Category Archives: medical anomaly

nerd score

Posted in everyday kimli, medical anomaly, nerd by

Despite being at death’s snotty, wheezing door, I did manage to go outside yesterday and get myself a Nintendo DSi for $5.

Holla!

EB is offering $100 credit towards a DSi if you trade in a DS Lite + one game. I did them several better and traded in Ed’s DS plus several games (a bunch of crappy word games, Dragon Quest V [finished], Puzzle Quest: Galactrix [I hate it], Super Mario Galaxy [sort of regretting trading this one in], and more). I ended up with $195 in trade-in credit – handy, because the DSi retails for $199 Canadian. Sweet! I had to buy a DS charger to make the trade-in work (they won’t take the system without the charger, and I actually didn’t have one because Lemon ate it) and I also picked up Rhythm Heaven (now in English! I have the Japanese version but I couldn’t figure out how to play the game so it sits on my shelf and makes me look cool), so all together I spent $55 and walked away with a shiny (not really; the systems are matte) new DSi and a ridiculous game that is incredibly challenging because I have all the rhythm of a rabid tapir on meth.

Oh, and I also sold a game to one of the EB staff because it wasn’t in their computer so I couldn’t trade it in. He gave me $10 for it, which paid for my lunch. It was a very productive Sunday.

I am not feeling any better. The doctor told me it would be at least a week before I felt human again, and being this sick for this long is fucking exhausting. My cough is actually worse now, because every little thing makes me wheeze and it turns into a deep cough and I sound just *awful*. People at work are no longer afraid of my germs; they’re laughing at them. There’s got to be a law against this.

One of the packages I picked up from the post office on Saturday was a large box of sex toys courtesy of Good Vibrations. I’ve been too sick to actually do anything with them, but I DID charge my Lelo Mia:

rrrrrrrr

rrrrrrrr

I am doubled over with laughter and coughing at the idea of a USB-charged sex toy. It’s very fancy and discreet – at least, it would be if I didn’t keep waving it in people’s faces shouting “LOOK AT MY VIBRATOR!” – and I can’t wait until I’ve returned from this state of undead so I may experience the glee in my pants.

how high? real high coz i’m just so fly

Posted in medical anomaly by

Okay, Rapid-Gels – do your thing. I have a sinus cold, and it’s fucking me up pretty badly. I’m about three minutes away from begging my boss for lenience and going home, as I don’t have a single meeting today and anything else in my “to do” pile can be done remotely. I’m attempting to knock this thing out of my system with drugs and water, but as of yet I am a drippy, suffering mess. It’s awesome. Hooray for sinuses.

I hate that I’m feeling so crappy right now, because I fully intended to write a filthy update about spite dildos. It’s going to have to wait though, as my coherency is questionable at best. I can’t actually feel my finger tips, although the backs of my hands are fuzzy and tingling. “Non-Drowsy” my ASS – how the hell am I going to get home on Oscar when I’m high as a fucking kite? Son of a bitch!

spite dildos spite dildos spite dildos

still sick

Posted in everyday kimli, medical anomaly by

I made it to the Lab in one piece, although it was touch and go for a while. I drove in today – there’s no power in the universe that could get my wobbly ass on two wheels – but it probably wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve done. I feel drunk – or what I assume drunk feels like to most people – kind of floaty and not altogether here right now. I think I might be treading water. Am I wet? I don’t feel wet.

So far only one person has asked me why the hell I’m here today, as I look and sound just awful. I’ll take that as a compliment, because I actually sort of *tried* to look rotten and decaying today. Whenever I’m out of work sick I always think the general assumption is “she’s faking” – and even though I’m pale as a sheet of off-white paper and have a horrible bone-rattling cough, I’m afraid no one is going to believe that I’m sick for real and true. I’m barely able to stand upright, my breathing is labored and my lungs fucking *rattle*, but just in case that wasn’t enough, I’m wearing pale colours, reflective powder that is hopefully picking up the green in my sweater and casting it back into my face, and no eye makeup. That’s right, none. I am brave and sickly and wan.

I have decided Ed and I are going to PAX this year. I like Seattle, I like video games, I like Penny Arcade – why have I not been to this before? This year I am going. Pre-registration just opened up, so we are now armed with two 3-day passes for a nerd orgy of epic proportions. I will bring lube and a screwdriver.

almost alive

Posted in medical anomaly by

The last 36 or so hours are kind of a blur for me, but I’m fairly certain that anything I might have done could not explain away the incredible stickiness of my desk. I didn’t *touch* my desk at all yesterday – I spent the entire day in bed moaning dramatically – so why is my desk covered in what feels like tar? Disconcerting.

I feel a little better. It would be much more of an accomplishment if I didn’t LOOK so bloody awful – I’m a terrifying sight to behold, and somehow I need to clean myself up to be presentable by 5pm. It’s a daunting challenge; one I would normally scoff at – except my ego will in no way allow me out of the house looking as terrible as I do at this moment. I will use every weapon in my arsenal to transform from a sickly beast that hasn’t moved out of bed since 8pm Tuesday night to an odd-looking wallflower hiding behind a tiny computer and vast cleavage. Oh yeah. It’ll be magical.

Tonight is a test, of sorts. If I can pull myself together enough to pass as not deathly ill in the company of others, I’ll be okay to attend Northern Voice tomorrow. The kickoff party is tonight, and I don’t really want to miss it. I don’t think I’m contagious – I’m generally very good about not making out with strangers when I’m overwhelmed with shyness – and Ed’s been hanging out with me for days with nary a sign of disease, so I think we’re in the clear. I should probably get started on Operation: Presentable soon, though. It’s going to take seven or eight showers to get me to a place where makeup and scented lotions might actually do some good instead of making things worse.

cooties

Posted in medical anomaly by

Yesterday’s experiment was kind of a wash. My day wasn’t all that bad really, but I did get pretty damn sick – my throat is all swollen and grumpy and my head is killing me. I’ve had better days to be sure, but I don’t think my illness had anything to do with my fabulous socks given that they were just that awesome, and half my office is out with the flu anyway.

I’m working from home and struggling to fight off the effects of the expired NyQuil. I would really like to sleep – I have three cats curled up around me and they’re almost impossible to resist – but I can’t get comfortable. My brain wants to leap out of my head whenver I move, and my back is messed up because Lemon tried to jump onto my shoulders and missed, sliding down my back wtih claws extended. I’m a wreck from head to toe – but at least I have awesome socks.

I can’t tell if I’m making sense, so I’m going to stop typing now.

whole lotta nothing

Posted in everyday kimli, medical anomaly by

When I came out of the office party yesterday, I had a $70 parking ticket on my window. I managed to escape the Wrath of the Meter Maids outside our office, but the nasty beasts at Impark were a little quicker on the draw. It seems that I cannot expense parking tickets, either – I drove HR back to the office after the party. Damn! That’s one less Koala Swimwear for Ed for Christmas. :(

I certainly don’t remember having the time of my life last night, but my neck feels otherwise. I feel like I have some sort of whiplash – perhaps ass whiplash – but whatever it is, it fucking hurts. I can’t turn my head to the right more than 10 degrees or my whole right shoulder assembly freezes up and starts swearing at me in foreign languages. I don’t like it. Thankfully, Hello Kitty dressed up like a panda is doing a lot to cheer me up.

This update is a whole lot of nothing. I’m grievously wounded – cut me some slack. Here, maybe these will amuse you:

Yeah, I don’t know either.

mystery

Posted in medical anomaly by

The good news: Yep, there’s definitely something there. It’s kind of squishy. Does it hurt when I pinch it really hard? It does? Huh. Interesting.

The bad news: It’s not what you thought it was – those are usually located lower and on the inside. I don’t actually know WHAT you’ve got there – it’s definitely a cyst, but it’s nothing I know about. I’m not sure what to tell you. Maybe .. take a bath? Yeah, that’ll help. Take a bath, and uh .. massage it? Sure, massage the area. Get right in there and force the toxins out. You can do it!

Great – even the vagina expert doesn’t know what my cyst is, or why they appear. The only advice she could give me basically amounts to a great deal of bathtub masturbation, which while I can absolutely appreciate and plan to follow doctor’s orders to the point of needing an intervention, does not get to the bottom of my mystery. This is no good.

Still, a suggestion is a suggestion. I think some new waterproof toys may be in order. After all, the doctor told me to do it so clearly it’s in my best interests to follow her knowledgeable recommendations to the very best of my ability. I may need help with this.  I should get a bigger bathtub.

choosing my own adventure

Posted in medical anomaly by

Calling the doctor’s office yesterday did little to stop the growth of either my cyst or my anxiety, both of which have grown to alarming sizes. She can’t fit me in until next Wednesday, by which time I am quite certain the damn thing will have ruptured – it’s very painful and scary and nothing about the word “rupture” makes me feel any good at all. The only advice I was given was to “go to the hospital if things get any worse”, which doesn’t really help me because I have a difficult time talking myself into going to the emergency room for anything less than a severed limb.

Unfortunately, I’m almost at that point. I’m pretty freaked out by the size and soreness of cyst 7.0, and I’m feeling queasy and horrible which is undoubtedly caused by the deadly toxins swimming through my bloodstream courtesy of my vagina. I’ve all but made up my mind to go to the hospital, even if typing it out is making me change my mind.

There’s a catch, though.

I have to go to Richmond again. Not just for a run of the mill warehouse visit, mind you – I’m giving the Lab’s executives a tour of the operations I’ve set up. We hired a new VP who is essentially my boss, and we’re going to take a look at what I’ve spent the last several months of my life doing. No pressure or anything, but it’s a friggin’ Executive Field Trip of which I am the unwilling star.

So, I can’t go to the hospital or even a walk-in clinic should I chicken out of the actual ER because I have to go to a warehouse and show my boss and his boss and probably THEIR boss what I’ve told people to do all day. Skipping one is potentially dangerous. Skipping the other may cost me my job.

This sucks and I hurt.

too much information

Posted in medical anomaly by

I’m a little amazed and horrified at how quickly my world is literally turned upside down when I miss just one dose of my crazy pills.

I slept in the spare room on Sunday night because Ed is still suffering from a cold from hell and he had to get up at 4:30 Monday morning to fly to Calgary. I was exhausted when I crawled into my sad little bed, and while I remembered that my pills were in the other room, I was already mostly asleep and couldn’t be bothered to fetch my sanity. I figured I would just take the pill as I got ready for work in the morning, and all would be good.

Naturally, I forgot to take the pill. All the vertigo I suffered late last year came rushing back with a vengeance, and by yesterday afternoon I was trying to go about my business feeling like my head was floating three or four feet ahead of my legs. It was fucked up. Picking up some groceries after work was scary – I kept wondering when I was going to pass out and where I would end up if I did. I eventually made it home, but it was much less fun than you might think. Even after almost 5 straight years of medicated insanity, it’s nice to know that skipping one stupid pill will fuck my world.

In other news, I am trying to get an emergency appointment with the lady part doctor this morning. She was less than inclined to believe my self-diagnosis of recurring cysts, suggesting perhaps I simply had an ingrown hair and also was crazy. Well, goody for her – not only do I finally have a cyst to show her, it’s of the giant painful bastard variety. It hurts to walk, okay. And judging by the increased pain, it’s dangerously close to bursting. I’d like her to take a gander at my garden before that happens, so I get to beg for an emergency appointment. This should be fun! Hooray for bizarre medical problems that won’t go away!

Hey, has our dollar recovered yet? I’m giving some serious thought to driving six hours this weekend to buy mascara.