kimli two shoes

Things I did over my birthday weekend:

  • Wore TWO SHOES
  • Got rained out of the horse races
  • Had a last minute tea party instead!
  • Complete with Happy Meals
  • And mutton busting!
  • We told stories, bring Brad up to speed
  • The Big Penis Book came out
  • It was great
  • On Sunday I went to a drag show with my favourite Seattlites
  • Not just any drag show, but a MEGA drag show
  • It was amazing
  • I took a zillion pictures
  • Most of them sucked
  • But some turned out!
  • They are here
  • It was an excellent birthday weekend!

anxiety sucks

I’m hungry, but I don’t want to eat. I feel like crying, but the tears won’t come and there’s nothing to cry about anyway. My chest is kind of tight – oh god, my chest is tight. Is this it? Am I destined to die on the couch, half dressed and surrounded by cornnuts that missed my mouth? No, that isn’t it. I’m just being silly. So what is it? What could be filling my lungs with all this dread and noise? Why am I screaming? Where did the light go? 

busy night

Things that fell out of my bra when I went to bed this morning:

  • Two large glitter hearts
  • A stegosaurus
  • $0.21 USD
  • A small green rubber man
  • 1 (one) cashew
  • A Twinkie wrapper
  • iPhone cable
  • A torn-up-then-reassembled letter claiming I will be shot by terrorists at 1:30am on the night Marty travels back in time
  • Beef jerky

My breasts had an excellent start to 2016.

Happy New Year!




live from bed

It’s just after 1:30pm on a Tuesday afternoon. The sun is shining, birds won’t shut up about it, and I am buried under a mountain of blankets with no plans to get out of bed anytime soon. This is how you vacation. I have figured it out. 

We’re in Edmonton, at the parent’s house. It’s been quite lovely – outside is cold and frozen and made of ice, so we’ve spent most of our time inside the warm house being all family-y. Today is our last full day here, and so I’m spending it in bed like an adult. Even taking our whimsical carefree lifestyle into account, this level of sloth is a luxury – I’d forgotten how easy/nice it is to sleep like a lump when no one stands on your bladder and yells in your face when the food dish is only half full instead of overflowing. 

For the entire week leading up to Christmas, we were busy. There were outings, friends in town, dinners to attend, and rum-based cocktails to chug – it was all wholly excellent, but also exhausting and expensive. Even getting to Edmonton was complicated: we missed the checked baggage cutoff by three minutes (my fault, I HAD to backup my phone before we left the house and iTunes decided it would be a great time to transfer 1992 ID3 tags to my phone) and weren’t allowed on our flight. Thankfully, we were flying Westjet and they happily put us on the next flight without issue. We got in to Edmonton barely an hour later than intended, which was pretty sweet. We lucked out big time – there was a massive detour on the way to the airport thanks to a warehouse fire, the park n’ ride lot was completely full (even tho I prepaid because that’s how I roll) but Ed sweet-talked the attendant into allowing us to park our tiny car into a spot that had been blocked off for construction, we flagged down a shuttle that was leaving the lot so we didn’t have to wait for the next one .. and we STILL missed the bag cutoff, but it all worked out. We basically had two options: the 7:45am flight, or a 10pm one, as every other flight to Edmonton in between was full. Between this and the overly complicated train to Edinbugh, I’ve used up all my allotted travel karma for 2015. 

We head home tomorrow afternoon, spend one night making the cats love us again, then head out in the morning: it’s New Year’s Eve, and Seattle beckons. Friends and loved ones and alcohol (but NO POT COOKIES) await! 2015 has been an interesting year, and 2016 is shaping up to be ridiculous (in a good way). 

Happy holidays to all of youse! 


happy new yarrrrrrrrr


change of plans

Whatever Ed and I had planned to do today, I’m fairly certain it didn’t involve an emergency trip to the clinic followed up by a case of mistaken identity (and eggs).

First, the emergency: we were lying in bed this morning, playing with the cats. I was being a scary blanket ghost, and as I peered out through a hole, Dilly decided to attack. She pounced on the scary blanket ghost and managed to snag my eye with her claw through the hole, catching my lower eyelid and missing my eyeball by a hair. My vision is fine, but she left a big scratch on my lower eyelid that kinda hurts but more importantly could be full of cat bacteria and unseemly isotopes. We got dressed and drove to the clinic, where I was prescribed antibiotic eye drops (but no eye patch, which makes me so sad) and told to douse my eye liberally and come the fuck back if things start to swell or mutate.

In addition to the eye drops, we decided to self-medicate at Denny’s. When we were seated, our server was very excited to see me again! I’m so sweet, how am I doing? I smiled and nodded and made appropriate noises, but I honestly have NO IDEA who this lady is. She kept patting my arm and telling me how sweet and lovely I am and how nice it is to see me again – she’s very sweet herself, but so confusing. Breakfast was delicious though, and I’m sure it helped my eye immensely. We said goodbye to my new/old friend, and then it was off to get the eye drops and video games.

Now I’m at home, doped up in the eye, and not wearing any pants. Life is good.

apropos of nothing: sea planes

apropos of nothing: sea planes