitchen doing a complete inventory of our freezers and pantry. I even organized things by meal type, prep stage, main use, and frequency used. It made the chore fun (to be fair, I really love making lists so honestly I would have found it fun sober, IF I could have gotten enough gumption to actually get started), and with dancing music and an ample supply of Diet Coke, it made for a surprisingly enjoyable Sunday afternoon of drudgery.
I received a decent amount of Sky Cake in my order, so I set some aside for the next Thing I Should Do but I Don’t Wanna: organizing my closet space.
*: I’ll try to always link a strain to the corresponding Leafly page, but I can’t find Sky Cake on there. Different vendors often name the same strains different things, so Sky Cake could be known as literally anything else. This particular strain was made in-house, so the only information I could find came from the vendor’s website:
With its large, tightly-wound nugs, this popular hybrid cultivar features an expert trim, ample trichome coverage, and a mottled green palette with rusty orange pistils.
I don’t like those words. I mean, I’m a huge fan of words and especially of too many words, but that description does not make it sound at all appetizing. I guess that’s why I’m doing my own reviews, though. I can guarantee that I will never describe something as having “ample trichome coverage”, “expert trim” sounds like I’ve just gotten my pubic hair styled, and I only ever use “nugs” ironically. Hope that works for you.
It’s no secret that I’ve been coping with this apocalyptic insolation with weed, but I’ve always felt this little goblin in the back of my head pointing a goblin finger and shaking goblin head with great goblin disapproval at me. I know weed is legal. I pay taxes out the ass because of this (which I am not complaining about; I appreciate not having to worry and wonder if my weed has been doctored in any way). There’s just this overwhelming amount of self-stigma I feel whenever I talk about pot, which is awkward because like every other thing in my life, when I get into something I get REALLY into something and I want to share everything I’ve discovered along the way. I’ve been warring with this for months, but finally – today – I realized that this is stupid, and I NEED to use my words to feel connected to .. anything. Right now, that connection is to weed. I’m officially swallowing (heh) that little goblin, and will be posting my various weedy ramblings on this perfectly good blog I have, instead of on various social media accounts. I know the subject isn’t for everyone, but right now, it’s for me and I’ve missed my words more than I realized.
I’ve missed you, me. And I’ve missed this space. Delicious Juice Dot Com turns 20 on March 30th, and it deserves more love than I’ve been giving it lately. That changes today!
I’ll post the reviews (both mid and post-high; the mid-high reviews will generally be goofy because hi it’s me) here under the category DRUGS (why be subtle). I will link out to products when I can, but I’m not getting anything from vendors for reviews – my blog will remain as minimally beneficial to me as possible, as always. I may not much, but I have my integrity.
Integrity, a staggering amount of marijuana, and this amazing rack.