Category Archives: everyday kimli

afraid of down

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I am walking funny.

I *wish* it was for interesting and carnal reasons, but the reality is much less naked and sticky: we had a fire drill yesterday, and The Lab is on the 16th floor. I had to walk down 16 flights of very steep concrete stairs, being quite terrified of falling the entire time. I was very tense, which probably didn’t help. I also almost fell three times. I don’t like walking down long flights of scary stairs because I’m convinced I’ll lose my footing and take a very painful tumble – as a result, I go very slowly and am overly cautious about it all. In a real emergency, I’d probably die of smoke inhalation long before I made my way outside to safety. That is, if the frantic crowds behind me didn’t push me out of their way before it came to that. This morning I woke up with very very sore thighs for reasons that were no fun whatsoever. Boo!

Our scooter trip to Victoria is in jeopardy, and I am completely bummed out about it. We’re supposed to leave Thursday and scoot to the island, returning on Sunday –  but the forecast changed yesterday and now we’re supposed to get three days of rain and then a heat wave. Sound great, except those three days of rain are scheduled for Thursday, Friday and Saturday. FUCK! I’ve been looking forward to this trip for YEARS, and now it may not happen because of the weather. I don’t know when we’d be able to do it again because of strict vacation scheduling rules on Ed’s part, and this weekend was just perfect with the timing. I will be a very sad girl if we have to cancel this trip. Go away, rain. Please choose to do your nasty business on someone else’s parade.

ug-mo

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I got my haircut on Friday. It’s really, really short – much shorter than I asked for. It’s not *bad* per se, but it’s short. I know it’ll grow out, and quickly. In fact, the sooner the better because the reactions I’ve received so far include:

  • Wow, you got your haircut! It’s very .. short!
  • It’s not the greatest
  • It’s .. different
  • Hey, you got a haircut! So, where are those documents I asked for?
  • You’ve had better
  • It’s .. okay?

None of these are making me feel very good about myself at all. I already HAVE seventeen complexes (complii?), people. The last thing I need is a few extra just because my stylist was a little too engrossed in our conversation about Calgary winters.

:(

unflattering neighbour nicknames

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Our packrat stripper neighbour is holding a garage sale this weekend, and I am *beyond* curious as to how many of my items are going to appear in that sale.

I have a habit of cleaning out my closets of items and donating them to various places. Clothing always goes into the Goodwill bin, cosmetics and toiletries go to the whores, and “stuff” – furniture, hats, bags, books, etc – always go downstairs in our building entrance, for people to pick through. I’m fairly certain the majority of things I’ve put downstairs have ended up in the stripper’s apartment (or outside her door, judging by the massive pile of crap they keep in the hallway). Her garage sale notice says there’ll be many things for sale, including things I’ve left in the entrance – so tomorrow, I’m going to check out her garage sale to see how much of it was mine. It should be interesting, and profitable for her – I give away awesome things.

The weekend ahead looks to be busy and fun. Tomorrow is the start of my birthday week and the day of the Annual Birthday Event. This year there will be a visit to the Art Gallery (because I am very posh and cultured and totally not going simply because the exhibit is one about video game and comic book art), dinner, and wandering through the Chinatown Night Market. I am excited to spend time with fun people. Hooray for birthday events! Also, Amanda is in town and that is generally a good time as well. Hopefully this time around we won’t be kicked out of any horrible dive bars, but we will have to see (and perhaps keep Darren away from old men and their wallets).

I am actively trying to get Gillian to move to the North Shore. I asked our building manager to let me know if any vacancies come up (my fingers are crossed so hard that the Loud One moves out that I’m losing circulation) so we could have dibs, and he implied that Blowjob *might* be leaving. That is sad because I will miss her public blowjobs and the thrill I get from snickering at her every time we cross paths, but if it means Gillian can move in then HOORAY. I really wish the Loud One would leave, though. She decided this morning at 6am that it would be truly excellent if she held a breakfast party on her lawn (she has a private entrance) – fantastic, except that her voice is piercing and loud and grating and horrible and I’m sure she woke everyone in a 3 mile radius up with her horrible sounds. Ed finally got up and SLAMMED our window shut, at which point I heard them mutter and move back inside. Seriously, who the fuck does that. She HAS to know how fucking loud she is – hell, she had screaming matches with her upstairs neighbor about it – and yet she thinks nothing of disturbing not just our building but the one facing her suite and god knows who else is within earshot. She’s horrible. I would like her to leave so Gillian can have her apartment. That would be excellent.

Seriously, Shitva – I dislike you a great deal and your voice is just *awful*.

12.8747 km

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Eminem is encouraging me to be all I can be via my iPod. I think I’ll make this spreadsheet the best spreadsheet in the history of anything ever spreadsheeted in Excel. I can do it! I will Lose Myself in this data!

My palms are sweaty knees weak arms are heavy
There’s ink on my sweater already, number confetti
I’m nervous, but on the screen my info is calm and ready
To drop sums but I keep on forgetting
My margins are set too wide, I’ve lost my stride
I merged my cells to one row with my pride
The deadline’s up, an empty cup
The toner’s run out, oh no goodbye

Snap back to reality, jump through my chest cavity
Oh there goes Kimli she choked she’s so mad
But she won’t give up that easy no she won’t have it
She knows her keyboard shortcuts, it don’t matter that her mouse don’t work
She’s wearing a skirt all in a day’s work
When she goes back to her scooter she knows
It’s time for some pants
And maybe a dance
She better go over that QA and hope it don’t faze her

I better lose myself in data, go pro rata
I’m just like Data, Lore killed our father
I don’t wanna do support, cannot miss my chance to sort
These columns won’t format themselves, yo

Seriously, guys. Where the hell is my SqueePC?

22 days short of being a bastard

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I misplaced one of my cameras a couple of days ago, but I found it last night in the most obvious of places – in the bathroom, tucked inside my right shoe, which was upside down on the rug. Clearly, I could have saved myself untold minutes of searching if I had just looked in the most blatant of places.

This morning I received not one but TWO warnings for non-moving violations. It seems that the City of North Vancouver had a little too much spare time on their hands some 8 months ago, and proactively put up signs up our street saying NO PARKING ON WEDNESDAYS BETWEEN 8 AND 10AM – STREET CLEANING. For the first few Wednesdays we all dutifully moved our cars to the other side of the street, but it soon became evident that the city had no actual plan to clean our street at all – we never saw a street cleaner (and believe me, I was home for a great many number of those Wednesdays). Eventually, everyone stopped moving their cars since the cleaners were never going to come.

Today I got two warning tickets (one on the Mazdabator, one on Oscar) saying I was in violation of that street sign. Turns out they’re actually starting to make good on their bylaw and are attempting to actually clean our streets, except by now we’re all tired of the wolf cry and never move our cars as requested. The tickets tell me I’m a bad, bad person and starting June 24th they’ll be handing out REAL tickets because they’re going to clean our streets for real, honest. I’m glad the tickets were just a warning, because I would have raised a mighty war cry upon the city if I had to pay for their months of lies. There would have been angry letters. Also, I’ve always wanted to stage a protest. I’ll earn that Lil’ Revolutionary Brownie badge yet!

Before dinner last night at the Eatery, I browsed through a used book store. Among the titles I picked up is “For Boys Only”, a book about puberty and sex written for boys in 1952. This should be completely awesome. An excerpt on the topic of the “right” and “wrong” way to go about sex:

But there is another way, that is called by the long name “promiscuity”, or better, immorality. Here two people, without either love or respect for each other and without any wish to bring children into the world have intercourse. This way is unlawful, dangerous, and terribly selfish.

It is unlawful because it is forbidden by God’s law and by the teachings of all religions. It is dangerous, because it frequently causes serious disease. And it is selfish, because in spite of precautions and so-called preventives, it so often brings into the world an innocent baby who has to go through life with the undeserved shame of being known as illegitimate, or a bastard.

1952 sounds awesome!

Time to do some QA. Sometimes, late at night, I worry that I’ve become THE MAN.

kimli: 1, gravity: 0

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I am stalking the FedEx tracking page to find my SqueePC. Last update says they loaded it onto a truck for delivery last night at 10pm, so it looks like we’re back in limbo. At least this limbo is much closer to home than the Ontario limbo we were stuck in last week – here, I can chase down trucks on my scooter and demand they hand over my goods. That’ll work, right? People enjoy being chased down by nonsensical fat girls on motorbikes? Yeah, I thought so. I’ll have my baby back in NO TIME.

While I am quite good at kicking people out of boardrooms when I need it, it is a daunting thing to open the door unto many executives in suits. I had the room booked at 10am and it is now 10:08 and they are showing no signs of moving anytime soon. This is highly inconvenient. I have half a mind to go back to Starbucks and wait their rudeness out from across the street.

I am personally shocked and dismayed that tomatoes have been pulled from almost everywhere because of a salmonella outbreak. What’s a little salmonella in the face of glorious, delicious tomatoes? People should just suck it up and expect a little danger when they eat. I want my tomatoes, damnit. I am passionate about my love for those little red bundles of flavour joy, and I was not impressed to see my various foodstuffs over the past weekend arrive without the expected tasty goodness.

Last night when I got home I had a little incident. It’s probably 100% because I mentioned that I hadn’t had to use my Accident Free bag for quite some time, but yesterday I managed to fall sideways off my bike and into a cement post, spraining my left wrist for good measure. Frankly, I consider this a victory – I didn’t fall DOWN, I fell SIDEWAYS. There is a very distinct difference, as my bruise-free legs can attest. My left shoulder and wrist, however, are quite unhappy. Also, I had forgotten how good I look in black and blue.

still waiting for that cupcake

Posted in everyday kimli, nerd by

Like a bolt from the blue, my SqueePC seems to have emerged from the FedEx void – according to the internet, it’s sitting in Richmond awaiting delivery. This is good. I would like my tiny laptop back please.

I was looking at funky cool laptop sleeves yesterday, but all my machines are a) too old, b) too small, c) too small, and d) too big for the selection I found. It’s not really a big deal, but they were fun and I am all about the fun if it comes in neoprene form.

The last of my bridesmaids has given birth – Christy had a daughter sometime in the last week. That’s three for three, all with daughters with cool names – River, Murrin, and Hazel. I am still content with my position of Captain of Team No Babies, but I am happy for my baby-crazed friends. Way to procreate, girls! You rock that placenta!

Is it a bad thing when a video game makes you want to eat ramen?

weekend in a taco

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It’s really been quite the weekend around these parts – there was rampant flirting! Accidental tabloids! Walking pigs! Near accidents! Hard-to-find video game conquests! Delightful new setups! Group noodity! Ninja rulers! BANANAS! I’m almost glad to go back to work tomorrow just so I can have a bit of a breather.

In amongst all the outside social activities, I’ve been busy working to get Banjo properly situated in my corner of the living room. I think I’ve about got it:

Yes, I realize the danger I’m in if an earthquake hits, but that’s part of the excitement of being me.

Tonight during the thrill-a-minute whirlwind laundry/groceries adventure, Ed and I were horrified to discover a People magazine in amongst our organic granola and scent-free laundry detergent. Neither of us particularly CARE about Jodi Sweetin’s meth-baby, so imagine our surprise when she appeared in our stuff. Somehow the magazine leapt off the rack and onto the belt

, and neither of us saw it being rung in. It’ll be a cold day on the sun when I pay $5 for a) shit “news” about celebrities, and b) shit “news” about celebrities I can read on the internets for free. We returned it. And now I have lunch money for tomorrow!

On Saturday night, the gang minus Reilly went to The Rugby Beach Grille on Broadway to celebrate Tanya and Corinna’s joint birthday dinner. It was a lot of fun – tasty (if impossibly slow) food, excellent people, and flirting. Ed spent most of the evening flirting with Gillian! It was so cute. Gillian’s adorable and if I had any flirting skills I would have been doing the same, but it was highly amusing to watch my husband get his 4th-grade-boy groove on.

A new store opened up in North Vancouver called NOOD, and it is completely awesome. Ed and I dropped in on Saturday after finding him some cool new frames (wood! paneling!), and we quickly found ourselves knee-deep in fancy bamboo towels of softy goodness. There’s a lot of really neat houseware-type-things in there, and after singing the praises of the funky new store the rest of gang decided to check it out after brunch today. Now we all have fancy towels. It is good to be dry. Oh, and store club members are called “noodists”. It’s funny because I’m always naked!

And now it’s time to put away the laundry! Hooray!

I am easily excited.